The Color of Courage: Black Fatherhood in America

Black fathers are here, we've been here, we are involved, and we are more than a stereotype.

Hey Family,

Reflecting on my almost 20-year journey of being a father to two beautiful children, I'd like you to come with me. Join me as I share my thoughts, experiences, and vulnerability on what I believe it means to not only be a father but a Black father in America. For a few moments, I ask that you step into our shoes, my shoes, and the shoes of Dads who look like me. So that you, too, can feel the weight and the wonder of raising young souls in a world that is as beautiful as it is scary.?

I will share with you the strength it takes to raise Black children in a society that often fails to see their beauty, brilliance, and worth. My life's work is tethered to how I instill in my children a sense of pride in their culture, a belief in their potential, and a love for their identity. At the end of our time together, my hope is that the echoes of my experiences will stay in your mind and challenge what you think you know about Black fatherhood.

What Does It Mean to Be a Black Father?

Being a Black father is a role steeped in rich cultural heritage that carries both pride and responsibility. I believe that it is a role that is often misunderstood and misrepresented but one that is undeniably vital to the fabric of our communities. Black fatherhood is a mosaic pieced together with courage, strength, and love. It is a role that is both challenging and rewarding, filled with moments of joy, struggle, and triumph.

Cold Summer

The summer of 2004 was a season of transformation for me. I was a 20-year-old college student, spending my days buried in textbooks and nights working for a local security company. The air was thick with the scent of ambition and the promise of a future yet to be written. One night, I was sitting in my patrol car, trying to stay awake, when I received a phone call that would change the course of my life. The voice on the other end was trembling, the words hesitant, but the message was clear: I was going to be a father.

At that moment, time seemed to stand still. The world around me blurred into a haze as a rollercoaster of emotions swept through me. My heart pounded in my chest like a drum, echoing the rhythm of a new life that was about to begin. I was excited, sad, and scared. I was excited to know that I would have a little human that looked like me and sad that I knew at that moment I could no longer solely focus on my wants and needs. Then couple that with … the overwhelming feeling of fear that was so strong I could taste it.?

I was just a young man, still finding my own way in the world. How was I going to guide another life? The weight of this responsibility felt like a mountain on my shoulders, heavy and immovable. The taste of fear was bitter on my tongue, but it was a fear not just for myself but my unborn child. I was not just going to be a father; I was going to be a Black father in America.?

Raising a child is a daunting task for anyone, but raising a Black child in America comes with its own unique challenges. The reality of racial disparities, systemic racism, and societal prejudice loomed over me like a storm cloud. I feared for my child's future in a world that might judge them by the color of their skin before the content of their character.

As I grappled with these emotions, I found myself standing at the crossroads of fear and hope. On the one hand, I was incredibly scared of the challenges ahead. On the other hand, I was hopeful of raising a child who would be resilient, strong, and proud of their culture, their family…proud of me.

That summer night in 2004 marked the beginning of my journey into fatherhood, a journey filled with fear, hope, and love. It was a journey that would challenge, shape, and ultimately define me.

The Pride of Black Fatherhood

The pride of Black fatherhood is rooted in a deep sense of cultural identity. It is a pride that comes from knowing that you are part of a long lineage of Black men who have faced adversity with courage and determination. It is a pride that comes from knowing that you are a role model for your children, an example of strength and resilience in a world that often seeks to diminish your worth.

This pride is evident in the way we engage with our children. It's seen in how we teach our children about our style, language, and culture. Instilling in them a sense of pride in our roots, even roots we are not even sure we have. It's seen in how we encourage our children to strive for excellence, defy the odds, and rise above the challenges they face. Whether it's being the loudest clapper at the game or locking eyes and whispering, "You got this," during a moment of uncertainty. That unexplainable knowing that they can do anything they set their minds to is the pride we live for.???

The Joy of Black Fatherhood

The joy of Black fatherhood is found in a child's laughter, in the light of their eyes, in the warmth of their hugs. It is found in the milestones celebrated, the challenges overcome, and the dreams realized. It's in the quiet moments of connection, the shared moments of happiness and love.

Black fatherhood is a journey filled with moments of struggle, and triumph. But through it all, the pride of Black fatherhood remains a beacon of light in the face of adversity, a testament to Black men's enduring strength and resilience.

Myths of Black Fatherhood

You've probably heard the narrative: Black fathers are absent, uninvolved, and uncaring. But let's look at the numbers. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Black fathers are more likely to be involved in their children's lives than their counterparts. In fact, a 2013 report showed that Black fathers were more likely to feed, bathe, play with, and read to their children on a daily basis.

But wait, there's more. A 2015 National Center for Health Statistics study found that Black fathers living with their children were most likely to eat meals, play, and spend time with their kids daily.

So, Where Did the Absent Black Father Stereotype Come From?

From my perspective, it's like a game of telephone gone wrong. One person whispers, "Black fathers are absent," by the time it gets to the end of the line, it's become "Black fathers are always absent." But the truth is, the stereotype is a distortion of reality. I also think mainstream media plays a significant and intentional role in this perception, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Yes, there are Black fathers who are absent, just as there are absent fathers of every race. But to paint all Black fathers with the same brush is like saying all apples are red because you saw a red apple once. It's not just unfair; it's inaccurate.

But What About Single Mothers?

Yes, there are many single Black mothers. But being a single mother doesn't mean the father is absent. It could mean the parents are divorced, separated, or never married. It could suggest the father is involved in his child's life, even if he doesn't live in the same house.?

The real story is that Black fathers, like all fathers, are diverse. They are single dads, married dads, divorced dads, and widowed dads. They are working dads, stay-at-home dads, and long-distance dads. They are loving, caring, involved dads. Black fathers are not a monolith.

What Can We Do to Change the Narrative?

Change starts with us. We can challenge the stereotypes, question the narratives, and seek the truth. We can celebrate the Black fathers in our lives and in our communities. We can share their stories, honor their contributions, and recognize their value.

I hope my story has opened your eyes to the reality of Black fatherhood. It's not a monolith; it's a mosaic. Each piece is unique, each story is different, and each father is more than a stereotype. So, the next time you hear the story of the absent Black father, I hope you'll remember to take a moment and ask yourself how many Black fathers do you truly know? I bet many of the Dads you don't see are probably busy being good Dads. Because Black fathers are here, we've been here, we are involved, and we are more than a stereotype.

I have accomplished some pretty amazing things in my life, awards, fancy jobs, and degrees that add letters to my name. But no accomplishment or title means more to me than being called Dad.

So, here's to Black fathers, to their strength, resilience, love, and pride. Here's to the men who are more than just fathers; who are mentors, teachers, leaders, and heroes. Here's to the men redefining what it means to be a Black father, who are challenging stereotypes, breaking down barriers, and building a legacy of love for future generations.

Before I go, I also want to say Happy Father's Day to my fellow Dads. I see you, and I love you, Black man. We need you. Our journey continues.

Thanks for rockin' with me today. I appreciate it.

Much Love,

Dr. Jae

?? Here are my 5 book recommendations on Black fatherhood.

1.?My Dad Is: Affirmations That Uplift and Celebrate Black Fatherhood by Damon Little: This book is a collection of powerful affirmations that celebrate the strength, love, and resilience of Black fathers, aiming to uplift and inspire.

2.?Black Fatherhood: Trials & Tribulations, Testimony & Triumph by Khalid Akil White, Thurman V. White Jr., et al.: This book explores the complexities of Black fatherhood, sharing personal stories of trials, tribulations, and ultimately, triumph.

3.?Dear Black Dads: Wisdom for Your Journey to Fatherhood by Jamal J. Myrick: This book offers wisdom and guidance for Black fathers, providing insights and advice for their journey through fatherhood.

4.?From Fatherless to Fatherhood by Omar Epps: In this book, actor Omar Epps shares his personal journey from growing up without a father to becoming a dedicated father himself, reflecting on the challenges and rewards of fatherhood.

5.?Daddy's Arms by Fabian E. Ferguson and Veronika Kim: This book is a heartwarming story about the bond between a Black father and his child, emphasizing the importance of love, support, and presence in a child's life.