The College Files 1: Deep in the Woods

So here we are: four kids, three schools and our first is now heading off to college. Will we survive? Follow along to find out.

It’s a whole new world. I’ve taught on a college campus for almost 20 years, but now I’m in the parent’s seat. My husband and I find ourselves in that highly stressful yet sometimes exciting conundrum of supporting our oldest son as he looks for the right college fit. It’s been a rollercoaster ride, let me tell you. But I figured it was also a good opportunity to share some insights and tips with parents who will be in our shoes soon.

Here are a few tips based upon our journey with our son that may prove helpful in your teen's college prep journey:

1. Prepare your college lists early. You can always update them later. The online college resource center Cappex has a helpful College Research Activity that can help high school students in beginning the process of choosing colleges of interest.?
2. Opt for virtual or in-person college interviews. I’m still languishing with regret over this one. That was a cardinal mistake of ours, not urging our son to take this opportunity to let schools and decision makers get to know him better. It’s like the difference between a job hunter competing with just a cover letter vs. a job interview.?This will be a must the next time around.
3. Chill. In other words, understand that your high schooler may feel overwhelmed. It wasn’t until I actually saw my son’s school email inbox littered with hundreds of emails from colleges that I began to understand how he felt. He was swamped. At every turn, whether it was school counselors, relatives or his parents, he was being inundated with questions about college plans and choices. It gave me a license to chill, and to give him some breathing room.
4. Make your list, and let him have his. Of course, his is the one that matters. But feel free to offer some college options that you think could work also. For me, it was important to show him a variety of schools, from very small to large, from public to private and beyond.
5. Make peace with the process. I was SO stressed when senior year arrived. #Covid took away a few years of college exploration, and I felt like we were behind with everything. But, in the end, I decided that there were no bad college choices on his list (we have so many great schools in the U.S.), so I would trust that we would find the right one for him.
6. Stay in touch with the guidance counselor. There may be information that the counselor is privy to that you’re not, so keep the communication lines open. In my son’s case, we found that he would often take the counselor’s over our advice, so we just made sure to let the counselor know the schools that we liked also. And when he brought them up, lo and behold, they made our son’s list (go figure). Ultimately, we just wanted to ensure that we were all on the same page.
7. Visit as many campuses on your list as you can. Virtual tours became popular during the Covid era, and they may be necessary if travel is challenging, but there’s nothing like seeing the campus for yourself. In our son’s case, his first two college tours seemed to help him to picture himself more realistically as a college student. And he had a much better feel for each school as the process continued.

There’s more–there always is, right?—but that should be enough to get you started. And feel free to share your advice and lessons learned in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Regina Cash-Clark is a writer and associate professor based in New Jersey. Her past work includes serving on the editorial staff of Essence magazine and working as a copywriter and? freelance editor. As a wife and mother of four, she values the importance of sharing and showcasing diverse voices.?

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