The College Files 3: All Talked Out... #Senioritis + College Talk Fatigue

It’s only the biggest decision of your still-maturing teen’s life to date. Give ‘em some breathing room.

“Have you made a decision yet?” As parents, we get excited, motivated and stressed when the reality sets in that our senior in high school will soon be off to college. But we can’t let it take over every conversation and every consideration. We’ve all heard of senioritis, but how about college talk fatigue? That’s what I call it. I think my poor son has been in that zone more than once–and with good reason. For many students, they see that their friends (especially top athletes) have already committed, but they’re still narrowing down their choices, or worse, still waiting to hear back from schools. Now that’s another kind of pressure. I can relate as a parent.?

But let’s take a look at some of the numbers…

Dealing with the waiting game, the application process

In August of 2019, Seventeen magazine revealed the results of a survey of over 110,000 incoming college freshmen that was conducted in collaboration with The College Board. The findings were sobering. Among them was the challenge of just keeping up with college deadlines and responses. The article reveals, "Forty-four percent of students admitted that keeping track of deadlines is the hardest part of the application process." That was a bit of a surprise.

And, according to a November 2022 Harvard Summer School blog, “Managing Stress in High School,” there are a number of reasons why teens can feel stressed, including academics, social stress and big life changes, among others. And college is one of the biggest life changes that high schoolers will have to deal with in the fall. A 2017 American Psychological Association (APA) study on “Stress in America,” cited by the Harvard blog, found that 69 percent of students were stressed over “getting into a good college or deciding what to do after high school.” That was the second highest cause of teen stress, next to just being in school.

The question for me is this: how do we, as parents, educators, and supporters, help them to make those moves successfully…or at least without undue stress??

PR Newswire noted that beyond the stress of paying for college, at least 70% of students in 2018 “were stressed during the college application process.”?And that was before the pandemic. Today's high school seniors were freshmen when #COVID hit, and that adds yet another stress factor to the equation.

Motivation without aggravation

So, how do we balance out nudging and motivating high school teens just enough without totally overwhelming them? It begins at home. For our family, it takes a delicate balance of patience and understanding. Honestly, I just have to find other things to talk about with my son. We talk about sports and cars, summer plans and pet pride (we have a dog and a cat)–anything that will give his brain a break. That seems to help. And, in comparison, I actually see the same fatigue in my college seniors. Many of them deal with similar pressures, only bigger. They’re hearing “Do you have a job yet?” or “What are your plans after college?” So, this is only the beginning.?

Yes, I know…time is running out and, as parents, we’re on the home stretch to making that final college decision. The pressure is on now—for both parents and high school seniors. We may not all have had tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to invest in getting our teens into ivy league schools as Bloomberg recently reported, but we want the best for them, regardless.

Tips for a more seamless process

Many of us are in the second wave of this process: mulling over our options between colleges that have already said yes and offered acceptance packages vs. a few final holdouts whose responses are still pending. What’s worse is when one of your students’ top college choices leaves you hanging, right? What’s a parent to do??

1. Share your status. Make colleges aware that you’re still interested (if you really are) during the waiting process. Some students may have moved on or accepted admission elsewhere, so it helps to let the school know that you’re still in the game. Many will have a means within the student portal for your teen to express continued interest.
2. Get to campus. Attend those “admitted student” day events with your teen, including those schools farther down on the list. You never know. These admitted days are the school’s best shot at attracting your student to their campus full time. They will usually pull out all the stops, showcasing campus facilities and programs, allowing you to interact with faculty and deans. It’s a chance to get a closer look at what that school has to offer in the long term. You don’t want to take that for granted.
3. Start making lists. It’s time to check the pros and cons along with costs. Have your teens write down their top three to four schools and begin to analyze them side by side for their benefits and areas of lack:?

• Which has the best teacher to student ratio?
• Which has the best package in terms of what’s included with admission? We’ve seen offers of everything from books being covered (that’s a big deal!), to a free laptop/tablet, to pets (yes, pet-friendly dorms!).
• What school has the best facilities and equipment for your student’s major? Some schools may have more outdated software or classrooms, while others may pride themselves on offering state-of-the art resources. That can also be an advantage in the long run.?

The good news is that it does get better. Going off to college is just one big step in life. Later, it will be the challenges of facing life after college. I’ve talked to my college students over the years about these big transitions that they make in life: first, from high school to college, and then eventually from college to real life. The first and biggest one emotionally, at least, seems to be the jump from structured high school life to college’s quasi-independence. And, depending on their choices, this may be a smaller jump for some more than others, but it’s still quite a hurdle.

So, again, let’s be supportive of our teens as always, but let’s not forget to cut them some slack. Many of us have been there ourselves before. And, in the end, you’ve got this.

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