On College (and Dogma)

The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote my sister to celebrate her graduating high school and starting college. College is one of the few things in this world I have enough lived experience to give advice about, so in this letter, I tried to share some of the things I learned with her. I’ve now decided to share them with you.

This is just my opinion based on my personal experience. There are a million ways to live your life and none of them are right. I don’t claim to have any of the answers. In fact, there were many times I didn’t take my own advice!

I’ll probably re-read this in five years and have changed my mind on many points - such is life.

“Strongly formed opinions, weakly held.” - Marc Andressen

On College

College is a whirlwind. It will pick you up, put you down, change you, mold you, and break you. It's an interesting blender of 4 years that pops you out the other side as an adult. Enjoy it. Don't take a second for granted. There will be a lot of moments that will test you and won't be fun. But there will be even more memories and people that you will remember for the rest of your life. Sometimes, take a moment to stick your head up out of the weeds and breathe it all in. It'll be fun.

However, most people think college is JUST supposed to be fun. And if you want to be like most people, it can be. But (stepping on my soapbox) most people don't succeed. Most people are mediocre. Have fun, but understand your mission objective. Our parents have worked hard their entire lives to send you to college. They will spend $70k - $80k in 4 years to afford you this opportunity. DO NOT SQUANDER THIS. College is an opportunity, and opportunities are only what you make of them.

If you stay disciplined and consistent (benders are okay, but only occasionally), you will have plenty of time for fun. Speaking of the mission objective, it's important to name yours. There is no right answer to this, but some are better than others. Things that were important for me were:

Finding Myself

It's interesting. At some point during my freshman year, I woke up and realized that I was living my life. I decided my outcomes. I could do literally whatever I wanted to do as long as it satisfied my goals. I didn't have to do anything or be anyone.?

I decided to judge myself based on who I was and what I cared about. That moment gave me relief - it felt freeing and motivating. I hope you have this moment for yourself. In my opinion, this is when life really starts.?

Finding What I Love to Do

People aren't happy because they work high-paying jobs. They are happy because they are fulfilled. They spend their time on Earth doing things they think are important and doing these things brings them joy. Sprinkle in a good family, and they seem to do alright for themselves. The formula is as simple (and profound) as that.?

I find it interesting that there is a strong overlap between these fulfilled people and the most successful people. This is because to be the best in the world at something, you have to be extremely passionate about it. You can't fake it. This means that while you’re in school, you should do everything humanely possible to find things you are passionate about. You have 4 years of minimal responsibility and maximum freedom. This is the time to do it! Explore things, follow your curiosity, go down rabbit holes, be weird, and just don't stop chasing. Everyone has something in them, don't stop chasing until you find it.?

Disregard the dogma that drives people to conventional paths. Everyone has a 'thing'. That 'thing' is usually not tech or business. Sometimes they use tech and/or business to practically do their 'thing' in the real world, but many times they don't. Many kids will put the traditional path on a pedestal. Use the path to your advantage, but don't let it consume you. There is a difference. Use the path to help you chase. Use it as a resource. Just don't stop chasing.

Finding the Right People

Your environment dictates your outcomes. Your friends and your family define who you are. You will see the patterns of this early. Who parties, who studies, who's in shape, who's depressed, who's a corporate bot, who's ambitionless - everyone seems to have their archetypes. Your friends don't have to all be clones of each other (or you), but just be careful. You can get sucked into something you don't want to be, and those holes can be tricky to climb out of. Conversely, you’ll be surprised that if you become friends with people who you admire, you start to latch on to some of their good habits. Just as you should decide who you want to be, you decide who your friends are. And guess what, your friends influence who you are too! It's a circle. Just be selective and be intentional. Honestly, those two words are probably good pillars for all of your life. The last thing about friends (and relationships). Everyone in your life is fleeting. Your family will always be there. Your partner may always be there (you'll have to find them first). But everyone else has their own life. They come and go. They don’t wait for your permission to change - they have their own lives to live. Don't hold on to anyone or anything that doesn't serve you. You have to take care of yourself first.

Finding Good Habits

Habits are the operating system for your life. They are everywhere -- in our living space, our work, our relationships, our health. Bad habits are hard to break. Good ones are tough to create. But they are important.?

An interesting thing is that your habits are really just guided by your priorities. So first, make sure those are in order. In fact, every few months. I suggest you write down your priorities in a journal. This helps you make better decisions and therefore, maintain better habits.?

To me, sleep, diet, and exercise are the pillars of any good life. Do those things well and consistently, and you will be surprised at how much they affect your happiness. Cleanliness is also extremely important. Keeping my living space clean was always a struggle. But it's so important. In many ways, a cluttered living space is the reflection of a cluttered mind. I always found that taking the time to clean made me feel better afterward.?

In college, building discipline is hard. There’s always ‘something’ going on, your environment will always give you a reason to not do what you are supposed to. Studying every day, working out every day, going to class every day, being off your phone, not scrolling on socials. These things are all important. You'll have to learn all these habits for yourself, and I'm sure you will try and fail. But if you're ever lost, come back to this.?

The great part about graduating from a good university is that it is effectively a slingshot. It can launch you to places, people, and organizations that are usually unfathomable for 20-something-year-olds. However, you can only use this slingshot once. Use it or lose it. Your actions in college will dictate the trajectory of your slingshot. You want to aim as high as possible.

If there's anything you can take away from that spiel, it's that you should be selective and intentional about your life. You have the power to be whoever you want to be. You could be a fisherman, emo-girl, painter, entrepreneur, coder, lawyer, garbage man, writer, etc. The point is that anything you think is cool, you should try. Even if you have to be a beginner at it, and you suck, you'll be surprised about how you can learn anything and do anything with enough effort. You're lucky because you have physically seen this firsthand. What was it like when you started lifting? Imagine how weak you were and how hard it was to move small weights. Look at you now. You’re a bonafide swole-body! You can do that with anything. Literally, anything you set your mind to. It's up to you to have that confidence in yourself. Just make sure the things you decide to explore are the things that you care about. Decide those things for yourself. So many people will try to decide for you. Don't let them. You have the power to be the person you want to be and have the life you want to live. I hope that is exciting. To me, it’s all the freedom I could ever ask for.

Other thoughts...

1. Read a lot. It's so fun. I really enjoy biographies.
2. Make friends with people who challenge you. Make friends with people you look up to. That's how you can become like them.
3. Everyone wants to mentor you. People like that feeling. Reach out to as many people as you can. Ask them questions. Pick their brain. I don't care if they are 55 or 25. People want to help. But they won’t unless you ask.
4. You will be rejected many times. You will lose many times. Try to build resilience. It's an important asset.
5. Work hard. Nothing happens if you don't work hard. Nothing at all.
6. Use your phone less. So many people waste their lives as phone zombies. I've fallen into that hole many times.
7. Learn to love being by yourself. Explore by yourself. Do things by yourself. Spend time by yourself. You will find that it is delightful.
8. You don't owe anyone anything. At all. Do it for yourself.
9. Learning doesn't happen in the classroom. It happens by yourself. In clubs or on online communities or YouTube or Wikipedia. "I never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain.
10. Work out a bunch. Eat well. It's sick to be in shape.?
11. Partying is fun - in moderation.?
12. Conversely, drugs poison your mind and body. That’s why they make you feel good(and then later, not so good). Make sure you’re aware of that.
13. You will die one day. Remember that. When you waste time or do things that you don't think are right, just remember that. Death is forcing function to follow your passion.
14. Money is less valuable than freedom. For many people, money buys freedom. However, you can earn freedom in other ways.
15. Be the type of person you want your future partner to love and respect.
16. You will get your heartbroken. Put yourself out there anyway.
17. Tell people how you feel. That's always the best way to overcome conflict and strengthen bonds.
18. If your gut tells you something is wrong, listen to it.
19. Test scores don't define you. In fact, nothing defines you that is outside of yourself. But if you failed the test because you know you didn't give it your best, that's when you should be worried.
20. You actually won't learn much in business. Learn outside the classroom.
21. Work fuckin hard. trust me. Just work hard.
22. Fall in love with problems, not solutions
23. Ideas don't come in pretty boxes, but ideologies do. Think for yourself.
24. Respect people. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I messed up this badly my first few years.
25. Be the person to say hi first. Everyone is just as nervous as you are. Have a firm handshake and a big smile.
26. The internet is awesome. Use it to your advantage. You can use the internet to do SOO many things.
27. Learn how to code. And build projects and websites outside of the classroom. I will pay for literally whatever you need. But trust me, it's awesome.
28. Start things yourself. Don't wait for permission. In fact, a good rule of thumb if you’re not sure about something is to do it anyway and then deal with the consequences later. Life’s too short for you to wait around for someone to tell you the rules. “Don’t ask for permission, seek forgiveness.”
29. You are not too young to do anything. You are the perfect age.
30. Listen to podcasts and read blogs. There are interesting ideas in the right pieces of content. Again, read tons of books.
31. Work hard!
32. Networking just to network is so dumb. Talk to people if you're actually interested in what they have to say.
33. That being said, networking is an important skill in your arsenal.
34. Keep a good and consistent relationship with our parents. Try to call them as much as you can. They'll miss us.
35. Be organized: Google/Notion calendar, Notion, To-Do Lists, Timers, Schedules, etc.?
36. In order for something to improve, it must be measured. Meticulously track the things you care about.
37. Be okay with failing. Be okay with being a beginner.
38. Do it all for yourself. Be who you want to be.
39. It's okay to be weird. It's usually a good thing. Being weird means you are different. And being different means often means you’re doing something interesting.
40. Never stop being curious.
41. Journal your life. Document your thoughts and growth. Future you will be thankful.
42. Do hard things. Doing hard things is scary but when you do them, you feel really good. Seeking out hard things is awesome because it gets easier to do those hard things until you look back and you've grown so much.
43. Most risky things aren't that risky unless they involve you getting seriously injured. Most of the time, precieved risk is just an excuse for fear or a lack of confidence. The cool thing about risks is that on the other side of them lies reward.?
44. Everything has tradeoffs, even doing the right things
45. Be frugal
46. Choose good people
47. Take a break when you need it
48. The days are long but the years are short
49. You will be just fine. No matter what happens. Just keep going.
50. I couldn't think of something else, but 49 is such an ugly number to end a list!

To Shruti, I'm grateful that you're my sister. Life is a lot better with you. I'm excited to see what you accomplish. Make yourself proud.

To everyone else, I hope this was useful. Best of luck.

- V