Colleagues Who Can’t: How To Lean Into Relationships With Underperforming Team Members

Work is stressful, at least some of the time, for all of us. The stakes are high: work represents everything from how we pay the bills to how we see ourselves. Work consumes a huge amount of our days, literally, and even when we’re not at work, it frequently demands our attention. Often, we focus on our own performance, and our relationship with our manager. But in fact, a lot of our work success and enjoyment (which are two different things) can come down to relationships with peers. We are very aware of our personal actions and decisions and are understandably concerned by whatever impression that makes on our manager. But that doesn’t always take a good account how much our colleagues and our relationships with them impact how we perceive work. In particular, it can be difficult to build productive relationships with fellow team members who we perceive as not meeting expectations.

An underperforming team member isn’t making the cut. How do you bring out your best (and maybe theirs)?

Working with someone who seems to underperform can be incredibly stressful. For some, it can feel unfair or inequitable to be on equal footing with someone one doesn’t respect. It can even lead to feelings of resentment if it feels like they’re not pulling their own weight and others have to take on more. So how do you meet these colleagues where they are and work with them?

Find out where the problem is. It’s easy to assume that a colleague isn’t performing as expected because of their own incompetence or disinterest of other personal choice. But it’s worth considering whether the issue really lies somewhere else. Connect with your own manager—in an appropriate context that is neither accusatory or presumptuous—about whether your colleague is the symptom, not the cause. Do they have the information and support they need from their manager? Are they being given the same context and expectations? If you report to the same person, it’s easier to identify these issues. But if not, it can still be worth speaking to your own manager and ask for their help confirming that the disconnect is elsewhere.

Say something. Sometimes your best move is to just speak to the person directly. It’s important that the conversation be non-threatening, not accusatory, and come from a place of respect. First, find out how they feel about their performance. They may know that they are not meeting expectations. If so, learn what they think is the problem: is it their own inabilities or do they need resources they don’t have? If they aren’t aware, try to position the conversation as how you can help them. Don’t ask why they are struggling with a project; ask what they think they need to perform better. In other words, try to speak through a lens of empathy and position the interaction as something happening to them (lacking resources, context, support), not something they are doing to you.

Everyone works with underperforming team members occasionally. And you yourself may be the best solution.

Regardless of how the conversations with your manager and colleague go, find out how you might be able to help. No organisation is perfect, and helping a colleague who is less capable is part of the job description. In fact, having some team members not pulling their own weight is nearly inevitable. The more people that are assigned to a task, the more that each individual works a little less. The Ringelmann Effect (or “free rider effect”) that defines this dynamic has been proven in multiple studies . Therefore, the best performers not only accept that they will take on others responsibilities, they turn it into an opportunity to shine. Strong performers are not just incredibly capable at their own technical duties; they show the emotional intelligence and compassion to meet the whole team’s needs, including helping others. Even in the best teams, there will be someone who is not as experienced, or is new to the organisation, or is being asked to do something that doesn’t align with their strengths. And the reality is, that it could someday be you. Leaders like teams who lean in together, not perform in silos. Sometimes it will feel beneath you, but even those operating at the executive level are often supporting a (high-level) colleague who is not hitting the mark. The best leaders will do it without thinking or looking for credit. The team as a whole is better if the larger picture is the goal, not individual accomplishments. And that’s true in every company—the goal is not to work around the aspirant peer, it’s about learning how to accommodate them and succeed as a team. Don’t catastrophise the situation or blame the organisation. It’s ok to identify the problem—but also be part of the solution.

This article first appeared on The Robert Kovach Blog.

Dr. Robert Kovach has spent his entire career working as a trusted advisor to senior leaders wanting to improve the effectiveness of themselves, their teams and their companies. Prior to starting his own consulting firm, Robert led the global executive assessment and development team for Cisco . Earlier in his career Robert held leadership roles with RHR International , PepsiCo , Ashridge Executive Education, Hult International Business School and the Central European University, Budapest, Hungary .