Collaborative Divorce Not an Option?
“You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find,
You get what you need.” Rolling Stones
If you can’t collaborate, different styles of mediation are available to help you interact to help you develop WIN-WIN strategies to co-parent after the divorce process. Its important to know WHICH style of mediation you selecting.
Mediation styles are broken down into four basic classifications:
1. Facilitative/Problem Solving,
2. Transformative, and
3. Evaluative.
Through Facilitative mediation, the mediator structures a process to assist the parties in reaching a mutually agreeable resolution. The mediator asks questions, validates and normalizes parties’ points of view; searches for interests underneath the positions taken by the parties and assists the parties in finding and analyzing options for resolution. The facilitative mediator does not make recommendations to the parties, give his or her own advice or predict what a court would do. The mediator is in charge of the outcome. If the mediation is referred to caucus the parties are placed in separate rooms with the mediator shuttling back and forth. Eventually an agreement is reached implementing problem solving and/or evaluative mediation models of resolving conflict.
Problem Solving Mediations may introduce experts such as a psychologist, CPA or other designated expert to help resolve particular issues confronting the parties during a divorce. The parties look for solutions to resolve problems with the assistance of the mediator based upon the opinions of the experts proffered. The problem solving mediations can work two ways: 1. The parent’s can be offered solutions to their problems 2. The parents can offer solutions to each other to solve their problems.
Transformative mediation is structured differently than most mediations in that the parties are in charge of the mediation. Transformative mediation is relatively new to the family law arena. Transformative mediations offer a unique and powerful venue to REGAIN COMMUNICATION between yourself and your child’s other parent in that it places the parties in control of the mediation process.
Evaluative mediation is more conclusions based. The mediator, typically a former judge or highly experienced family law attorney, will provide the parties with possible outcomes if the parties go to litigation. The parties base their outcomes not by communication BUT through compromise (WIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSE outcome).
If your goal is to engage in WIN- WIN strategies than you should find a mediator that is able to conduct a transformative or problem solving mediation. If your style is to caucus and engage in WIN-LOSE strategy than evaluative mediation may be your thing...HEY WAIT A MINUTE..... I thought you wanted to co-parent?.