The Cognitive Dissonance of Trump’s ‘Locker Room’

..the 'preening predators' Trump wants us to imagine as du jour are starkly incongruent with the reality.

Locker rooms are not wastelands of civility. Over thirty years, I have watched my teammates preen their hair, paint their nails and discuss their accountants. I’ve been in conversations with Jesse Jackson about the comparative merits of two Presidential candidates and watched - practice suspended - as the OJ Simpson verdict was read out and the team spent the next two hours discussing not the ruling, but the implications for race relations in the world from that defining moment.

I have witnessed a conversation on the merits of Baroque over Romantic era classical music in terms of which is best for pre-game preparation. I’ve listened as a team debated the role of ‘reclaimed language’ and the use of the “n-word” by black people. I’ve listened as teammates discussed the impact on masculinity of living in a world where everyone is afraid of you out of uniform. 

I have moderated an argument about whether Texas barbecue is actually ‘authentic’ or not and been in heated discussions on whether praying publicly before a free throw in a game is appropriate.

I have been uplifted in the locker room; smiling with pride as men, not known for their sentimentality, cry after missing a potentially game-winning shot, and other men, not known for their effusive compassion, pull their teammate’s heads into their chest to console them.

I have been let down by the locker room too. I’ve listened while pious men spoke of the women they bedded who weren't their wives. I’ve heard words used for women that gave me pause - and indeed gave others within the room pause, too. Surely the pleasure of being with someone is not enhanced by them being called a “ho”? 

I’ve listened while some of these same pious teammates spoke about the LGBT community like it was a disease, citing bible lines, but always stopping short of wishing for harm, whether for my benefit or not, we’ll perhaps never know.

I’ve been involved in basketball for three decades and I have never heard a teammate brag with Trump’s obvious glee and malicious intent at his inability to control his urge to sexually assault women. 

Never before - in or outside of a locker room - have I witnessed someone reliving their instances of abuse with such relish as the cackling, would-be King of America.

Above all, the most common locker room conversation - in elite locker rooms and indeed now in those inhabited by increasingly creaky Boomers - is the conversation about aching bones, chronically sore backs and the other ravages of age and effort.

The elite locker room is a vital place, not just to change clothing, but to prepare physically, psychologically and emotionally for the competition ahead and the glaring scrutiny outside. 

In general, the locker room is indeed, as implied by Trump and his surrogates, a place where ‘boys can be boys. It’s simply that the 'preening predators' Trump wants us to imagine as du jour are starkly incongruent with the reality.

At its best, the locker room is a much needed bastion of male intimacy, where men can relate, connect and communicate without at least some of the bluster and bravado we are told to maintain from puberty. Where we can be exhausted by our efforts, overwhelmed by our experiences, swayed by our emotions and strengthened by authentic connection.

At its best, it’s the place we discuss embarrassing medical problems and get surprising levels of support and compassion from our peers. 

At its best, it’s the place we tell our teammate that our partner left us or we think we’ve found the love of our life.

At its best, it’s where we can express our fondest regards and our deepest worries.

There are real consequences for men of a space for camaraderie and connection becoming labelled forever as a place for arrogance fueled, vile, misogynist abuse.

Not everybody is lucky enough to have been on a team or know a group of people with whom they’ve experienced this, but know this: many of you may never witnessed the locker room at its best - and I will admit that at times it has let me down - but never, not at any point, not at its very, very worst, has the locker room ever been a place where a man can find support for his desire - and indeed been met with laughter - as he recounts past incidents abusing a woman.

That is not “locker room banter”, it’s the language of a manipulative, narcissistic sadist who should be met with rebuke for defiling a much needed male space, not endorsed as the next leader of the free world.

There are real consequences for men of a space for camaraderie and connection becoming labelled forever as a place for arrogance fueled, vile, misogynist abuse.

Men need connection and the positive bonding experiences I have described, not yet another space where men feel compelled to comply with some of the terrible messages that imply we should be satisfied with being feral meatheads grunting our basest carnal dysfunctions to each other as some kind of stone-aged pissing contest.

We've proudly evolved so far beyond that and we shouldn't aspire to go back. Life for everyone is hard enough now, without valuable spaces for recuperation and connection being co-opted as a terrible excuse for a modern man behaving like a Neanderthal.