Coaching Wins: Keeping it Simple

This year, the International Coach Federation (ICF*) is celebrating 20 years of advancing coaching and supporting people's flourishing. To join in the celebration, I will be highlighting a coaching success story each week in April and May leading up to May 18, the launch of International Coaching Week. I'll share some of my own success stories (what role my coaches have played in my growth and development), as well as a few select stories from my clients (which will be generalized and fictionalized where appropriate to maintain complete confidentiality).

When we get eager to make an important change in our life, we consider the alternatives available to us. And sometimes, we get excited to integrate all sorts of new habits, activities, or ideas into our routine. The challenge is that we only have so much time and energy available each day so it's often not possible for us to take on too many new things at one time.

Part of my role as a coach is to help people fully explore ALL of their options for making positive change, and then helping them choose the most important few to focus on first. Together, we consider which options are most feasible given how much time and energy the individual has for anything new. As the observer, I listen to the energy in my client's voice when I hear them talk about which actions they will take. If I hear a high level of energy in addition to words like, "I am going to..." or "I can't wait to..." then I'm pretty sure that they are describing an action that they will be likely to follow through on. 

However, when I hear words such as, "I could...." AND I hear a drop in the energy of their voice, then I may point out that shift in energy and start inquiring about that activity. Is that something that they really *want* to do, or do they feel like it's something they *should* do? I had a former client who was making some very positive changes in her life and was exploring all kinds of ideas about what she could do differently to bring about the change. At one of our sessions in particular, I remember her listing off more than five different ideas she said she would implement as a result of the session. As she talked about each one, I noticed the words she was using and the shifts in energy as she was describing them. Together, we looked at the options more closely so she could decide which ones she would be more likely to implement and which would feel more like a chore. She narrowed her list down to the top couple that she was most excited about and would be most likely to follow through on. 

Sometimes, we need to take the smallest step to get us started. Another client was on a mission to bring self-care back into his life. And he wanted to set a goal for himself to work out at least five days a week (he was starting at zero days, because other commitments were getting in the way). I inquired about what usually got in the way of his exercise time and how likely those things were to be resolved on the short term. I also reminded him that sometimes when trying to introduce a new daily habit, it may be more realistic to aim for a smaller goal at first, such as one or two days a week and work our way up. When our goal is five days but we only workout one, we may feel that we let ourselves down and beat ourselves up about it. If, on the other hand, we set our goal to be only one or two days and we accomplish that, we feel good. We can always increase our goal as we start seeing success.

I'm working back into my own morning routine. My goal is to get back to a full two hours to myself first thing in the morning, at least five days a week. When I allow myself to exercise, meditate, and journal during these two hours, I start my day feeling accomplished, centered, and fully of energy. For a variety of reasons, I fell out of my routine. Because I know it's not realistic for me to jump right back into the full two hours, I'm easing in. I've been re-integrating meditation over the last two months; that was the easiest for me to start with because I was directly seeing the value of it throughout my day and I could do it in as few as 10 or 15 minutes. With that habit fairly established, I'm starting to work journaling back into my morning, because again, I can do that in as few as 15 minutes. When those two routines are solid, I'll reintroduce exercise. Starting simple and building my way back up is what works for me. 

It's natural to get excited when we are making positive changes, and it's a good thing that we do! Sometimes, however, the key is to start small and simple and ease our way in. The most important thing to remember is to pay attention to what works for you and then, do THAT. We are all different. What works for one will not work for another. Pay attention to when you have your highest energy levels, and to what BRINGS you energy. Let's not underestimate the effort that change requires, even when it's a positive change and one that we want. 

*To learn more about ICF, visit them at www.coachfederation.org