COACHING VULNERABILITY

Coach DeAngelo Wiser

Vulnerability. ?Not a word many coaches embrace. Often we use it when talking about weakness of an opponent, such as, they’re vulnerable to a counter attack, or they expose their vulnerability on corners by man marking every time. And in our coaching meetings we may talk about our team’s vulnerability in the next game. So the impression and mental image is one of an advantage for our team or a weakness our opponent might expose on us.

?But what about as a coach? How can vulnerability make us stronger? After all we don’t want a word associated with weakness being a part of our coaching style with our players. How could it ever help us to be vulnerable with our team? It will only make us appear weak and who would want to play for a weak vulnerable coach? What other thoughts come to mind when you consider coaching vulnerability? What image of a vulnerable coach do you have at this moment?

Let’s think about the definition as it pertains to our profession. It’s a weakness or some area where we are exposed or at a perceived risk. Ideally we want to deal from a position of strength and confidence at all times, but can being vulnerable help us lead our team? Will we know every answer for every situation?

Greg Popovich, 5 time NBA championship coach with the San Antonio Spurs gives us insight in vulnerability with this quote, “Sometimes in timeouts I’ll say, I’ve got nothing for you. What do you want me to do? We just turned the ball over 6 times. Everyone’s holding the ball. What else do you want me to do here? Figure it out.” ?He’s doing his best to convince his players to lead themselves, and in the process exposing his vulnerability to allow them to lead. Is it easy for you to let your players lead?

Vulnerability is actually a sign of courage and strength. You may not feel that way at the moment, but letting others know you don’t have all the answers and you need their help brings your team together and makes it stronger. Think back on times you’ve felt vulnerable. That first day with a new team, that first game, the first day of school, meeting a new teammate or that first day of class when you hoped you wouldn’t be called on for answers.

In a more classic sense feeling vulnerable may be, “What will I say after that heartbreaking loss?” What do I say with my player who just tore her ACL?” “What do I tell my team after I made that bad decision?” “How will I explain that my player won’t be starting tonight?” All questions that require courageous answers while listening to comments that might not be what we want to here.

When we think of connecting with our players we want to be sincere, genuine and authentic. It’s what builds trust. It does no good to coach from a seemingly lofty position with a demeanor of I know every answer to every situation. When you do it exiles your players to a lowly status void of sincere, genuine and authentic. It’s only natural to want to know all the answers, but it may actually be better to say, “I don’t know. Let’s work together to find the answer.”

We also feel vulnerable when players fill out end of the year surveys concerning the season and rating our coaching ability. Not easy to read some of the comments knowing you poured your heart and soul into the season and not be somewhat upset. The same can be true when our Athletic Director evaluates our performance. Think of it this way, none of us are perfect or know all the answers, so do your best to use it as a learning tool to grow and develop. If it helps remember, you’re not going to make every player happy.

Have you given thought of how vulnerability impacts your players? What signs have you noticed? How did you react? Have you had a player who was a perfectionist? Did it impact their ability to practice and play? A lot of our players grew up being praised for every statistical category in the game. It became the reason they played and how they and others evaluated their so called success. Now they play for your team, and if things don’t go their way they become their worst enemy. At this point what can you do? Talk with them about vulnerability using examples of previous players who finally realized they can be successful and still make mistakes. Remind them their worth isn’t based on numbers, and being vulnerable is about being courageous when the game doesn’t always conform to our standards and expectations. Let them know by working together you’ll help them through the tough times.

For some coaches, coaching is all about having power. The power of being in charge, making all the decisions, having all the answers, being up front, leading all the meetings and talking to the media. In essence it’s all about them. It’s their team and in their mind they’re the reason the team is successful, or so they think. But vulnerability catches up with all of us if we don’t already embrace it. ?It’s at that moment when you’re searching for the right answer without success, you labor over a decision you’ve never made or you can’t help your team overcome a game changing situation you’ve never seen. You have two choices. Make up an answer or solution that may not help or that you doubt, or ask your team what they feel would be a good solution. They know when you really don’t know, so go ahead and let them figure it out. The power in this situation is working together.

Whether we admit it or not, we are vulnerable the moment we become a coach. There will be many situations we’ve never encountered before or know the solution for. Even after years of coaching that doesn’t change. Being vulnerable means you are open and honest with your players and include them when searching for answers and solving problems along the way. In my best words to my players it means, I couldn’t do this without you and I wouldn’t want to.

When we think back on what Coach Popovich shared we get a glimpse of what can help us in vulnerable moments……….pretty simple really, ask questions, be honest if you don’t have an answer and engage your players to find a solution. It’s okay, it’s still your team, but now you have players willing to help shoulder a burden you’ve been carrying by yourself for way to long.

I wish you and your team the best!

Visit us at https://wisersportsleadership.com/