Coaching Toxic Leaders: Questions from webinar attendees and responses

Originally published at https://coacharya.com on August 21, 2023

Author: Gayatri Krishnamurthy

(This blog is a compilation of the questions and general comments from the chat box during Coacharya’s webinar dated 10th May 2023 on Toxic Leadership)

What is toxic leadership? How does one recognize it? These were some of the oft-repeated questions during our webinar on toxic leadership. It is indeed important, though a tad bit difficult, to come up with a definitive answer. One of the most commonplace definitions of toxic leadership is “leaders who engage in numerous destructive behaviors and who exhibit certain dysfunctional personal characteristics.” Within this definition, there is some overlap between the concept of toxic leadership and other definitions or approaches such as destructive leadership, bullying, and autocratic leadership styles such as Laissez Faire, and non-contingent punishment leadership.?

Leadership & Self-Awareness

In a poll Coacharya did before the webinar, most people said they have experienced toxicity at their workplace. Even during our webinar discussions, many people came forward with anecdotes of toxic bosses and how such behaviors can have a lasting impact on the recipient of toxicity. Going by the popular phrase, “You are the product of your environment,” one could argue that this toxicity can spread to others. And indeed, it does. Going by a question which caught our eyes during the webinar, how does one become aware of unintentionally behaving like a toxic leader?

You are what you are and where you are, because of what’s gone in your mind. You can change what you are, and you can change what you are by changing what goes into your mind.

• ?Zig Ziglar

Self-awareness is key. It is important for leaders to audit the contents of their minds and be aware of the temptation of power. Keeping ourselves in check is the first step to avoiding imbibing toxic behaviors. To this end, some techniques (already known to coaches) that can be practiced are:?

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1. Self Reflection
2. Seeking Feedback
3. Being open to change and educating oneself: Becoming more open and learning about different styles of leadership. Accepting flaws and mistakes along with the virtues and embracing the opportunity to grow.?
4. Awareness of boundaries: Reflect if you are taking advantage of or playing favorites.
5. Cultivating empathy and emotional intelligence
6. Learning to apologize

Narcissism & Gender in Toxic Leadership?

Narcissism is a major contributor to toxic leadership. There is some evidence that this trait is seen more in male leaders. For example, a Forbes article titled New Research Reveals Workplace Toxic Culture Gap Between Women and Men mentions that after looking at how more than 3 million American employees shared their thoughts on Glassdoor, a site for company reviews, researchers discovered that between 2016 and 2021, women were 35% more likely than men to talk about a toxic culture. This means they often mentioned issues like being treated badly, feeling left out, or facing rude behavior, unfairness, or unethical actions. However, more intensive research needs to be undertaken to unravel the extent of this gap. While some studies do suggest that women may be more likely to experience adverse effects of toxic leadership, individual responses vary.?

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Toxic Leadership: Challenges for Internal Coaches

Another interesting aspect of toxic workplaces is where internal coaches exist. However, in the face of a toxic leader or workplace, their role faces a unique dilemma. Needless to say, an internal coach has to deal with issues of loyalty, confidentiality, personal well-being, and balancing the needs of the organization and the individual. External coaches also face dilemmas of neutrality, and the well-being of the clients as opposed to a number of other people who may be recipients of toxic behavior. They can face ethical dilemmas of balancing the need for change with the potential consequences of challenging ethical behavior. The internal coach will find it difficult to walk away.

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So, what can be the solution?

Internal coaches need to continuously assess their feelings and sense of well-being, seek support from their own mentors or coaches, and assess their limitations and boundaries. In addition, they will need a lot of support from the human resources in a company and the higher management to deal with such a situation.?

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Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Culture

Sometimes, toxicity becomes a sort of club where like-minded people hang out. There is an old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together.” As we explored empathy as a way of dealing with toxic leaders, it came with another important question – what about a toxic culture, where you cannot break the vicious cycle??

Old Boys’ Club is typically a male-dominated network that can influence business decisions, mainly promotions, successions, etc. They are a somewhat homogenous group, practicing nepotism and favoritism (for instance, Harvard’s legacy admission policy which has now been called out). There is an informal influence and it is generally a closed network that is difficult to break into. Many significant decisions take place in golf clubs, high-end bars, or even in exclusive private homes. This also limits the opportunities for non-club members, thus hindering and limiting diversity. This can lead to a toxic and frustrating work environment.

The best antidote is vigilance and self-reflection whether you also have such a network which seems “Holier than thou” but gives an undue advantage. Networks are here to stay, and leaders are encouraged all the time to build it from the cradle to the grave. While it can be challenging to break into this club, focusing on one’s professional network and connecting with influential individuals who value merit and diversity can help in the long run.?

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Aggressive Leadership & Toxicity

Assertiveness and aggressiveness have a thin line between them. If you find yourself shifting to an aggressive approach, it’s a warning signal that your behavior might be fostering a toxic atmosphere at work and possibly even in your personal life. Aggressive leadership, if involving consistent displays of hostile, abusive, or demeaning behavior, is toxic. Ambitious, driven leaders who can inspire others, promote diversity of opinions, listen, and give others the due credit, are less likely to turn toxic. Toxic leaders use intimidation as a weapon and spread negativity. Leaders have to guard and check if they are seen as intimidating even if they don’t mean to.?

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Potential for Change in Toxic Leaders

Can toxic leaders change for the better? If yes, what percentage of leaders could be open to growing? Unfortunately, only a small percentage of leaders are willing to embrace change. These changes generally happen when there is a cataclysmic event like being sacked. Measuring the willingness of leaders who exhibit toxic behavior to grow or change, can be challenging, as it depends on various factors such as individual personalities, circumstances, and the nature of their toxic behavior.?

However, it is worth noting that not all leaders who exhibit toxic behavior are completely resistant to change. Some may recognize the negative impact of their behavior and be open to personal development and improvement. Others, however, may be more resistant and reluctant to change due to factors like ego, fear of being vulnerable, or a lack of self-awareness.?

It is essential to remember that people can change, but the degree of openness to change varies among individuals. Organizations can play a role in encouraging a culture of feedback, promoting self-awareness, and providing opportunities for leaders to improve their skills and behaviors. Coaching, mentorship, and leadership development programs can also contribute to fostering positive change in leaders with toxic behaviors.?

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Addressing Trauma Responses

Toxicity has detrimental effects on mental health and emotional health, along with a host of other negative effects. It also triggers several trauma responses. In this context, it is important to think of stress-alleviating techniques for those at the receiving end of toxic leadership.?

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Some of the things that can be done to this end are :

• Demonstrate your value: Focus on work and on consistently delivering high-quality work. Highlight your tangible worth, achievements, and contribution so that it is visible.
• Seek support: A network of allies within and outside your organization can provide a listening ear and guidance. They can also vouch for your abilities.
• Navigating Concerns: Voice your misgivings and concerns to a trusted colleague o HR person. To do this, document incidents and share facts along with the concerns.
• Keep your options open: If after taking efforts to counter toxicity, it still persists, look for options elsewhere in the company, if it has multiple divisions. If not, look outside. Here again, strategically networking and keeping an ear out for opportunities will always help career progression.?

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In the realm of toxic leadership, we have explored definitions, challenges arising out of toxicity, and potential avenues for transformation. It is our hope that these insights spark not just awareness, but action to shape better, healthier, and thriving workplaces where authentic leadership reigns. Let’s continue this dialogue for positive change, empowerment, and transformational shifts. The journey may be tough, but the destination – empowering leadership and inclusive growth – is one well worth pursuing.??

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash