Coaching : A Subtle Art of Getting Things Done

Becoming a great Coach is a life long journey, however everyone can be a coach and use coaching as a conversation, negotiation and motivation tool. Something very similar to cooking, becoming a great Chef takes years of focus and commitment , but everyone can cook a decent meal if they intend to.

I have been blessed with excellent coaches in my life, I have reasons to believe that the right one walks in my journey when I need. There is serious serendipity is play, as if universe conspires to make right teachers available to me. Some of them are professional trained coaches and some of them have been my friends, seniors at work and family members. All of them have these characteristics that are common

1. They truly care for me and have deeper intent for my wellbeing and growth
2. They believe in my dreams and my capabilities to achieve my dreams
3. They are good listeners, they listen to understand and not make judgements
4. They are good mirrors reflecting the true picture
5. They are fearless in challenging assumptions, beliefs, comfort zones
6. They ask questions , that make you reflect and search the answers for

My mother is really tough one when it comes to giving feedback, it is raw truth presented on face. it is really difficult to take in first place, but deep down the knowledge of her unconditional love makes me reflect and then pick conversations. When I am going through my very own deep dark dungeon, she is the companion to talk through it. She makes me look at the worst possibility and then help me realize worst is not that difficult and we can sail through the same. At a point of time I was frustrated and wanted just go ahead and quit my job, cursing my luck for what was happening around.She was peacefully sitting there asking me to be calm. I completely lost it , I was furious. She told me you are getting it all wrong, this may be the best thing to happen, you have always been passionate about teaching and coaching because of the job you are not able to follow your passion and dreams. Only when there is no boundary of a paid job you will do what you love to do. It really helped me deal with the situation at work with honesty and conviction, as I was no more tied up in self created victim mode.

Claire Genkai Breeze has been my constant guide and coach for more than a decade. She is the one who guided me in my deeper journey of knowing self and knowing others. She taught me the importance of preparing yourself to be the mirror, where you can reflect the truth, which is the toughest lesson to learn. She is the lighthouse one needs to look upto and get the directions for the journey. There has never been any formal coaching journey between us, but she has always been there for me. 

My very close friend Srijata, she has this uncanny and irritating way of presenting a completely different perspective and challenging whatever I have been thinking. Most of the time at the end of the conversation I will be like it is no use telling her my views, but then what we discussed plays on and I am able to think think through all challenges to my perspective and I am better prepared. She is a person to go to before Important conversations.

My dear friend Murali, is a brilliant listener, he listens, asks some pertinent questions and make observations making me build on my thoughts and set resolution. 

My friend and guide Pradeep Mallick, who also happens to be a brilliant executive coach helps me talk through all the options and take decisions. He seems to appear from nowhere, when I am looking for guiding light.

At work I have many examples of people who are listening boards and help me find answers and solutions. In have wise friends who are good bouncing boards. That is what coaching is all about. 

The key characteristics of BEING a coach

Alive : Listening deeply, understanding the context and the person. Connecting at both heart and mind

Believe : trusting and believing that the person has or can develop the skill, will and ability to achieve the goal

Courage : not getting shaken by what the other person think or feel about you? What impressions it will create. Asking the questions that matter

Decisiveness : collecting all the data and information that matters and mirroring it back to the person to deriving insights from them

Empathy : Empathy is To listen deeply, understand, placing oneself in other person's shoes ,respecting different views. Interested I wellbeing of the other person

Fun : It is the glue that brings people closure

Growth Mindset : There is always opportunity to improve, and aspirations should keep on going higher and higher

Honesty and Humility : Truth needs to be stated, truth is not absence of lies it is about being honest is presenting the real picture. One needs humility to accept and present the truth.

I have been coaching leaders for more than a decade and in my experience working on self and building the care, compassion and tough love has made the people I coached solve tough problems and be their best.

The process of COACHING

1. Establish whats the goal that we are trying to achieve , the best possibility, the dream state, the solution, the to be state
2. Understand the context, ground realities, experiences, people, strengths, whats worth appreciating, ideas the As-Is
3. Explore the possibilities, options for bringing the gap
4. Critically evaluate all options 
5. Work on the way forward

You can use coaching with your loved ones to help them get unstuck, find solutions, grow and be their best. You can use coaching at work to really get work done to drive performance and help your colleagues bring out their best. 

In the current work environments coaching is emerging as a key behavior and competency of any people manager and leader. While there is a lot of focus on the process of coaching, I strongly believe the true magic of coaching happens only when as people managers we start imbibing the characteristics of good coach. These aspects of out character help us building strong relationships at work imperative for success.

Do not let the universal question of “ To be or not to be “ enter your thoughts. As it is crystal clear when it comes to being a coach the answer is JUST BE !