Coaching: The one skill every people manager must master in 2022 - and two books to start developing it

Early in 2021, my employer decided to trust me, and they allowed me to become a people manager for some fantastic talents over the year. And if there is one thing I learned from being what we call a Talent Lead, it is to know when to listen.

And these talents keep amazing me: they bring grand ambitions, they bring clear convictions, and they are so much more self-conscious than I have been at that point in my career. But most challengingly: dang, do they bring a will to change how the (working) world works. And that goes way deeper than how the public discusses the buzz-words new work or the climate crisis.

As leaders, we could try and teach those talents some realism. We could shape them into conformists - people who understand "how business is done". From my (little but crisp and clear) experience: We would fail so hard to nurture a new generation of today's employees or leaders that we can't even say goodbye as fast as they left.

As leaders, we must accept that a lot will change - we either co-design it or lose relevance.

Most believe that the (business) world will be so different in 20 years, we can't even begin to imagine the vast differences. To some, this evolution poses a threat to avoid - especially to those whom organisations awarded for their behaviour for decades.

I see the next generation - some may call Generation Z - as a massive opportunity for our society and the world as a whole.

Consequently, as leaders, we must know how to listen. We must understand their ideas, ambitions, and dreams - the change they want to see in the world.

We must help them find ways to achieve their ambitions, help them find ways to realise the change they want to see in the world. These ambitious, conviction-driven and self-conscious talents will change the world - the real question is: will they do it with us or without us?

I choose to do it with them. And luckily, there is a name for the ability to help others find and realise what they want: Coaching. And whenever I find the time to invest in my leadership toolbox, I invest it into growing my Coaching muscles.

"We are all naturally creative, resourceful, and whole"

The coachee knows solutions and has the power to implement them.

Co-Active Coaching is the form of Coaching I am familiar enough with to share my points of view and experience. It puts the belief mentioned above at the core of what the coach does. Believing that coachees have the capacities and abilities to realise the change they want in their lives is vastly different from what I have experienced as a more traditional leadership style.

When the traditional leader would explain how to do the job, the coaching leader would ask how the coachee would do it. There are so many benefits in asking questions like these: Coachees learn to identify solutions to their problems themselves, and by that, we can find new, maybe more efficient, ways of achieving the same - or even better - results. We grow people with continuous improvement and execution part of their DNA. People who believe in their ability to make a difference - a whole new level of self-esteem.

Please assume that the talents we lead step into the role of coachees, imagine the potential for your business, for your products, and how your culture could evolve.

All we need to do, as leaders, is step into the role of a coach. Easy enough, right?

Dead wrong!

Being a coach is hard work. We must stay focused and tuned in to so many signals that after a 60-minute coaching conversation, we will most likely need a pretty good break. So don't even begin thinking you could be a coach just by asking questions.

If you are serious about starting to develop your Coaching muscles - the ability to 'dance in the moment' - begin with the following two books. These have been an essential part of my personal and professional growth over the last few years.

Radical Candor - by Kim Scott

Radical Candor has helped me become more empathetic. While it's not a book on Coaching by itself, Radical Candor promotes honest conversations, honest feedback and career development along with individual preferences.

Two of Kim's practices have proven powerful for me as a learning leader:

1. Ask for Radical Candor before giving it
2. Build careers around what the talent envisions for their career pinnacle

Source: The Book — "Radical Candor" by Kim Scott | by Jean-Marie Buchilly | It's Your Turn (itsyourturnblog.com)

Ask for Radical Candor before giving it.

Radical Candor is the idea of giving brutally honest, constructive feedback - while also showing that you care, that you provide the feedback in service of the recipient and their best interest. Do not mistake Radical Candor with what Kim Scott calls Obnoxious Aggression - throwing around accusations, belittling the people around you.

For me, as someone who in the past struggled with taking feedback for what it is - well-intended, constructive suggestions to improve - asking for Radical Candor has been somewhat of a therapy. While even the most well-intended feedback shook me most of the time (I took almost every feedback as an attack on my character), I can now separate constructive feedback from attacks on my person.

This learning process took time, and it has also set free my capacity to give truly helpful feedback as a leader. I rarely gave constructive feedback in the past: I transferred my bad handling of feedback onto the recipients of my feedback - and thus infrequently gave some at all. Consequently, not only do I benefit from this learning process. Judging by what talents are telling me, many of them perceive my feedback as specific, concrete, constructive, and empowering, which is much more than I could have hoped for!

Build careers around what the talent envisions for their career pinnacle

The second piece of advice that stuck with me was part of a real-life conversation Kim chose to make the case in her book. Instead of putting together the typical Target Agreement made up of assignments and KPIs mainly - or even purely - driven by the business objectives, start with the talent's ambitions.

As a leader, try and understand what the talent sees themselves doing at the pinnacle of their career: What kind of assignments or projects do they see themselves enjoying? How much do they work? Where do they work? When do they work? What else is important to them about work-life-integration? (Thanks for the term, Adam Grant)

Once you've documented these as the talents 'north star', you can then discuss how to get there. As leaders, we might ask questions about the skills the talent believes they need, what kind of experiences they need, what type of network they need... and so much more. The key here is to ask exploratory questions.

And asking exploratory questions is the well-trained coach's superpower.

Co-Active Coaching - by Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl, Laura Whitworth

Hands down: Co-Active Coaching so far is the book I took almost four times as many notes on as I took on any other book. Some describe it as "the bible of coaching" - rightfully so if you'd ask me.

'Co-Active' means active together - the coachee and the coach are both active in their interaction. Believing that the coachee is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole puts much responsibility on the coach: we don't judge, guide, and recommend - we ask questions and follow the coachee's energy. That's what they call 'dancing in the moment' - following the coachee where they lead us.

Source: Co-Active Coaching – Franziska Eichler

Co-Active Coaching is full of question techniques and real-life conversation examples to help readers understand their application. At the same time, it is so much more than 'just' a guide for asking good questions: It defines the coaches mindset, their approach to coaching conversations and how to create the right conditions for Coaching.

What makes Co-Active Coaching so valuable is the entirety and wholeness of what is covered. The authors wrote a specific, engaging, deep, and motivating piece. When reading about the techniques and the examples, they build up an urge to try and learn to do what they can do by asking questions. At least for me.

One more thing.

Being trusted to lead people, to develop talent is a huge privilege to me. You get the power to co-design the future of your company and the ability to make or break young careers. And with great power comes great responsibility.

As leaders, we must be aware of the power we have been given and the responsibility that comes with it. Therefore, I thank the people that placed their trust in me.

On the one hand, this is the leadership at Capgemini Invent. They have co-designed my path within the company, my professional and personal growth - and they allow me to keep growing. They encourage me to co-design the future of our company by developing the next generation of our workforce and future leaders.

But that is nothing compared to the trust that each individual on the team I am fortunate to lead placed in me: All of you made a conscious decision to join this team, and you trust me to help you develop and grow to the best of your potential. I will always be the first-ever people manager in your first full-time job for many of you.

Thank you so much for believing in me and putting your trust in me.

For more inspiration - including this quote from 'Trillion Dollar Coach' - I firmly recommend the three books that made it on my 2020 highlights list: