Coaching the Neurodivergent

I love choice magazine. No, I didn't forget to capitalize...that's the way it's written: choice, the magazine of professional coaching . I love it because they cover truly timely and relevant concepts that help my coaching business every day. And it's the oldest publication in print (and digital) that is by, for, and about coaches - over 20 years now. The current issue is Neuroscience and Coaching, and I highly recommend you pick up a copy and subscribe!

My involvement with choice has grown over the decades, as has my deep friendship with the publisher, Garry Schleifer, PCC, for everything choice . I've written feature articles, served on the editorial board, and currently I co-author a regular column called "sticky situations" and serve as the strategic advisor to the editorial board. I learn so much from my wonderful colleagues on this board, and love our meetings!

Here's a taste of the sticky situation in the current issue of choice, as well as my response to it:

The Situation:

I have a neurodivergent client who is on the autism spectrum. They are very engaged in coaching and say they love it, but I feel like I just can’t tap into a real emotional connection to their topics. How should I approach this?

Considering that our brains all work differently, aren’t we all neurodivergent to some extent? This was my first question upon reading your sticky situation, which sent me down a research rabbit hole where I learned that “neurodiversity” comes from Judy Singer, an Australian sociologist who coined the term back in 1998 to recognize that no two brains are exactly the same and all our brains develop in unique ways.

We all have our different strengths and struggles, abilities and challenges. In today’s culture, the term has evolved such that neurodivergent is an identity stake, much like gender-fluid, and perhaps it is offensive to those who identify as neurodivergent to suggest that we are all neurodivergent to some degree.

You mention the autism spectrum, which adds a layer of complexity to this conversation since no two people with autism are the same – meaning there is even more neurodiversity within the autism spectrum. We can’t pigeonhole our clients’ brains into any one coaching approach or methodology. There’s no specific coaching methodological approach specific to autism. That means, on some level, that your approach when coaching your client with autism is not really any different than your approach with a more neurotypical client, in that you will:

1. Meet your clients where they are;

2. Remember, it’s their agenda, not yours;

3. Be present and authentic in connecting with your client;

4. Learn about their world (perhaps by researching autism and neurodiversity).

It’s interesting that you feel a need to “tap into a real emotional connection to their topics. ” Why? Can you only coach those who are like you in terms of values, interests, world views, etc.? Perhaps this is something to explore with your own coach, because there may be a blind spot or limiting belief there about your need to have any emotional connection to client topics whatsoever.

Have you ever successfully coached a client whose topics you didn’t care about at all, or perhaps even strongly disagreed with? For example, if you are a personal advocate of gun use and your client was an activist for strict gun laws, could you still coach them? Do you have to connect to their topics to help them identify blind spots and shift limiting beliefs they may hold?

Or are you perhaps assuming that the client’s autism or neurodiversity is what is causing their topics to be disconnected for you? Do you have a belief or judgment about their topics? Does that serve you as the coach? Does that serve them as the client for you to have that belief or judgment? Is it true? What shift would serve them better?

My neurodivergent clients and friends are my favorite people, because I get to play in their world – which often includes magical brilliance not found out here in the so-called “normal” world.

If you are interested in reading more?choice?articles, use my special coupon code, LPC25, to receive a 25% discount off a print, digital or combo subscription: https://choice-online.com/subscribechoice/ref/edtqmta0d5q6wvvpc5t6jxk5dhjp2s35e8q66vvd/