Coaching the mask off imposter syndrome

You know when Alicia Keys says, “We got way too much in common, if I’m being honest with you…” and that beat makes us forget about semantics until we pause and think about that next part, “If you want to love somebody like me you must be messed up too.”? Doesn’t sound great, right? Well, it turns out we do have lots in common, including our self doubt. All across the globe it seems, the same things keep us up at night. Do I belong here? Can I do this? Am I good enough? This week, I share my conversations with transformational coach, Shada Francis, who’s witnessed this firsthand in her work with leaders across seven different countries, and who has some advice for the self-doubters among us.

Are you an imposter?

Imposter syndrome is a term used to describe the sense that we somehow don’t deserve our success and we’ll probably be found out and proven to be as inadequate as we fear we are. One of my favourite anecdotes from author Neil Gaiman demonstrates just how widespread imposter syndrome is:

On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”

And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”

If Neil Armstrong can feel like an imposter, you’re likely to have experienced it at some point, too.

Shada Francis

Many of the leaders I love work in education. That Shada and I have that in common was the bit of small talk that connected us at the event at which we met in Cape Town a few months ago. I was inspired by her tale of how she’d reinvented herself, taking a big shift in job title as part of the cost of the dream she chose to move to a new country, with a young child, and just her own resilience to support her. She vibrates with calm, a deep understanding of the importance of her own mindset, and the necessity of kind self-reflection.

Shada has qualifications and experience in several coaching methodologies, and describes herself as a transformational life coach, and she has lived that title by helping people grow into their powers for over a decade. She arrived in China to redesign herself and her career in 2007, at a time in her life when most people feel like they should be settled in their careers, enjoying their families and preparing for the luxury of retirement. And yet Shada was launching the next phase of her own development. It’s a scary thing to do at any stage in your life, but she made a series of decisions, starting with facing the fear of the unknown, letting go of the potential of other people’s judgements (and her own) about failure, and by the time she left that country, she had served as a coach and mentor, even to leaders she reported to, alongside her role as a school teacher and leader. She’d also established an NGO, Pathways of Hope, to support women and children to gain access to education through grassroots programs across rural China.

“Courage is not the absence of fear”

Despite these accomplishments, Shada points out that overcoming the self-doubt she routinely coaches others on, was a journey she had to walk herself. “I used to experience the intense feeling of inadequacy and the need to be perfect in my work. In anything I did I had to be perfect, and if ever I made a mistake I would experience deep shame and regret… [I remember] sitting and glaring at the typo on the cover letter that I had already submitted [for a big promotion] and feeling devastated, beating myself up [about] the other person seeing me as unprofessional.” In the midst of this real anguish, her supervisor explained to her the phenomenon of imposter syndrome, shared his own struggles, and introduced her to the first coach who helped her learn the skills to deal with that little voice that confirms that limiting belief that we’re not good enough.

And she’s seen many leaders struggle with dropping their masks to own their power.

Limiting beliefs are contagious - when imposter syndrome becomes toxic culture

In a team Shada led in her time in Hong Kong, she worked with “Katie”, a talented, capable young woman, who earned a promotion within a relatively short time span. Despite this, Katie was often resistant when asked to present or lead tasks outside of her comfort zone. Years later, Katie joined Shada’s practice as a coaching client and confirmed what Shada had observed in their time in the same organisation - she had begun to surround herself with a group of people who supported her belief in her limits and echoed her negative reactions to challenge. In their time apart, Katie had been able to identify that her sense of insecurity had held her back from opportunities for growth that would have really benefited her. In their coaching, she identified some old stories she had been holding on to from all the way back in childhood that she’s been able to reexamine and rewrite.

Dropping the mask and owning your potential

Shada notes that despite “not feeling good enough” and “overwhelm” being common challenges, surprisingly little is done to support leaders in developing these skills alongside the technical abilities they receive training for. The tools she learned helped her gain some control of this and learn the crucial value of celebrating herself and her successes.

This is what Katie had been neglecting and it was my favourite takeaway from Shada’s nuggets. You may already know how low self worth can negatively affect how you feel, act, and show up for the opportunities you want, and it can be extremely difficult to address because the roots of it are often in stories you aren’t even fully aware of yet. But even more powerfully - when we look for external validation, not only do we risk either not finding it, or worse, finding support for the unkind things we say about ourselves, but we also risk giving the credit to things outside of us for our successes. If you never allow yourself to gather evidence of the things you can do, it’s a bit like trying to fill a pool with a leaky bucket. And so Shada’s repeated call to action is to “allow yourself to think about the good work you have done and take credit for your successes - big and small”.

How can coaching help you with that?

Because so many of the sources of our lack of belief have origins way back in our past, it can be difficult to spot them. Remember my story about the leader who realized that being falsely accused of theft as a child had made him sensitive to feeling accused or misrepresented? A coach can help you uncover those stories by exploring your patterns with you, asking the questions you may not ask yourself, and noticing the shifts you have throughout the process.

In her own words, Shada helps leaders grow beyond their limitations. She seeks to help her clients:

• Crush limiting beliefs, and know that they are the architect of their future.
• Know that they never have to match up to anyone’s ideals but their own.
• Acknowledge that most of us have inherited a history of hurts that are not our own.
• And accept that it’s their time to break the rules that have kept them in bondage and defy what others say is “impossible”.

Freeing yourself in this way can allow you to have more clarity around your goals and vision than you might believe possible right now.

And Shada’s challenge for every leader reflecting on their goals right now is, “don't wait for the end of the year. Don't wait for the 1st of January. Do it now.”

Are you ready to transform?

So do you see how imposter syndrome or other limiting beliefs may be holding you back? Do you understand how those whispered stories about not being deserving or “as good as” your peers may get in the way of your leadership? You already know what I’m going to say - get a coach!

Shada works with clients locally and internationally in both individual and group settings and she has some exciting new initiatives coming up next year in the form of leadership workshops and masterminds to help leaders, with or without formal leadership titles, define their visions and chart the course towards them. My favourite descriptor from her many client testimonials is “heart-centred” - it speaks to the warmth I first experienced when I met Shada, and feels like the appropriate approach to helping people do the difficult things she supports her clients through. You can reach out to her on LinkedIn or via her website to learn more, or email her with any enquiries or requests.

Although I do really love that song, I’m not so sure about those lyrics. Something we could all do with having in common, is finding a coach to help us find those sneaky spots in our thought patterns that are still holding us back years after they’ve become unhelpful. Are you brave enough to face your fears and realize that maybe you don’t need a mask after all?