"The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier is a refreshingly concise and practical guide that distills well-established coaching techniques into straightforward bullet points, sparing readers from unnecessary jargon and filler. Michael Bungay Stanier, an experienced coach and author, offers a direct and no-nonsense approach to coaching, making it accessible to anyone looking to improve their leadership and communication skills.
At the heart of the book are seven questions that, serve as a practical framework for effective coaching conversations. Stanier encourages readers to adopt a habit of asking these questions to become more impactful coaches and leaders:
- "The Kickstart Question" - An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, "What's on your mind?" It's something of a Goldilocks question, walking a fine line so it is neither too open and broad nor too narrow and confining.?It cuts through the noise and gets straight to the heart of the matter.
- "The AWE Question" - The AWE (And What Else?) question encourages deeper exploration by following up initial responses with "And what else?" When you use "And what else?" you'll get more options and often better options. Better options lead to better decisions. This simple yet potent query helps uncover additional insights and perspectives.
Tame the Advice Monster:
We've all got a deeply ingrained habit of slipping into the advice-giver/expert/ answer-it/solve-it/fix-it mode. Don't be an advice monster. It's an ineffective and overused response.
- "The Focus Question" - As soon as you hear the problem, you have a strong desire to fix it, and offer a solution to it. But when people start talking to you about the challenge at hand, what is essential to remember is that what they’re laying out for you is rarely the actual problem. Focus on the real problem, not the first problem. To help clarify the core issue, ask: "What's the real challenge here for you?" This question guides the conversation towards addressing the root problem rather than surface symptoms.
- "The Foundation Question" - This question seeks to determine the desired outcome: "What do you want?" Understanding the coachee's goals and aspirations is crucial for effective guidance.The trap of the old habit is that you think you know what they want. And sometimes, they think they know what they want. Especially when you’re pretty sure you know what they want, but haven’t actually asked them, or when you keep going even though you think you’re missing something. Just ask “What do you want?”
“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place” George Bernhard Shaw
- "The Lazy Question" - Counterintuitively, the "Lazy Question" asks: "How can I help?" The power of “How can I help?” is twofold. First, you’re forcing your colleague to make a direct and clear request. He might not know or be clear about what he wanted. Second, it stops you from thinking that you know how best to help and leaping into action. That’s the classic Rescuer behavior.
“The minute we begin to think we have all the answers, we forget the questions.” Madeleine L’Engle
- "The Strategic Question" - To inspire reflection and forward-thinking, ask: "If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" It encourages the coachee to consider the implications of their decisions.To begin with, you’re asking people to be clear and committed to their Yes. Too often, we kinda sorta half-heartedly agree to something, or more likely there is a complete misunderstanding in the room as to what’s been agreed to. ?So to ask, "Let's be clear: What exactly are you saying Yes to?" brings the commitment out of the shadows. If you then ask, "What could being fully committed to this idea look like?" it brings things into even sharper, bolder focus.
- "The Learning Question" - Finally, the "Learning Question" closes the loop by asking: "What was most useful or valuable here for you?"
