Exploding some of the myths about Coaching
This is for all aspiring and existing coaches who want to truly discover the difference that makes the difference.
Listening to some presentations and conversations about coaching recently I was shocked (though not surprised) by what I heard and witnessed. So much so that I decided to put pen to paper (well fingers to the keyboard) to share my thoughts. So here we go …
The myths and my response
- That all coaching ‘has’ to start with a problem. Not so. Those of you trained in NLP may have learned that NLP is the study and celebration of excellence. Some of the most rewarding coaching sessions I have had and given have been those in which we confirmed our unique excellence. Research over time has shown that what we measure is what we get. If we pay attention to the problems we get more of the same. And similarly if we pay attention to the unique excellence that we all possess we get more of that!
- That you ‘need’ to follow a procedure when you are coaching. One of the many beautiful discoveries with NLP is that what makes a huge difference (THE difference) is to focus on the client and not on any procedure. I quote Milton Erickson “Unique therapists/coaches make unique interventions with unique clients at unique times in unique ways” Our greatest gift is our presence.
- It Is important to listen to the client and rarely if ever interrupt. I disagree. I had the great fortune of studying/working alongside Frank Farrelly (master of Provocative Coaching) for over 20 years. Interrupting patterns was his tour de force! Clients display and repeat patterns (don’t we all!). Interrupting unhelpful patterns is how we can avoid collaborating with that. It is what we do more than what we say that offers learning. Interrupting unproductive patterns destabilises and opens the mind to change.
- It takes time to get to know a client. Not so. We all reveal our patterns all the time. The ‘greats’ with whom I studied could spot defining patterns within minutes probably seconds of meeting someone. ‘The way we do something is the way we do everything’
- We must find an answer for the client. Well what I learned from Frank Farrelly is that we can BE the answer!! Join me on one of my programmes if you want to learn how!!
- What we do and what we say has the greatest effect on the client. Well I believe that it is our example (the metamessage) that has the greatest influence. And that does of course translate into our behaviour.?
- For years I taught how to set Well Formed Outcomes (an NLP technique). I rarely do these days. The world is changing so rapidly that our best strategy can be to be flexible, authentic and present. As we find that balance within ourselves we attract … others, business, interest …?
- Clients need to be taught the techniques before we can use them. NLP techniques and their details are often best when used for our own reference and facilitated but not necessarily described.
There is so much more I could add. I value your reactions and questions. After all this is designed to provoke!! And a final note - any of this only works if done in the spirit of learning and love!
Some films you might find provoking - Good Will Hunting (1997) and Shrinking (Apple TV series 2023)
Sue Knight - NLP Master Trainer and author of NLP at Work (now in its 4th edition and also in audio narrated by me finally!) and NLP and Leadership Manual.?
Dedicated Coaching Programme including a touch of Provocative this Summer
https://sueknight.com/course-list/
Transform Your Mindset & Thrive | Build Confidence, Emotional Balance & Lasting Fulfilment | NLP Coach, Master Practitioner & Mental Health Recovery Specialist
2 年I love this Sue, especially the “interrupting Patterns” part ??
Very true In my experience. The answer is always in their reality
Leadership Development Facilitator/Trainer with a no nonsense pragmatic style that gets results. If your managers are not doing what you want them to, get in touch.
2 年I so love this! Thank you for exploding these myths Sue Knight. Letting go of them was the point at which my coaching became so much more in the service of my client and was very liberating for all. Mind if I share?
(Quiet) Confidence, influence and impact for senior leaders and teams ?? @ Lynn Scott Coaching Ltd ?? Executive and Team Coach ?? #1 Amazon International Best Selling Author
2 年The third bullet really speaks to me, Sue Knight - as I've got older and wiser - or more like braver and bolder - I realise that is where I add most value. The 'people pleasing' me of years ago would not have dared. Now I know it's where I make the biggest impact. And you're right - those patterns present themselves very early on in a conversation very often indeed! Also I often think it helps to 'learn' something when we're starting out and then happily send it on its way!