Coaching Commentary #5: Article 1 on Confidence

[Coach Tom’s Commentary] How one shows up in the workplace – whether with positivity or a sense of dread are easily discerned by fellow colleagues and onlookers. Confidence is an often-underrated quality as compared to competency. However, having competence with no confidence can be even worse than being incompetent; as the latter knows the weakness and can seek to address it – whereas lacking in confidence require an awareness and acknowledgement, followed by motivation and desire to overcome that lack of confidence.

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Building Your Self-Confidence at Work

Many people wish they felt more secure about their abilities on the job. In other words, they're looking for increased self-confidence when it comes to performing the work, dealing with coworkers, and handling tough situations. If you're one of these people, you're not alone. What can you do to feel more self-assured about your job?

First, remember that you are not your job. That is, if you make a mistake at work, this does not mean that you are stupid, worthless, or that you're in the wrong position. It's all too easy to take mistakes personally, seeing them as a reflection of your true person rather than for what it is: a mistake. Even though it may not always appear so, everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The best way to deal with a mistake is to own up to it right away and present a solution. This shows that you are honest, and by presenting ways to fix the problem, your boss can send you on your way to deal with the issue. Acting honestly and straightforwardly is best for you--you'll feel better about yourself--and best for the company (which again will help you feel better).

Another common issue is feeling insecure when it comes to coworkers. Many people feel that they do not fit in, are unsure how to handle conflict, or have an overbearing coworker or boss that they don't know how to communicate with. Any of these feelings can wear at your self-esteem. You may feel you have nothing to offer the group, whether socially or on projects, you avoid conflict, and may allow others to step on you. If socialization is a problem, it will require you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. This does not mean you need to jump right in with a large company gathering; rather, take it slow by opening conversations with one or two coworkers. Chances are you'll have something in common. Asking questions about the other person is always a great way to go; just avoid questions with simple yes or no answers.

When dealing with conflict resolution and difficult employees, learning some proven communication techniques may be necessary. Consider attending a course on conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people. In the meantime, remember that the overbearing person likely has a lot of insecurities as well, and these are what cause the behavior. In the midst of conflict, do your best to avoid being pulled into argumentative situations. Don't reward the other person's behavior by getting upset or immediately backing down. If necessary, say you'll continue the conversation when everyone has had a chance to cool down. Dealing with negative coworkers is never fun. Try and remember that your self worth is not dependent on the coworker's approval, even if that person is your boss.

It could be you're feeling unsure about your skills. This one is pretty easy--learn more! Many companies offer continuing education options, will pay for schooling, or offer professional development in house. Whatever your employer offers, take advantage. If your company does not have this option, find some good books on the subject. Ask your colleagues for suggestions, or if you're a member of any type of professional group, seek advice there as well. Many of your peers will have good suggestions on what's worth looking into.

Finally, give yourself some challenges. One great way to build your self confidence at work is to take on a special project or extra work. If you choose something you feel passionate about or something in your specialty area, you can show yourself and your colleagues that you are able to produce results. Even if you fail, you're showing initiative and willingness by taking on special projects. Knowing that you put yourself out there, rather than sitting on the sidelines, can be a great confidence booster. And the same can be said for when it goes well.

Check Your Confidence Levels

?Would you like to be confident? Your answer may be - yes; I do want to be confident. However, this answer lacks the impact. It is too generalized. Just like everybody wants to do well in life and be rich but not many ever realize this wish. This is because to actually get somewhere in life, you need to quantify your confidence. You need to define the task for which you need to be confident so that you can execute it successfully.?A mere wish to be confident won’t take you anywhere. The dream must have a deadline as well!

Self Confidence might mean different things to different people groups. For a child it might mean to be able to recite the poem to her teacher the next morning. For a business executive it might mean to be able to present the business report to the Board of Directors. For a salaried person it may be the ability to be able to make a switch over from his secure job to a new independent venture and so on. To execute their respective tasks, these people need a certain level of confidence, which would see them through. Every task requires a minimum level of confidence to be able to be executed. Do you have a task in your mind to be done? Do you have the level of confidence required? Let us check it out!

Following is a simple questionnaire. You have to answer to these in a YES or NO

?1.??????Does it happen too often with you that you cannot take a decision all by yourself and you seem to look for your colleagues, friends, or your spouse to sort the matter for you?

2.??????Do you always seem to be in perpetual need of a support system wherein you can feel secure?

3.??????Do you just sit and listen all the times in your office meetings?

4.??????Do you feel difficulty in reporting a matter to your boss or you have an excellent idea that can improve your company’s efficiency but you cannot muster enough courage to go and talk about it to your Boss?

5.??????Are you terrified to meet someone new? Is public speaking your worst nightmare?

6.??????Do you timidly accept orders from your superior even though you know that you are already overloaded and you need to say no?

7.??????Are you excessively concerned about what other people think of you??

8.??????Do you fear taking risks?

9.??????Do you feel dissatisfied about your appearance?

10.??Are you uncomfortable in social gatherings – being amongst lots of people?

?If you happen to answer these questions with a Yes, you seem to have a confidence crisis that might become an obstacle in successfully executing your tasks. Don’t Panic, as it is good that you found out since now you are aware of a potential problem of your life. The very fact that you are aware of your confidence rating makes you ready to take further action and work towards eliminating the negative effects of low confidence levels and work towards building your self confidence.

?Here are some more questions you may answer.

?1.??????Have you accomplished anything in the past?

2.??????Are you the one to go ahead and break the ice at a new place or wait for someone else to initiate a discussion?

3.??????Do you feel you are well respected by others?

4.??????Do you think you have the potential to succeed?

5.??????Are you a happy and loving person?

6.??????Are you satisfied with your career graph?

7.??????Are you satisfied with your skills and qualifications?

8.??????Do you feel in control of your life?

9.??????Do you imagine yourself to be more successful five years from now?

10.??Do you feel that you are a worthwhile person?

?If you happen to answer most of these questions with a NO, you have LOW self-confidence levels.

?However, a YES is never decisive and a NO is never final. One needs to constantly maintain the good points and work towards converting bad points into good points. And the good news is that it is very much possible. It’s important that you honestly answer the questions above, since only when you realize the present status of your self-confidence would you be working towards building self-confidence or maintaining and increasing your present levels.

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