Is Coaching BS? It Depends.

About 10 years ago, my wife and I travelled to the southern U.S. with a group of friends to attend the party of a mutual friend. At that time, most of my professional life was spent travelling from city to city, doing keynote presentations and speaking for corporate audiences.

In other words, it was the ‘Old Shawn’ who, at the end of that trip, was sitting around with our three friends at the condo we had all rented. In the morning, we all had to fly off in different directions, and we wanted to take this one last opportunity to hang out and catch up.

Not long after we’d gotten settled with our drinks and snacks, one of my friends – who also happened to be my business coach at the time – suggested we play a game of truth or dare. No one was feeling particularly ‘daring’ that night, so my friend amended her pitch and said: “Let’s just play ‘truth’ then!” We all (somewhat be grudgingly) agreed.

As soon as the game started, my friend and business coach turned to me and said: “I pick Shawn first.” ‘Of course’, I thought to myself. Then she asked the following question: “Shawn, what do you honestly think about the coaching field?”

I looked around the room. Other than my wife, everyone there had successful careers in the coaching field. They were good at what they did. Still, I didn’t want to risk offending anyone with my answer. So, I said something like this: “Well, there are good coaches and not-so-good coaches…” In short, I gave the “safe” answer.

The three coaches sitting opposite me glanced at each other, looked back at me, and almost simultaneously said: “We call B.S.” My friend reminded me that the game was called truth or dare – or, in this case, simply ‘truth.’

I sighed. I paused. And then I launched into a tirade that would have made Andrew Dyce Clay proud.

I said I thought a lot of coaches were full of crap. I said it’s absolutely criminal what some of these people charge, promising to change your life with their supposed ‘expert advice.’ I said the field is full of dishonesty. I told the story of a time I went to the conference of a high-profile coach, who was offering a six-figure (yes, six figure) group coaching program with the stipulation that ‘you need to say yes by tomorrow morning or you’re out.’

I remember thinking at the time: I never want to be that person.

After a few more minutes – and more than a few colourful adjectives – I ended my rant. The room was quiet for a moment, and then, to my surprise, my friends said: “Thank you.”

“That’s what we thought. We just wanted an honest answer,” one of them added.

The funny thing is, I now proudly call myself a coach. I have the privilege of working with people that I like to call ‘entrepreneurial all stars’ – people who had the courage to start their own business, to fall down and get back up, and to ask for help when they couldn’t seem to get to the next level without being ‘on’ 24/7.

I now LOVE being a coach.

So, what happened to that guy from 10 years ago, the one ranting and raving among friends in that condo in the southern U.S.? Well, he learned how to distinguish a bad coach from a good one – and made it his mission to always emulate the latter. Here are some of the things I’ve learned in the last decade:

1)?????Coaching is about your client’s future, not yours. Coaching about moving your client closer to their future vision, not about puffing yourself up. While watching the Olympics this past month, I lost count of how many times these amazing athletes, in their moments of glory, thanked their coaches; shouted out the people who helped get them to the top. And this is true of high performers in all fields. I work with all stars that only get to that level because they’re open to having people coach them. And yet, in that moment of glory, the glory belongs to them. This should never be forgotten. A good coach is always and 100 percent a champion of their client.

2)?????Focus is key. Good coaching is perhaps more about helping people learn how to focus than anything else. Anyone who strives to be an exceptional world class leader needs to be able to focus. We live in a distracted world, on in which so many things are striving to get our attention all day long. To live with focus sets you apart from the crowd. And that’s where I can help. One of the biggest things I do as a business coach is help people focus on what matters. Whenever I start working with a new leader, one of the first things I often ask is: “Can I look at your schedule?” My next question, more often than not, is: “Where is the ‘thinking time ‘for building your future company? Let’s get it in there.”

3)?????It’s all about mindset and habits. If you want to create lasting change in any area of your life, you have to look at what you’re doing and thinking about every day. This involves digging way deeper than the surface. All change is created by changing our mindset and creating habits to support us.

4)?????Coaching is very personal. A great coach-client relationship is no different than any other meaningful relationship in your life. You have to find someone who, for you, is the perfect fit. I readily admit I’m not the coach for everybody, and no coach is. That’s why I moved to a referral- and invite-only model, because there are good fits and not-so-good fits, and I only say yes when it’s a great fit for both of us.

Finally, perhaps it goes without saying, but at no point do any of the above points involve any variation of the words: “You need to sign up by tomorrow morning or else.”

I like to think the ‘Old Shawn’ would be proud.

Shawn Shepheard is an executive coach, business strategist and keynote speaker. He loves coaching business owners, or people that act like owners, and provides them with clarity, focus and accountability that leads them to new opportunities, income and more time off.

To inquire about his group coaching programs, executive retreats, and keynote speaking, please visit shawnshepheard.com