Not Coachable

Every so often I’ll be asked if I’m willing to coach a leader who has been deemed “not coachable” by their organization. The backstory is often the same - the leader has been given feedback but still nothing changes.

Without being provided any additional information, I can predict (with a fair degree of certainty) that one of three possible reasons has caused them to arrive at this unfortunate conclusion:

1.?The feedback was never actually delivered.

I once had a boss who used my entire performance review meeting to talk about his watch - he was that uncomfortable giving feedback. So, as far as I was concerned, everything I was doing was A-OK (it wasn’t). When feedback delivery is evaded, the intended recipient will continue to rely on default habits and learned behaviors, inadvertently exacerbating a situation that already needs to change.

2.?The feedback was delivered, but not understood or accepted.

Telling someone what they “should” or “must” do only works if the request is clear and, more importantly, it aligns exactly with how they see the world and their place in it. This is rarely the case. If you are a parent, you need only consider the effectiveness of the “.... because I said so!” rationale for issuing a directive. To enable acceptance of feedback it’s better to use dialogue, not monologue, to ensure that what’s being shared is clearly understood and connects to something the other person (and the organization) genuinely cares about.

3. The feedback was delivered, understood, and accepted, but the desired behavior change was not clearly articulated.

I call this the “how will we know?” question. For example, if the behavior change is to “complete timecards on time” it’s fairly easy to craft a goal that is both outcome and values-oriented: “Submit timecards every Friday by 5 pm so that we can invoice our clients and realize revenue in a timely manner.” When the behavior change is a bit higher-stakes, such as “improve your relationship with our clients,” it’s even more important that everyone knows what that actually looks like and why it matters.

So, back to the “coachable” question. Everyone is coachable if they (a) are curious and (b) show up to do the work. Someone may well be “not coachable” if they refuse to engage in the process of learning about themselves or are unwilling to actively experiment with change. This assessment, however, can only be made once feedback has been delivered and understood, and the desired behavior changes have been clearly articulated and agreed upon.

What would be possible if effective feedback happened routinely within your organization? What would be possible if you could use feedback to guide the growth of your top talent by addressing issues before they become problematic and someone’s exit is at risk? Share your thoughts in the comments or send me a note if you'd like to explore.

This content was originally published in my bi-monthly essay. You can subscribe here – always 500 words or less, I promise.