THE COACH: Will you please calm down?

“I want to destroy everything that is around me and every person who is hurting me. That is how I feel today. If only I had a superpower, I would be going on a destruction model and will not leave a single person breathing.

Such is the wrath that is in my head today. Because I feel frustrated. I am frustrated with everything that is happening around me. I am frustrated with every person talking to me. And I am also frustrated with my incapacities. I am frustrated because I am unable to sustain myself. I am frustrated because I am unable to gain friendships. I am frustrated because love is nowhere to be seen.

I am frustrated because everyone around me has the guts to disrespect me and says that I deserve it”, she pulled the socket so hard while taking off the plug from it that it almost broke.

“Will you please calm down?” said the Coach

“How can I calm down?” replied Anaya, gasping for breathing, and fell flat on the sofa. She covered her face with her open palms.

“Problems are a part of life”, continued the coach

“Life?” she jumped on the sofa, “Where is life?”

“First thing you need to understand Anaya that your life problems are not the concerns of this world”, he said in a firm tone.

“Yes, exactly, it is not and that is frustrating”, said Anaya picking up the pencil kept on the table. She scanned it briefly and then pulled both its ends down, giving enough pressure to break it into two halves. And she smiled as if it was not the pencil that was broken but her problem. She imagined a human body between her fingers while breaking it.

“Frustration is natural but it never leads you to a solution”, said the Coach

“Then what does?” She said loudly, looking straight at the coach. In his eyes, she could see pity for her but his voice gave a hint of agitation when he continued.

“I understand what you are going through is tough but tough times last only for a while..." He wanted to say more but was suddenly interrupted.

“Only for a while? You mean 1 year 2 year..3…4…10. or might be 20. I feel like I am in a vanvas”, She said with eyes blooded by anger.

“So, what do you want to do?” He asked her the same question that he had been asking earlier but this time, he was calmer in his countenance.

“If I knew”, She replied with a frown on her face.

“What do you do when you do not know what to do?” said the coach

“If I don’t know then what the hell can I do besides doing nothing”, she said, her frown grew more pressed on her face and now, it looked like her anger was directed at him. She respected her and trusted him for always helped her find solutions but this time, she was not in her right state of mind and was scared that if he could not calm her, she would end up hurting him who has so far been the only bright light in her life.

“Then, do nothing for a while. Do nothing. Think nothing. Plan nothing. Watch nothing. See nothing. Talk to no one. Freeze yourself in time” he gave a plain instruction with no emotion in his voice as if it was a logical solution that he had offered.

“In other words, you are asking me to calm down” She felt a bit relaxed now.

“I am asking you to not be you. I am asking you to be nothing. Release your existence on this earth. Be nothing for a while” He explained.

“What kind of a solution is this? If I do nothing, nothing will change” She resisted.

“You have done a hundred things already and nothing changed then what is the harm in not trying just for this once?”, He asked bending a little towards her.

“You are right, I have done enough harm, the world has literally destroyed me so there is nothing to lose in losing myself,” She said, pushing her head back on the sofa.

“Lose yourself. Release yourself”, he said again

“Are you asking me to try meditation or mindfulness?”, she said giving him a side glance

“I want you to keep quiet, not just physically but also mentally. For the next 20 minutes, you will not say anything, you will not think anything”, He gave her one firm and strict look.

“I can only do it while sleeping,” She said in a low voice

“Then, close your eyes and sleep”, He said and turned to his book that was still in his hand but not yet opened. He flipped it open and started reading.

“I have no idea how this is going to help” her words were ignored by him and this left her no choice but to keep her mouth shut. She let her boy lose on the sofa, tilted her head on the backrest, and closed her eyes.

It was easier to keep your calm externally but internally, this would not help as flashes of thoughts and her experiences would keep emerging and they were disturbing enough for her to lose her calm but since she was asked to continue like this for 20 minutes, she let the thoughts pass. Just like her coach was ignoring the words she blurted, she decided to do the same with her mind. But this was not really relaxing as she had expected but instead, she felt pain on the back left side of her head. It appeared like her head was like a big four-walled room and in one corner was blowing fire. The flashes of this fire also reached her ear turning it hot. On the right side of her neck, she felt a sprain. She felt like every negative thought she was feeling so far was culminating in her head and in her body in the form of pain. The pain of frustration she felt was no longer only mental but it was physical and it was spreading. From the head, it floated like a ghost and came to the left side of her neck and then shoulder and then, her back. The pain was no more shrined to one place but was also felt in her heart that felt a burning sensation. Her feet started to tingle as if a dozen pins were piercing them.

While all other thoughts were gone by then, her mind got fixed on one thought. “This is hurting me in every way.” And then she began to feel the heat in the entire skin and a rush of adrenaline was felt asking every ounce of her being to get up and blast out.

“Whatever thought is in your mind right now. Replace it with this “A light is glowing in my heart and it is growing. This will heal me. This will heal every part of my body. This will heal my mind. This will heal my thoughts. This will heal me. Repeat it after putting your hand on your heart,” Came the voice of the coach and she did as she was told.

“Give it a direction. Let the light move to every area that is giving you pain and when it will reach the area, it will act like am emollient, healing the part,” He continued.

“Keep going until every little pain is gone,” He said and went silent.

She did not realize when those 20 minutes passed but she was in the trance for long enough to realize that she had to first stop hurting and only then she could feel light enough to think beyond. The same feet that were burning earlier now felt light, so light that she felt she could fly. The pain was gone and so were the dreadful thoughts.

She turned to the coach and said, “I still do not have a solution”

“You don’t need one right now. You just need to stop hurting. We will talk about the solution later. For now, just accept yourself and love yourself. Say it!” He said smiling.

“I LOVE MYSELF”, she said putting her hand on her heart.

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