"Coach, why is my child riding the bench?"

"The greatest motivator in the world is your (fanny) on the bench." - Bob Knight

Sit in the stands and listen closely. Better yet, simply observe. Do you see a parent whose face is as red as a radish? Is that same person now pacing back-and-forth behind the bleachers? "Why the rage?" you ask yourself. More often than not the usually silent implosion, or even the I-can't-take-it-anymore-and-I-am-going-to-explode micro burst, is about playing time, or the lack thereof.

Parents don't pay for their children to participate in youth athletics to watch them rot on the bench. Every mom or dad wants his or her child to play. But, when your child or grandchild doesn't play as much as you'd like, (or as much as you think he or she should) it can be frustrating and ego-deflating. It can also turn normally rational people into madmen.

In today's ProScoutSports LLC (www.proscoutsports.com) blog, we'll take a look at the issue of playing time from the perspective of a coach and how parents may deal with this issue. Later in the week, we'll explore it from the perspective of the parents, and we'll provide some advice to coaches.

It isn't always about politics?

Politics. Politics. Politics.

Other than scholarships, it may be the most oft-used word in the language of youth sports today. If a child isn't playing as much as a parent thinks, or is playing the "wrong" position, it's always always about "politics."

How often do you hear (or say) the following?:

"The coach doesn't like my daughter."

"Jimmy's dad is friends with the coach."

"Tommy's dad is the club president."

Or, "The coach's son always gets to face off (or play shortstop, or play point guard, or pitch)."

While it may be hard for a parent to hear, maybe the coach doesn't like your son or daughter. Let me repeat: Maybe the coach doesn't like your son or daughter.

What? Everyone likes MY daughter.

Maybe, just maybe, the coach doesn't even like you. What? Everyone likes...ME!

Yes, it's true. Coaches don't always have great fondness for all of their players, nor the parents of all their players. However, I contend most of those cases are rare. I will also argue that at times coaches can really like a player more than their ability warrants. This can be for a variety of different reasons, and it isn't always a conscious decision.

Most coaches do want their players to develop, and they do want to win games, so usually there is not a personal agenda involved in decisions made about playing time. More often than not, if your child is truly one of the top players, he or she will play.

Most coaches, especially at 12-years-and-older, will put players in the game who they feel provides their team with the best possible opportunity to win the game.

If you aren't at every practice you don't see what coaches see every single day

One thing that all parents should remember, especially at older ages when you may not be at all of your child's practices, is that the coaching staff watches your child perform much more often than you do.

They have seen Joey dog it on the last sprint. They've watched Stephanie get mouthy with her assistant coach. They've watched Tiffany miss 32 free throws in a row, even though she miraculously made one in her last game. While performance in games is a necessary measuring stick, so is performance at practice.

Also, if you do attend practice from time-to-time, your child's effort may leave with you when you walk out the door."Ahhh, dad's gone. It's time to relax," has passed through more than a few children's minds. Also, is your child always racing to the car as soon as practice is over while his or her teammates are staying after practice to get in extra work? Coaches don't tend to miss that either.

On the flip side, if your child is a consistent practice performer, most coaches will do everything in his or her power to get your child in the game. It sends a positive message to the entire team if the hardest worker receives playing time as a reward for his hard work. With that said, the player still must perform well when given the opportunity. Yes, in sports, performance does matter.

Should I talk to the coach about playing time?

I think it's perfectly acceptable for a parent to talk to a coach about playing time but there are a few caveats. First, let your child approach the coach first. In most cases, kids have a much better idea of how much they deserve to play than their own parents. Cindy knows if she's been going through the motions at practice. It's going to be much tougher for Cindy to go to the coach to talk about playing time when she knows that she doesn't necessarily deserve to play more.

Have a discussion with your child and ask him or her, "Are you playing as much as you think you should be playing?"

More often than not you will get an honest answer. If the answer is, "Yes" continue the conversation and ask, "Why do you think you deserve more playing time?" If the answer is, "I believe I'm one of the best players" press forward and ask, "Are you also one of the hardest workers?" If the answer is "yes" again, then you may wish to encourage your son or daughter to talk to the coach.

The best way for the child to approach the coach is to ask him or her what the young athlete can do to improve so that he may earn more playing time. While the response may not be what the child wants to hear, the coach will provide feedback.

Also, if your child is willing to bring up playing time with the coach, have him or do it after a practice and NOT after a game. Emotions can run high and playing time discussions are most productive when everyone is as emotionless as possible. This same rule should apply to parents. If your child has spoken to the coach and isn't making an progress, make an appointment to meet with the coach at least 24 hours after a game.

If it gets to the point that the parent must be involved, it's wise to have both the parent and child at the first meeting with the coach because the answers tend to be more forthcoming when the child has to stand in front of the coach as well.

Sometimes coaches just forget that a player is on the bench

Yes, even at the highest levels, the flow of the game can distract a coach from remembering who isn't in the game. If this happens every game it may signal a larger issue but if your child plays regularly and during one game plays quite a bit less, the coach simply may have forgotten to put your child back in the game, or the coach may have been wanting to look at some different combinations of personnel. Maybe a coach simply wants to keep the score down against an inferior opponent. Do NOT overreact.

What can you do as a parent if your child isn't playing as much as you'd like? 

If you are the parent of a child 12-years-old or under, find a league that has playing time requirements. At 12-and-under your child needs to play. If he or she needs to play in a league or team that isn't quite as competitive to earn playing time, I'd encourage you to seek out those opportunities, even if it may be a little deflating to your ego as a parent. One of the reasons why so many young people are no longer participating in athletics, or are dropping out earlier than in years past, is because children are no longer having fun playing the game. If your son or daughter is doing more sitting than playing, that lack of in-game participation will likely drive them away from the sport.

That isn't to say that riding the bench can't be helpful. It can be a great learning experience, as well as a motivator, to spend time on the bench. I hope every player experiences time on the bench, and not just because they need a rest. Young players can often learn more about the game sitting and observing from time-to-time than they can immersed in the action, but only if the young athlete stays engaged with the action even when they aren't on the field. Sitting the bench will also be helpful in preparation for higher levels of play when your son or daughter may not be seeing significant playing time. Remember, most Division I players ride the bench from time-to-time during their careers as well.

Todd Starowitz is the CEO of ProScoutSports, LLC. In his work with the NFL's Indianapolis Colts and Philadelphia Eagles, as well as at Indiana University and Tyndale House Publishers, Todd has worked with many high-profile coaches and athletes, including Tony Dungy, Bob Knight, Emmitt Smith, Cam Cameron, Drew Brees, John Harbaugh, Gene Chizik, Jim Tressel, and Joe Gibbs, among others. Todd was also a gameday statistician for the Chicago Bulls for six season. Todd played club lacrosse at Indiana University and was the head varsity softball coach at Wheaton (IL) Academy from 2009-11.