Coach Life: Lesson 2

“Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past.”
“Terrance Mann” – Field of Dreams (1989)

In my first installment, Coach Life: Lesson 1, I shared the importance of being sensitive to the learning process and nurturing relationships. Up this inning I talk about my struggle with team discipline, and how my 3 Golden Rules were born.

What did these kids need to survive my wrath? Just kidding. More important what did they need to develop a love of the game? The first few practices I noticed a pattern of not listening, lack of respect and showboating. I mean, come on kids. A single down the 3rd baseline hardly warrants a cartwheel and blowing the smoke off the end of a pretend gun. I get it…you hit the ball and I am proud of you. However in the immortal words of my old high school football coach Larry Keck, “Act like you’ve been there!” I needed to get things under control, fast.

“Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters.”
“Terrance Mann” – Field of Dreams (1989)

I contemplated hard about what it was I wanted to instill in them not just as baseball players, but as young kids learning the ins and outs of surviving childhood. Coaching kids at this age is more about winning hearts and minds than molding the next Derek Jeter. My angst stemmed from my desire to set them on a path to flourish, not just survive. How do I support them on the path to becoming confident, responsible and compassionate adults? I quickly realized that my goal is a staggering one, with most coaches simply focused on surviving the season. So over a glass of wine, or two, I created a model that would guide us as a team – the 3 Golden Rules!

As the next practice started, I asked the kids to describe what is expected of them as players. Crickets! The silence did not surprise me since before now I created most of my rules on the fly as they found new ways to defy my coaching authority. The rules astounded even me. Why was I enforcing rules such as “Don’t eat the dirt!” and “No peeing on the field!” In order to prevent further snowballing towards a total meltdown, I shared Coach Brandon's 3 Golden Rules.

1) Have Fun (playing Baseball and in life)
2) Respect (Yourself and Others)
3) Leave it on the Field (Give 110%)

First, I wanted them to enjoy playing and develop a love for baseball that would last a lifetime. I also desired to plant the seed that life is short, and you need to love what you do. Second, I wanted them to learn respect. They should not only respect their teammates, coaches and the other team, but most importantly themselves. If these kids believed in themselves and endeavored to follow their dreams, the lesson would last a lifetime. Lastly, I sought to reinforce that as their coach, I would always be proud of them if they gave it everything they had on the field. Even if we lost every game, as long as the kids gave their best effort, nothing else mattered. In truth, life is ripe with failure, but I never wanted their lack of effort to be the reason!

“The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.”
“Terence Mann” – Field of Dreams (1989)

I imparted the 3 Golden Rules to the kids, but in reality the rules were also for me. The rules reminded me to have more fun which seemed to be eluding me for some time. Sometimes life felt more like the movie Groundhog Day, and I needed to take action to inject enjoyable activities. Children are a beautiful example of how to extract the most fun out of each day. They are not yet influenced by the stresses of the world and have an innocence that one should never lose.

The 3 Golden Rules also helped me organize my thoughts on respect. For me, the difference between being respectful or respected felt blurry at times. Even though a person has not earned your respect doesn't mean that you should not be respectful. Easier said than done right? We are all in this big fish bowl together and more peace is achievable by being respectful towards one another.

Lastly, I asked myself if I left everything on the field in my own personal life. I easily identified the areas in my life I was for sure, but in other areas I held back as I discussed in Lesson 1. Watching the kid's determination was a gut check, and it made me realize I owed it to myself to do more. Much more!

Up next in my Coach Life series I will talk about how expectations can be your downfall!

Ready…Set…Live!

If you enjoyed Coach Life: Lesson 2 check out the following:

Coach Life: Lesson 1
Epic Failure: My First Lemonade Stand
Inquiring Minds Want to Know...#HowIWrite