Co-Owning Property with Adult Children: A Good Strategy for Retirement & Care Planning?

Among the family members who reach out to me as an Elder Care Mediator, some are facing conflicts about a property that parents co-own with their adult children. In some cases, the parents have helped their children to buy or add on to a home, with the vision that the parent(s) will be able to live there once they age and need care. After the parent(s) have moved in, problems can arise, because the parties didn’t make clear agreements about expectations regarding financial, co-habitation and care arrangements beforehand.

My most recent clients are facing a different challenge with property that’s co-owned by a mother and her daughter: When dad was still alive, the parents helped some of their adult children to buy property. They not only contributed to the purchase price, but shared the title and agreed to pay for half of the mortgage until the adult children would be able to buy them out. This strategy worked with their son, who after some years sold the co-owned property, paid the parents back from the proceeds of the sale and was able to make a down payment on another property with the remaining profits.

However, the adult daughter was not so lucky: A few years after regularly paying her share of the mortgage on the condo she co-owned with her parents, she lost her job and stopped making the payments. Then COVID started, making it impossible for her to find new employment. Although she since started doing contract work from home, her income is still too unpredictable to make regular mortgage payments or afford market rate rents in the Bay Area.

In the meantime, dad passed away and mom moved into a nice retirement community that she thought she could afford. After happily living there for a few years, she recently had to upgrade from independent to assisted living, significantly increasing her monthly expenses. Now she and her adult children are concerned that she’ll run out of funds and have suggested that she sell the condo that their sister is living in. While mom agrees that’s a good idea, she’s afraid what would happen to her daughter if she lost the home that her parents have been paying for.

At the advice of her financial consultant, mom reached out to me and asked me to facilitate a family meeting about her financial future. She’s concerned how her daughter may react at the news that her mom wants to sell the condo they co-own and is hoping that a professional neutral may enable the family to have a peaceful and productive meeting. After talking with mom and most of the adult children individually, I just found out that the sister living in the condo is willing to talk with me as well. I hope?that she’ll agree to participate in a facilitated family meeting, so I can help them make a plan for their future that ensures that mom has adequate care and her daughter has safe housing she can afford!

Do you have relatives, friends, colleagues, or clients who have invested in property together with their adult children, but as they are aging need the assets to pay for their own housing and care? Please, ask them to call or text me at 510-356-7830 or e-mail [email protected], so I can offer them a complimentary confidential consultation to explore how a Facilitated Family Meeting may help them maintain financial security and family peace.

Katharina W. Dress, M.A., Mediator / Facilitator / Conflict Coach

AGING IN HARMONY, Cell Phone: 510-356-7830

E-Mail: [email protected] , Web: www.aginginharmony.com

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