Co-existing with Judgment
Have you checked out the psychosynthesis coaching blog lately? The following is from guest blogger Amy Rocheleau who is currently a student in our training program at the Synthesis Center.
https://psychosynthesiscoach.org/coach_blog/
Awareness has brought so many wonderful gifts of insight and understanding with some surprising results. Gaining clarity on external and internal forces that guide us through the day can be extremely beneficial, as we come to understand that which sheds light on the path and that which darkens it. These guiding forces will differ among us, as we all have different stories and experiences, yet one common thread that binds many of us is judgment or the act or judging. The type of judgment when one places an opinion or label upon or against another or oneself.
This type of judging can often be construed as criticism and may create scenarios such as alienation, disharmony, imbalance, blame etc. If one allows it, some of the consequences of this act may include the hindrance of personal growth, creation of blocks, and creation of sub-personalities, thereby affecting relationships with others and the way one interacts with the world. This may stunt one’s self-esteem and confidence, solely based on what another may think and feel. Again, if one allows.
Judgement is based on another person’s ideas of how things should be, derived from their own life experiences, beliefs, thoughts and ideas. We are surrounded by judging minds on a daily basis, whether it be societal based judgments on how one should look and feel, one’s work performance based on boss’s expectations, peer judgment, family judgments about what you are doing right/wrong in your life or even simple comments made by the kids about the meal you prepared.
Judgment looks different and the way we hear and hold it can differ depending on many factors at that moment. How you are feeling in the moment, did you meditate and ground yourself that day, is your body nourished with food and love, are you feeling confident and secure…the list and determinants goes on.
What happens when we are feeling the stings of a judgment made to us or about us by another? If we are feeling vulnerable, this can create the space for other insecurities to arise, and the “things that are wrong with me” links begin to connect. The basement door opens and the stairs to the lower unconscious transform into a fast moving escalator. The call to the inner critic is commenced and the parade of sub-personalities come to serve it, proving the judgment statement as true and the inner chatter begins. Suddenly, the body may feel sluggish and unwell, the mind overworked and overwhelmed from the back and forth banter and the inner dwellings landscape growing dark and harsh. Suddenly, you may find yourself denying your own truth, defending against the attack or letting the sting trigger the fears of failure and unacceptance when comparing self to others. Phew, that’s exhausting!!!
Instead, what if we sit in that place of awareness, observance and just being. Asking oneself, do I need to take this on and how would it serve me if I did or didn’t? Taking the time to gain understanding about whether the statement was made to provoke. Was it constructive criticism that can be useful? Or just an opinion made by another? What would happen if you just breathed it in and breathed it out? The body, sensing the calmness, the cleansing and the healthy response rather than the harried reaction. The mind, heart and spirit uniting, creating space for clarity, forgiveness, and willingness to allow oneself to have vulnerability in the moment but not allowing it to penetrate through the depths of one’s inner self. Setting free something that may not even be yours, as when others judge, it usually comes from a place, an experience or life moment that affected them, yet has not yet been processed and binds them in their own constraints. When you find yourself sitting in judgment, tap into what you are seeking when you are in the judging mode. Pay attention to what you are really wanting or needing in that moment. What subpersonality may be making that judgment call? When in the moment, before vocalizing the thought, try both honoring it and letting it go, breathing it out, or try transforming it into something positive and vocalizing that. What a difference in thought, feeling and interactions one has when promoting the positive rather than the negative judgment. Although, this does make me think about even positive judgement. The positive is still a judgement, yet it brings forth attributes that are way more appealing. Recognizing the love and light that exists within all and that we all do the best that we can at any given time. To allow for mistakes and blunders, because we ALL make them!! The fact is, you will view others and others will notice yours, so try being gentle on yourself and others when this does happen. Recognize and live from your strengths and successes when you are feeling your weaknesses. Giving time to nurture that which may need attention and growth rather than fueling the inner critic and creating a playground for the subs. Being ourselves and showing up for ourselves, is the gift we each give to this world. When we accept ourselves, we can more freely accept others, as we are each unique with our own set of eccentricities, which makes for a very colorful playground!!