Co-Creating Well-being at Work — We All Need to Give a Sh*t We Don't Need to Love One Another

Finally, we are at a point in time where “well-being” and “work” are regularly being used in the same sentence. But something that I noticed in all the chatter around work well-being, happiness, and mental health that has bothered me is the focus tends to be more on the HOW than the WHO, but the WHO is the most significant part of the HOW. Why? Having our greatest health and happiness at work is all about having healthy human needs, and human beings are the greatest influencers of those human needs. To be honest, when I really understood the depths of this truth through our research I didn’t love it. At all. I didn’t want to surrender to how much we need one another if we want to have our best work lives and workplaces.?

For you to be well and perform well at work, you must have your vital human needs met, whether it’s the need for PURPOSE, BELONGING, AUTONOMY, SECURITY, FAIRNESS, CHALLENGE, or FUN. That’s what we found through our extensive research at Motives Met, that well-being at work is when people’s MOST important psychological, emotional and social needs, what we call motives are met. There are 28 motives we uncovered that are the foundation to thriving at work, but we all have a few of these needs that rise to the top in importance for us to be able to thrive today, while other motives will be relatively unimportant or ones we may still desire, but they aren’t a wellbeing driver. If you want to learn more about Motives Met and our wellbeing assessment tool you can read this article here. The difficulty is, the degree these motives will be honored, protected, and strengthened at work will be impacted greatly by others. Put any motive in the middle of the diagram below, like GROWTH, TRUSTWORTHY LEADERSHIP, PEER CONNECTION, or FREE EXPRESSION and you can imagine how other people will impact the degree it's met.

That’s why well-being at work is something that is co-created, it happens when individuals, work peers and leaders show up for themselves AND one another in meaningful ways to keep these motives healthy. The problem is, we don’t always show up in meaningful ways, sometimes we show up in god awful ways. As I’ve worked with many people to help create work well-being, I’ve heard what we call their “motive stories,” too many of them painful ones of how others have made motives suffer in their jobs. I have similar stories of my own, and my guess is you do too. The impact we all have on motives can be far from positive, we don’t always have compassion, respect, and support for these needs at work. Particularly some motives that may conflict with our own top motives, needs we may overlook or even judge. I will wholeheartedly own this about myself, I can look back at my younger self and cringe a bit at certain moments.?

If we want a better work world with wellbeing it’s a joint effort and shared responsibility. While I’ve heard the painful stories I’ve also heard the positive ones, the ways other people have been invaluable to their health and happiness at work. We all can be a huge asset to help elevate the motives of others, if we want to be. But for that to happen, we need to cultivate the shared mindset that when we support one another as human beings to meet human needs at work everyone wins. It’s one of our ten Work Life Well-Lived Principles we have established at Motives Met.?

It all comes down to care, and caring matters just as much for people you don’t like. Which is why we have this saying that we all need to give a shit, we don’t need to love one another. Supporting someone’s needs at work doesn’t require you to be friends, agree with or not have any problems with them. I can still have an issue with you and hold the belief that just the way I deserve well-being at work, to have my human needs be healthy, you deserve that too. This is the attitude that creates caring work cultures. Small and intentional acts of motive support can go a long way, there are many simple things we can all do at work to support the health of motives. At the very least, it’s about NOT standing in the way of a vital work need for someone else being met. It’s not being the reason that someone has ill-being at work. It’s not being the reason someone feels they can’t be themselves at work and belong (BELONGING Motive). It’s not being the teammate who gossips about everyone (PEER CONNECTION Motive). It’s not being the manager who micromanages (AUTONOMY Motive). It’s not being the co-worker who stifles someone’s passion (PASSION Motive), stunts their growth (GROWTH Motive), or adds unnecessary stress (CALMNESS Motive).?

Leaders Need to Build Shared Commitment & Responsibility?

“Individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” - Vince Lombardi

Thinking about the well-being co-creation model, if you are a leader, the degree you personally support motives and care for your employees needs in your interpersonal relationships is a main contributor to well-being. Additionally the degree you influence employees to be mindful of their own motives and team members and work peers to be intentional with motives in their work relationships and care about one another’s wellbeing, are the other main contributors. Now, you don’t have control over how employees will think, feel, and act in regards to the 28 motives BUT thankfully you have great influence.?

YOU NEED TO USE YOUR INFLUENCE IN THESE 3 WAYS

1. Establish what work well-being is.?

Lead the shared understanding & commitment to honor, protect and strengthen motives.?

For people to successfully work together towards any goal they of course need clarity on what the goal actually is. Sounds simple, but if work wellbeing is the goal, have you defined what it means? If you asked each employee would they have the same answer? Chances are, all of your employees are thinking about health and happiness at work differently. Everyone is on a different page and that’s a problem. You must create shared meaning around what work wellbeing is.?

2. Make well-being a true priority.

Set and uphold the expectation for people to care.

Set the expectation that each person is responsible for showing up in meaningful ways to support their own top motives and the motives of others, especially ones they may find less important or with people they may not have the strongest relationship with. When employees show care, notice it. Celebrate it. Reward it. And when they don’t? Don’t look the other way. The people who don’t care, the people who consistently harm motives, will turn any chance of a culture of well-being into ill-being. Hold those people accountable and if they don’t rise to the occasion then they shouldn’t be welcome in your workplace.

3. Create the conditions for people to care.

Make caring possible with timing, training, and tools.?

Humans are actually hardwired for kindness, generosity, and caring; research shows people want to help one another and that acts of kindness not only benefit the receiver but also the giver. The modern work world however, makes it tougher for our humanity to shine through. The values and virtues that tend to be stronger in our personal lives don’t show up as strongly at work because of the work world we sadly live in. When work can be busy, stressful, more isolated remotely, competitive and even cutthroat, caring for wellbeing takes a back seat for ourselves AND others. Even if we want to help, making the effort to show we care to support other people’s wellbeing isn’t something that always comes naturally in our current work reality. As a leader, that’s where you come in. When it comes to other work goals you have resources dedicated to achieving those goals, like timing, training, and tools. The goal of work well-being is no different. If your employees' schedules are jam-packed day after day they have no time to care for their needs let alone support the motives of others. You can’t expect your managers to manage with motives in mind if you don’t give them the training on how they can do that. How are you going to lead wellbeing without the tools to help you? You need to empower caring with the right resources, you can’t leave it up to chance.?

Shifting to the “WHO”

We are living in a caring drought in the work world, to change that we must shift our hearts and minds to the WHO not just the HOW. If you want to be happier and more fulfilled at work, don’t just focus on how to achieve that, but who are the people you need support from? Who are the types of people you want to surround yourself with in your work life? Who are the kinds of leaders you want to work for? You will also get back what you put into the world, are you showing up as an ally for the 28 needs that drive well-being? If you are a leader, are you using your influence to make a real impact? We must commit to showing up in our work lives and workplaces in ways that meet motives. When we do, it creates a ripple effect that makes a better collective work world possible.?

WORK LIFE WELL-LIVED BOOK CLUB ????

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY PLAYBOOK - This is one of my favorite books on psychological safety to date! Minette Norman and Karolin Helbig divide their playbook into five major plays that provide real-world examples and actionable steps to help leaders and teams foster an environment of trust, open communication, and collaboration.

THE SONG OF SIGNIFICANCE: A NEW MANIFESTO FOR TEAMS - In his brand new book released a few days ago, Seth Godin shares the soulful vision of what work and leadership can and should be. I have just started diving in and it's great so far!

10X IS EASIER THAN 2X: HOW WORLD CLASS ENTREPRENEURS ACHIEVE MORE BY DOING LESS - I love all of Benjamin Hardy, PhD 's books and this one did not disappoint. I wrote about 6 awesome takeaways from one of Ben's other books Be Your Future Self Now in my newsletter here.

REMOTE FOR LIFE: HOW TO FIND A FLEXIBLE JOB AND FAST FORWARD TO FREEDOM - I just finished this book packed with great insights from Jordan Carroll on the changing landscape of the remote work revolution and how to be successful in building a remote work life you love.

WISE WORDS & SHAREWORTHY INSIGHTS ????

• I had the privilege of hearing Claude Silver , Chief Heart Officer at Vayner Media who Gary Vee refers to as the MOST important person in his organization, speak at the Workhuman conference and she was even more awesome in person! I appreciated her short and sweet episode from her Emotional Optimism Podcast, You Carry Your Culture With You.
• Zach Mercurio, Ph.D. on the importance of brave leaders who stay if we want to change toxic workplaces. Kelly Greenwood 's article, Leaders Go First, about leading the mental health narrative at work. Trista Taylor great tips and best practices for hybrid meetings, wish I had known some of these a year ago when I led a hybrid meeting that didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped!

LATEST PODCAST EPISODES ?? ?

Aoife O'Brien and I could have talked for hours about all things work wellbeing. In this episode of the Happier At Work Podcast we dive into the importance of having the "Motives Mindset" and our non-B.S. approach to creating a culture of wellbeing.

Mike Petrusky and I chat about the challenges facing leaders today as they navigate the tension between meeting the needs of employees, teams and the broader culture on the Workplace Innovator Podcast.