C'mon, November 12th!

This is always my favorite day of the year. Tonya Harding's birthday.

Maybe I'll go to the club to celebrate.

Yikes. Tough crowd.

Anyway...today we're gonna give some love to a few countries that don't normally dot the headlines.

You ready? You with me?

Sure you are. It's either this or go back to work.

1) We're gonna kick this off with a story out of Kyrgyzstan.

First thing's first - plucky?

There are many words that come to mind when I think of the Kyrgyz election commission...

Radiant. Dashing. Breathtaking. Lustrous. Incandescent.

But plucky?

Like a lifetime of chain-smoking and trips to Whataburger...it simply doesn't do the body justice.

And why would they want to disqualify a political heavyweight? Seems to me that a country still reeling from the Tokmok Ferris Wheel incident of '93 would need all the big guns they can get.

I'll save you the Google search. Here's the wheel.

And that summer, a portly kid named Aijamal ate too many Tarhana chips, boarded the wheel, and, well, you know how this story ends.

The invasion of Kublai Khan was less traumatic in this part of the world. Aijamal was subsequently exiled, but rumor has it he's running a successful car wash in Akron these days and goes by the name, "A. Diddy".

2) Our next piece of news comes from the great land of Suriname.

I've gotta tell ya - this is encouraging to see.

Very few things keep me up at night, but the security architecture of Northeast South America is chief amongst them.

This visit will cement ties between Suriname and Guyana, two countries reeling from frat boys who have one too many in Barbados, wash up on their shores, and demand 5-star treatment by the rescuing authorities, lest they call their father who's a high-powered attorney in Connecticut.

Enough is enough. And this is the first step towards securing their shared coastline against further incursions by Chad and Blake.

The two nations also discussed an infrastructure project to shore up the Jules Wijdenbosch Bridge in Suriname.

This bridge has a 4.1 rating on Google.

It's fine for a restaurant to have a 4.1 rating. Or a nail salon. Or an oxygen bar in Vegas.

But a bridge? Yeah. I'll be renting a pontoon boat on my next trip to Suriname.

3) Next, we move onto the land of Luxembourg...

This the moment when the Dutch go, "Wait - it's illegal in Holland? My entire life has been a lie."

And this is also REALLY good news for the Luxembourgish (sp?) town of Beaufort.

As you can see above, the entire town's economy is based on a Youth Hostel and a Medieval Castle. And it had a good run.

It even made the top-10 in "Best places to retire" and "Best place to find down-home barbecue" in last year's edition of Eastern Luxembourg Living.

But at some point, milking drunk, hostel-dwelling Aussies for Castle admission fees dries up, and you need to diversify.

They tried luring a Semiconductor plant. No dice.

Then BMW turned them down. Followed by Saturn. Which makes sense because Saturn's been out of business for 20 years.

But now, they're poised to be the munchie-fueling, profound-vision-having capital of Europe.

This will bring in a lot of money. But...it will also bring in a lot of British holiday-goers.

Luxembourg...

4) We now move onto news from The Gambia...yes...THE Gambia, like THE Ohio State University. The Gambia also owns Michigan on the football field.

This brings a smile to my heart and a song to my soul.

President Adama Barrow is, first and foremost, a man who wears exemplary headgear. This follows in the footsteps of my other heroes, Clint Eastwood...

And King Jaffe Joffer of Zamunda...

Headgear aside, President Barrow cut his chops working as a security guard in London and returned home to help his native land accomplish great things on the world stage. And he was rewarded with a kick-ass inauguration in 2017:

This inauguration was a lot like an Irish wake if you look closely.

It featured a crowd of serious men looking for someone to fight, and a aggressive red-headed woman trying to keep things from spiraling out of control.

Good luck, Mr. President. Win that office. Beat Michigan.

5) Finally, we go to my favorite place in the South Pacific, Vanuatu (deal with it, Fiji)...where things are about to start popping off...

Uh oh.

The last thing we need is a row between Vanuatu and France. This is a mismatch that will only end badly.

For the French.

Macron better get on the horn and apologize ASAP, or the Eiffel Tower will soon be replaced with a 1,000-foot tiki carving.

That would actually be amazing. I'm here for it.

I'll even host Macron on my couch while the Vichy Vanuatu government builds this thing.

What a week. What a world.

Keep livin'. Keep laughin'. Keep learnin'.

Love you magnificent people to pieces.

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Geoff Woliner, CEO of Winning Wit, is a?speaker?&?author?who helps organizations?de-stress through comedy.

If your colleagues have been super-stressed over the past few years and need a few laughs at your next conference, holiday party, team-building pow-wow or trip to Mickey D's...

...go to a medium and channel the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield.

But if he's busy, let's chat.

[email protected]