Closure - The window to the next opening

When someone said, “You need a closure”. I was perplexed. This wasn’t a known formula back then. No one knew what it meant, not even the one who so pompously suggested it! 

Bewildered and bugged, I sought assistance from Google to know what it meant.

 As per the dictionary meaning, Closure is “Often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. Something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense.” And, expanding on the definition, 

Finality means “The character or condition of being final, settled, irrevocable, or complete.”

Further search brought me to the social psychologist Arie Kruglanski who coined the phrase â€œneed for closure” in the 1990s, referring to a framework for decision making that aims to find an answer on a given topic that will alleviate confusion and ambiguity. 

Coming to myself, time-tested formula of patience seemed to have expired as each passing day only added to my discomfort. And then it dawned on me that I wanted answers to my questions and mere acceptance was not enough. I realised, I had the right to KNOW. I realised, I needed a healing touch. And, this concoction of ANSWERS which HEAL is actually CLOSURE. 

Why is ‘Closure’ important? It is important for self-regulation.

Have you ever felt the need of just calling up someone and having a conversation regarding your last misunderstanding? Have you ever felt the need to just go to your boss and tell him that you were not wrong? That feeling when you are sitting in the aircraft and want to shout that you are sorry for so many things?

 This sounds awfully similar. Doesn’t it? But, the worst part is that it makes you feel helpless, suffocated and completely robs you of your right to find out why you have been either neglected, dumped, or you just realised that you were wrong, or you wanted to tell your boss that he/she was not fair, so that you can get some closure and move on. 

The story just begins here. â€œLiving with regrets is easy. The difficult part is dying” 

When we seek closure, we are looking for answers as to the cause in order to resolve the uncomfortable feelings it has created. In doing this, we appear to form a mental puzzle of what happened, examining each piece and its relationship to the overall puzzle. And, solving it is complex.

When people most need closure it is usually because the termination of the event is significant to them, holding particular value and meaning, having answers helps us learn something about the behaviour of ourselves and others. It is imperative to do some self-analysis for ‘Closure’ to work. 

Firstly, when we need to have a clear idea of the “not acceptable” and “acceptable” list. Where and on what will we absolutely not compromise? When we know what values  are most important to oneself, the plan becomes easy. If one is aware, then probably one won't have to think twice when one faces moral or ethical dilemmas â€“ one is equipped to make  the right choice.

When one knows that something has gone wrong and you admit the same without that denial of responsibility, one probably sleeps well at night. Practicing being calm after a closure is an art not many have mastered. 

I don’t believe there is one easy way to find closure, as everyone’s perspective is different. You need to look for it on your own, but you will feel it once you find it. It’s what we call a gut feeling, a hunch or maybe sixth sense. Something inside you tells you. Some find closure through themselves, and some find it by asking the other the questions that need to be asked.

 Psychologists have also found that people who are consistently able to find closure usually have value systems that can easily incorporate answers to validate their world view. A religious ideology, for example, explains many questions as â€œGod’s will", with no further explanation necessary. 

Ultimately, closure is a complicated cognitive process and the key is learning to live with the ambiguity when it cannot be achieved. Sometimes, things go wrong and although it does not feel fair, and it is very hurtful, life goes on. Terms and Conditions apply.

Closure is achieved when we are satisfied and are left with no unanswered questions. In short, it’s a Closure when we are ready to move on.