A closer look at the 3F that can steal the joy from Christmas

I guess on some level most people suffer from what we clinically might call "holiday sadness or even depression.” There are many facets to the despair that some people experience around this time of the year. It confronts us from three different directions, the past, the present, and the future.

When it is the past, it is a retrospective look at what was and, what is not now. When it involves the present it often reflects an evaluation of the current situation where a person feels powerless. When it is the future it may revolve around our inability to successfully address issues in the "here and now."

What exacerbates the situation is the fact that it is a time of year when one of the main psychological tools for managing crisis is most apparent and at the same time most elusive or even denied.

It's difficult to get away from the songs, happily smiling television images painting pictures of times and places where families are together and enjoy the love and meaning of contact and happiness. Unfortunately, for many people in some circumstances in which they may find themselves, there is a solid base for that sadness and/or depression. Usually, it focuses on Family, Friends, and Finance. When it is friends usually involves feelings around a family that are no longer there to be with and share at those times we may feel regret and loss again even dominate the day our thinking regarding here now versus there and then.

What does not help is all the phony smiles and laughter that are as illusional and transitory. Some of the “warmth" shared with strangers offers a quick smile as they go forward busy and thinking about their own personal confrontation with Christmas. Everybody will tell you if you tune into the radio or television, it is a time to be happy, thankful, and loving. It is a time to share love and happiness with all those around you. Unfortunately, merchants need to be paid, debts cannot be denied, and responsibilities ultimately cannot be shirked.

Christmas is a confrontation with our wishes, hopes, and primacies made to others and of course, to ourselves. Is there a way to avoid these annual phenomena?

If there is it doesn't start in December. Holiday depression is an annual event predicated on too much and too little.

When holiday depression is too much it is based upon denial distortion and projection. When denial is a critical factor it begins with the emotional closing of your eyes to the things that are really going on around you that one cannot emotionally afford to see and confront at the moment. It is based on pushing reality away in such a way that the pain of the moment is pushed away from the present moment. Unfortunately, by definition that can only last so long. "The truth will out,” said Shakespeare in the Merchant of Venice, Act 2 Scene 2.?

So much of my professional life has been decoding the skill and mystery of denial. At Christmas time when we are reminded of who is there and should not be there and who is not there and who should be there, these thoughts and ideas may occupy our minds. Just reflect for a moment on how many people you see at Christmas. ?

I've spent so many times and so many hours in my clinical practice helping people adjust their there and then to here and now. If you boil that down it is simply a matter of re-symbolization of our perception and living in the here and now. Can it all be that simple? The answer is yes. Unfortunately yes is not simple! It is a decision, a direction, and, an action. We can overcome holiday depression by NOT inviting those whom I call “mis-emotions" into the new year with the same old nonproductive decisions. We all know if we're honest with ourselves, what we need to do, should, and ultimately, must do to better our life.

My wish is my maxim and goal; Be open, be honest, be loving and be Free and let NO person transgress with impunity.

?12/15/2022 Goodfield Institute LLC