A Closed Path

Whenever an idea originates within my head, I immediately think about the long-term ramifications. The potential and eventual payoff if things go right; the downside and hardships if they do not. The time that will go into making the project successful and the sacrifice of withholding activities I would prefer to do with my loved ones.

Ultimately, the reward down the line is what inspires me. The possibilities if only this works out. How it would change things for not only myself, but also for my family and the causes I truly care about. This may sound cliché, but I'm going to say it anyways because it's true: I'd do a lot of good with my resources. I'd allocate funds towards stopping animal cruelty. I'd help those around me struggling with stress-inducing financial complications. I'd use it to help bring an overhaul to our educational systems. I'd use it to fight for those who were unable to fight for themselves. Easier said than done, but honestly, those would be my priorities. They're all channels to fund a more purposeful and meaningful life.

With those goals and ambitions in mind, it is beyond deflating to see it all come crashing down to the ground. All is still not lost, but every failure of an idea, a business or side-project does tend to take a bit of wind out of my sails.

My dreams seem to get more distant and unrealistic as failure sets in. Time after time, I have brushed them off. Sure, they set me back financially and unnecessarily drain my time, but I still am alive. I have more chances to try. Another approach might do the trick. The amount learned through the process is invaluable.

This time seems different. Maybe because I was finally a part of a team. I had other relying on me for success. It just wasn't mean to be. Too much competition. Cost of goods were too high; profits were too low. Although I did all I could to keep it afloat, I knew that it was a lost cause about a year into the business.

We had sales, clientele and potential for growth. We also had debt, losses and uphill battle that wasn't winnable. I always thought working on a business project with a team would be easier! Then you equate in the factor that any change you want to implement, needs team approval. It also requires buy-in from all team members or the project just gets put on the backburner--left to die.

I hung on too long. Scared to get rid of all the goods I created. Knowing how much I invested in terms of time, money, and pain-- I avoided the inevitable for as long as possible. I literally nearly sliced my finger off for this business. I really didn't want it to die.

The realization that it is over, hurts. Cleaning out my supplies, trashing unsold merchandise, and cutting ties with all associated business accounts is not easy. Until you admit failure, there's still hope, right? But once you take a project out back and shoot it, it's over. There's no going back. As much as it needed to happen, it still pains me to think back to my mindset when it first began.

How I was so certain it would be a success. How I didn't need anyone else to help, because I was good enough to make it happen. How I could burn bridges because it really didn't matter-- I was going to make it. Or so I thought.

Going through my business repertoire, there are other things that either need to be set free. I need to stop being delusional in thinking something I started years ago is just going to magically take off. I either needs to step up and put forth an abundance of time and effort into something, or I should just forget about it.

This brings me back to a conversation I had with a colleague a month ago. She asked me about my hobbies and what I like to do in my spare time. As you know, I do like to write. It is freeing to me. It's something I do for fun without any thought that it may lead anywhere.

But what if it did? What if I was killing my writing streak because I was holding onto other projects that were DOA? What the hell am I afraid of? Putting my work out in the public? For it to be ridiculed and picked apart? Well, I have already taken my fair share of heat on LinkedIn, so I am over that! Am I worried that it may fail? Maybe so. But I know for certain that if I don't put it as a priority, it is sure to fail. So why am I not committed to getting my work out there? Those questions will subside once I come to the realization that it will either sink or swim. The idea and the hope that one day it may turn into something fantastic is still there. But once the ink dries, and my work is out there for others to see, there's no turning back. It is what it is at that point.

Back in 2010, I started work on a children's book series. Yes, nearly a decade ago... I still want to complete it to this day. Scratch that--- I still AM going to complete it! I just needed the nudge to know that people would care. The assurance that the audience is there and that my work might be viewed as adequate. I needed time for that to seep in. I needed that conversation to remind me of what I need to do in 2018. I needed my LI network to reinforce my hopes. Although I began this journey without you all, I sorely needed you to complete it.

Photo Credit: Morgan