The close links between failure and forgiveness.

Is there anyone who hasn’t been hurt by the actions or words of another?

Is there anyone who hasn’t made a decision which resulted in a regret reaction?

Many of us will have experienced something that left behind a lasting bitter taste; like lemons. Perhaps you've been criticised for being you, maybe a colleague has sabotaged a project for you or you've been cheated on in a relationship… until we really unpicked the emotions related to these situations, we may never recognised the impact.

I accepted a challenge by a fellow coach to write a letter to myself. The letter detailed feelings towards past situations which I had been carrying around with me for years. Situation that created a lack of confidence, the feeling of being overlooked and useless. All those experiences once upon a time, contributed to a feeling of lack and started the process of understanding that “I am enough”.

The writing process of this letter helped me to appreciate those experiences and find acceptance for them; there was so much learning within that I didn't process until I wrote the letter. Those complicated emotions need dumping and with that my mind instantly forgot the noise. Emotional memories that had once eaten me up inside, faded. The specifics no longer take up space in my head; writing was a physical release of emotion. However, one thing it didn’t do at the time was forgive. How easily do you forgive others?

Letting go of thoughts, resentment, bitterness & anger, and the need for retribution toward people we believe have wronged us, is called forgiveness; this includes ourselves. In psychology we share that "...forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings, regardless of whether the people being offered forgiveness actually deserve it" It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing such behaviors. However as I have learnt, if we don’t actively practice forgiving ourselves, we might be the one who pays the bigger price. Embracing self forgiveness can offer a feeling of mental peace, hope, gratitude and bring more joy in life; it allows us to consider how forgiving can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Failure is my biggest fear.

I think the majority of us feel the same. But failure is all dependent on the expectations we set for ourselves. Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love or trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion... it builds a sense of fear. For me, I had accepted some experiences as personal failure; even if it was not created by me. This was a historical trigger. I had built a mental pathway that I needed to get rid of. For over 20 years I dwelled on those hurtful events or situations, built grudges and hostility took root. I had allowed negative feelings to crowd the positive possibilities and found myself swallowed up by my own bitterness or sense of injustice. After accessing therapy for myself back then, I learnt and realised I had to forgive. I had to accept those moments of hurt; they were not my fault. I had to forgive the people involved and then forgive myself for my reaction or feelings, they were valid at the time. This was very hard.

As my journey of self discovery has evolved, I have learnt the importance of brain retraining (rewiring sounds too mental). Through emotional and traumatic experiences, we all build neurological pathways that impact our train of thought. Through self development, you can change the narrative. I needed to change my mindset pathways because I learnt the value of forgiveness; how it could improve my life, identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven & for what. By letting go of the emotion, the grudges that no longer define my life, you can find compassion and understanding for your experience. Reconnecting with myself mentally was my biggest investment. To make full use of my potential, I embarked on lasting change; accepting the journey, which includes my weaknesses. It's important to understand yourself; your reactions, your triggers, why you feel the way you do and learn to love yourself again because "I am enough"

Forgiving yourself is hard and a totally different process to forgiving others. Forgiving yourself is a commitment. Some people are naturally channeled in this way but almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving towards themselves. It’s about more than just putting the past behind you. It is about accepting what has happened and showing compassion to yourself; for every bad decisions, every mistake, for poor judgement, for disappointing people & for any hurt you’ve caused to others; let go of all the shame; To feel better in ourselves & move forward in life with no regrets, we have to trust the process.

Have a good week x