Clearing the Clutter

Until this point in my recovery journey, I thought it was just good enough to stay clean and sober, and to keep doing the next right thing. But really it has been a path of rebuilding. And to rebuild, you must first release. Right after rehab and earlier in my recovery I just jumped right back into life and I was so focused on getting right back to my pre-recovery life just without the substances, that I didn't realize I was still carrying around a lot of clutter - physically and mentally.

What I now realize is that there was a lot of cleaning and clearing that I needed to do in order to find the mental clarity I really need. I initially focused on the material things and the game stoppers but I built up so much clutter and chaos that I never even realized was there.?

It is just now that I am truly clearing the clutter and letting go of control and letting life happen on life's terms.?

After getting a few months under my belt I just wanted to tackle the world and I was trying to do too much too fast. I talk about this more in my last post but I lost focus and stopped actively practicing all the tools that I continue to learn and gain from recovery - Easy Does It; Boundaries; Recovery Comes Before All Else, etc.

I know I'm never going back to that life so I wanted to get back to my old self, the Gina I was before I spiraled...and I bit off more than I could chew.

Fortunately I recognized these old behaviors creeping in and interrupted the insanity before it interrupted me. But last week I had a little "ah ha" moment that?CLEARING THE CLUTTER?is just the next step on this recovery journey of mine.?

One of my defective characters that likes to take center stage is the one who likes to procrastinate, put things off and let things build until it really is clutter. Paper clutter, mind clutter, life clutter.?

Now that I've been working hard to clear the clutter, it feels like everything is starting to click. I am feeling more connected to my Higher Power and this path laid out for me every single day.?

The morning of this realization I woke up tired and didn't want to go to yoga so I kind of laid around, took care of a few little easy things and went to Barnes & Noble to just get organized. I bought a great new planner, which is going to be a game changer for me in preventing the clutter from consuming me and creating chaos.?

Going through all the random notes I have, my notebooks with just a bunch of to-dos and insightful gems if wisdom written down everywhere with no sense of organization or anything really, made me realize that this change of seasons is time for me to?CLEAR THE CLUTTER,?a necessary step to really dive into what I know I am being called to focus on.?

Sometimes we really do just need a little rest to find the clarity we need. Once we clear this clutter and chaos it opens us up to life's many miracles.

Sometimes we just need to believe, just believe it will all be okay in the end. Just believe and know that I am never truly alone and there is a power much greater than me with HIS hand on me, guiding my way. But this is hard to do when life still feels chaotic and full of clutter.

It's up to me to do the hard work - face my demons, identify and work on my character defects and clear this clutter that creates chaos in my life. Its up to me to do the hard work, and man it can be really hard sometimes. To open the door. To do the right thing every day and share this recovery journey I am on in the hopes that I can give hope to others.?

To get to this point, though, I needed to?CLEAR THE CLUTTER. Stop letting the small things build until they become big things, and this isn't just physical things, I'm talking mental too.

I decided that it was okay to live in how I'm feeling. Feelings are such a wonderful thing these days now that my entire being is not cluttered and being numbed to avoid those feelings.?

I am not what happened to me or what I've done in the past. I am what I do with it. How I take a journey full of unfortunate circumstances, poor choices, bad behaviors, and desperation into one of truth, triumph and a new understanding about life, myself, others and so much more.?

For me, my physical space is a great representation of my mental state so getting organized and cleaning up the chaos of everything around me is exactly what I needed to clear my mind and find more clarity on my path forward, and this path that has been laid out for me.