Reflecting on the meaning of life after lockdown

• Cleanse my skin; slough off the dead and dying layers.
• Cleanse my head of the narratives that don’t support my new mythology.
• Cleanse my expanding waistline of inflammation and all things sweet.
• Cleanse my heart of wounds, real and perceived.
• Cleanse my home of emotions that roll the corridors like tumbleweeds.
• Cleanse the yard of my neighbors, the peeker, the overbuilder and the demented poodle.
• Cleanse the roads around me of anger, fear, and frustration. Paint a golden path of light, so I may fly safely to my future.
• Cleanse my soul of the fear to breathe deeply again, to hold your hand, to lie together in an intimate coma of love interrupted only by the thud of paws landing on the bed. Nose in my face reminding me that grooming, feeding, or the poo box needs cleaning.
• Cleanse the fatigue of isolation, of enduring loneliness. 

Wipe away the tears. I’m coming home, Mamma. We both have something to look forward to now. 

Restore the badass, angry, delightful force of being and my faith that I'm still a part of this world. I made my bed the old fashioned way, and now I lie in it; unsleeping, unrested, unable to maintain my stiff upper lip or to “keep calm and carry on.”

Cleanse the crud that is seen and unseen. Let it fall like a leaf from a Lily as it comes into bloom, settling onto the warm earth, making shelter and nutrients for the little ones to break down slowly and return to the earth.

And now I am cleansed, what will I put in its place?

• How will I fill the vacuum left behind? 
• Did you think about that? 
• Are you ready for what comes next?
• What new story will I tell myself? 

Will I go back to playing the victim focused on my internal feelings, particularly the painful ones? Or maybe the stickler taking my need for perfectionism order and organization too far?

When this is all over, will I love any differently? Will I be able to express myself fully? Will I want money and possessions or just the restoration of things denied - open tennis courts, smiling faces, dancing, touch, plays, movies, visiting family. It all seems quite simple, the new reality that lies just over the horizon. 

This is the cleanse of my lifetime, and I’m meant to live through it. To burn away, eviscerate, drown, and rid myself of all that doesn’t belong anymore, like hate, violence, separation, war, greed, fear, toxicity. And, in its place embrace love, diversity, kindness, community, collaboration, and hope for the greater good of mankind.

This is the narrative of my new mythology. I am claiming it now, so that when the cleansing is complete, I have a blueprint for a better future.