Cleanliness is Next to Confidence

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word confidence? Is it a well-worn word in your vocabulary that you are very comfortable with, or does just hearing the word make you a bit uncomfortable? Do you feel like anytime someone says the word, there is a challenge coming? Do your insecurities weigh on you like muddy sneakers tracking muck all through your brain and all over your dreams and goals?

If so, you are not alone. Many people find that it is difficult to believe in themselves. They may feel like “hey, I believe in God, and in the Yankees, everything else is suspect”. For some reason (many reasons, actually) we find it difficult to trust ourselves.

Confidence means “with fidelity” or with trust. It is hard to trust ourselves when we have so many indicators that we can’t be trusted right? I mean there’s that failed job or marriage or that fact that I picked the wrong degree…blah, blah, blah.

With the power vested in me (Me, I vested the power), I hereby grant you permission to let that $%^ go! You are so much more than everything that you aren’t. I know you're busy, but let that sink in a minute. Stop adding up what you aren’t to justify what you are. Read on to discover how.

Accept

Things happen that shatter or shake your confidence. No one is immune from feelings of inadequacy. What do you do when you feel stuck in the mud and muck of uncertainty, fear, worry, and doubt?

Try raining down some perspective on your head. Wash away those doubts by committing to a higher calling. Learn to give your goals a purpose. Remember Gain Opportunity to Apply Leverage. Start by accepting that sometimes things just suck (yes, that is the technical term). Great, now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can address what to do about it. Cry? Maybe. Throw a fit? Watch out for fragile material. It might feel great to smash a plate until Grandma comes over and asks where her souvenir farmhouse collectible is. You don’t want that smoke.

So to keep you out of trouble with Grandma, let’s say you acknowledge that things are not going your way (without smashing anything), then take a peek inward. This is your opportunity to get to what you really want and need out of a situation. What is the real purpose of your goal? Dare to dream bigger. Many of you may be familiar with the 7 “why’s”.?Take anything you want and ask yourself why you want it. When you get that answer ask why that one is important. Keep going, ask why 7 times to get to the real reason, and you may find that you need to course-correct, or change your approach. No matter what, keep moving forward. It is not the destination, but who you become during the journey.

Calibrate

So maybe you have to change tactics. No worries. Isaiah 54:17 tells us that “no weapon formed against us shall prosper”. Notice the scripture doesn't say the weapon will not form, only that it will not prosper. It is what it is. “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change”.?- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Reframing is a powerful way to leverage circumstances to serve you. Stress is a two-way street. It only impacts if you react. Responding on the other hand requires a measured and sometimes pre-trained action. You can train yourself to take advantage of any situation. In fact, you can learn to create and mold situations to serve you.

Design the life you want, by creating the circumstances that give you the best chance of success. I show my clients how to be creative and calculating in the execution of their dreams. Does that take confidence? Yes, yes it does. Does it always show up when you want it? Well, no honestly. Sometimes it hides under the desk wishing you would mind your own business! But don’t let that stop you. You must take 100% responsibility for your life. If you leave it to chance or fate, you are effectively giving away your power and accepting “whatever”. Don’t let life happen to you, make it happen for you. Create, maneuver, align, design your path with intent for what is best at each moment and detachment to what comes. How is not your business. Sorry, not sorry. In a recent discussion with Annelise Pesa, she reminded me that “when everything is uncertain, everything is possible”!

You may be thinking, “Whaaaaa?!, I gotta know how!” and “ I NEED to know how everything is going to work in order for me to believe I can do it!” ?MMM hmmm. How is that working out for you? As Bob Proctor once said that’s “like asking for fire before putting wood in the oven”. Belief comes first, faith it - don’t fake it. Do you need some help with how to believe in the dark?

Transform

Once you realize that doubts, limiting beliefs, and challenges will come (and you are still here) and that how you look at these events, shapes your ability to overcome them, now comes the fun part! Believe that you can be, have, and do what you dream by bringing back up! Habits, my friends. Motivation is great, but you can’t wait until you are motivated to move. We all have droughts. You must do something. Take action.

How do you actually live by design rather than default? By moving forward with the right TASKs (Tools, Access, Support, Knowledge).

Tools

There’s an app for that. Seriously, I have an incredible app on my phone that’s like a life coach-in-a-box. It helps me to frame, track and monitor my progress on my goals (in a fun and not naggy way) so that I can get on with the business of being great.

Access (Accountability)

I am always seeking circles of people who will inspire, uplift, and sponsor me. Yes, sponsor. I know you may think “oh I have a mentor”, but there is a difference between someone who gives you career or business advice and one who is invested in your success, and will mention your name in rooms you have never been in. Then you have to be worth the mention! Uh-oh here comes the confidence part. Are you worthy of someone vouching for you? Yes! You are. Let someone know that you are 100% responsible for how you show up. Accountability exudes confidence. People will respond. Be mindful that you are one person but use your TASKs to get you where you need to be.

Support

I’ll have my people call your people. You have people. Sometimes you don’t even know that you have people, but you do. Often the people you expect to support don’t and the ones you don’t know have your back, do. Seek out your tribe and be willing to support them but ask for the help you need as well. I am part of several affinity groups that help me remember that #collaborationisqueen and I have sisters at the ready!

Knowledge

Why do you think you need to know more to do now? What can you do with what you know right now? DO that. Ok, need some additional knowledge? Find ways to tap into your people’s knowledge skills and abilities to position yourself to get what you want. Partner or collaborate with someone who has something you don’t and bring a skill they need to the table. #dontcompetecreate

What's the worse that could happen? What will happen if you ask for that raise or promotion? What if you submit your resume for that dream job? What if you actually show up unapologetically in your joy and genius and make an offer? Your people are waiting for you to step up, speak up, and level up. Every day you have a clean slate. You choose who you are in every given moment. Wash away doubts from yesterday, make sure to scrub between your ears. The thoughts you think and the things you tell yourself are where the dirty doubt hides.

It’s not easy, but it is simple.

Dream. Design. Do. Repeat.

With Gratitude Always,