Clean Speech Illinois Volume 1: Week 27 - Constructive Thinking

In Illinois, we are doing a refresher course of Volume 1 each week on Linkedin and Facebook.

Watch this week's video?at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hO1v-TZJ0OU&t=4s ]

You can check out the videos of New York's volume 2 at https://www.youtube.com/@cleanspeechnyc5456

or Colorado's volume 5 at https://www.youtube.com/@CleanSpeechColorado

During Week 4, we’ve discussed the seven questions that we need to ask ourselves before saying something negative about someone like Bud, who seems to have done something quite wrong. Throughout the discussion, we’ve assumed a positive, constructive reason for needing to speak up about Bud. But what qualifies as a positive, constructive reason? We’ve learned that simply demanding that the truth be made public is never a good reason, because something that’s true and negative is still lashon hara. 1 Here are a few examples of positive, constructive reasons:

• Facilitating Bud’s repayment of the stolen money, which is a mitzvah: For this purpose, we would be allowed to speak to people involved in the issue, such as Bud’s boss, the owner of the ski shop (the victim), or the police. Discussing the matter with anyone else would still be lashon hara.
• Warning coworkers to be more careful with their money around Bud: This reason would help others avoid experiencing loss or harm, a mitzvah that we discussed on Day 22. When doing so, you should tell them in advance that this is the reason that you’re discussing the issue with them, so they don’t think you’re speaking lashon hara. They may then take precautions to protect themselves from Bud, but they shouldn’t actually believe it to be true or treat Bud any less respectfully because of what they heard.2
• Teaching people a lesson about the significant problem of theft: It might be possible to accomplish this without identifying Bud, which would avoid the lashon hara issue altogether. Even educating Bud himself would be a constructive goal, so that he should learn to stop stealing

Of course, you still have to run through all seven questions (see Days 23 through 26) before speaking up for any of these reasons. Another reason you may consider saying something negative about Bud and the incident at the ski shop would be if you’re asked for a reference. If someone else is considering hiring Bud or forging a business relationship with him, you have a positive, constructive reason to help others avoid potential harm or loss. In these situations, great care must be taken to carefully consider the needs of both parties. Remaining silent on a point of significance to a potential employer would be as problematic as overstating something negative about Bud. Some good general rules to follow:

• Limit your answers to the specific information that you’re asked for.
• Do share anything that would be grounds for terminating the relationship.
• Imagine yourself in the position of the person asking you for the reference, as well as the person you’re speaking about

1 See Day 9.

2 See Day 16.

DAILY TO-DO: If you’re drawn into a conversation about others today that includes the potential for something negative to be said, clarify for yourself what your positive, constructive reason is for speaking.