Clean

When I am out of sorts, I clean.

It has been this way for years now as I have continued to push myself to discover more and prioritize.

Life can become chaotic quickly, especially as you choose to challenge yourself and your inherited responsibility.

The cycle for me is fairly simple-

Apply structure and discipline to my desire in accomplishing goals, to be better, and execute it as far as my energy will take me.

?At this point it lasts for several months. When my calendar is full, I am typically fine.? When barren the panic comes, and I feel –dirty.

The process of doing mindless activities helps. ?

Slowing my brain and allowing it to recharge off what has been collected and recently occurred is important.

?Order comes back to life and my basic structure –my Family, my friends, my health, my work, and my purpose.

When I push hard, these stabilizing blocks tend to move under my feet as I attempt to settle in pursuit..as a man.

At capacity, when life is happening all around me, because of me, and ONLY me – the essentials are neglected.? The dishes, laundry, bedtime stories, pushes of the swing and just being present without the noise in the palm of my hand.

What is important to me in distracted moments is rarely relevant to those that I am responsible. How could they understand?

I tend to forget the beauty in what I have already created, and what I have failed to vocalize.

I realize that my ego needs to come back to order, so I begin to compartmentalize…starting with the basics.?

?I started this Newsletter simply to challenge myself, to share and be committed to writing.

I am better at life, when I release my thoughts and my observances as they come.

I will always fall off track, no matter how disciplined I try to be, and that is ok.

In a matter of a month, there was Vegas, San Antonio, San Diego, Arkansas, daddy day care, work pressure, being an attentive husband, raising a 17 year old, potty training and teaching a daughter to pedal.

There will always be finances and promises, friends being diagnosed with cancer, and neglect to things that once seemed important.

There are parties that have been planned, and taxes to be filed, and commitments that need to be met.

The energy runs low…and I fail to express myself as well I should…tension builds. I start to trend down.

I was reminded about this a few days ago in a conversation with someone I had met at a work conference, Transform, just after the Covid shut down lifted.? We will call this person Jack.

Jack is a solid Midwestern, family man.? We had interacted briefly and then lost touch.? He reached out with genuine intent, and we chatted. As far as I know, there was no agenda.

He vocalized to me, that my writings meant something.

“When I read what you write, I feel like I know the coolest guy in the world”.

Wow!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

It lifted me up and tore me down within seconds.

There are plenty of “creators” out there that front an idea of their lives that is perfect.

Mine is not and I hope it never will be.

?The art of life is only discoverable in being truthful.

I will continue to find beauty in the struggle, and the pursuit of growth, as I believe collectively, this has roots.

Listen, Learn and Live to be more in all your failures; when everything is sparkling – its time to dig deeper into the mess.

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