Clarity at Home: How to help children build convictions

The home serves as every child’s first contact with the world and how it functions under normal circumstances. Children learn how to make decisions watching those around them especially their parents. If they observe a pattern long enough, they will likely adopt that pattern as a way of life even when they grow to become adults. This is why it is important for parents to conduct their lives in a way that doesn’t leave a child confuse about what is right or wrong.

In some homes, the parents only give instructions and never show how those instructions are to be followed. What they are at home is in direct conflict to what is been displayed in public. Under these circumstances, a child is literally confused as to which path to follow. At the end, the child is likely to rebel when he is asked to do what he knows his parents do not do.

As a father or mother, you are your child’s first role model. Your child looks up to you not just for physical provision but also a model for life. You must properly set the pace for a disciplined and enduring life. In my work with teenagers especially in the area of drug abuse, I discovered that some of these teenagers started experimenting with drugs out of frustration of not been able to meet the unrealistic demands of their parents who are living contrary to what they are demanding from their children. It is a difficult task for a child to understand why he shouldn’t meddle with alcohol when the father uses alcohol as a relaxation therapy.

If you want your children to grow up responsibly, you must show them you’re your own life what a responsible person looks out. This is not an example they should be searching for in the streets. There is no need asking them to do what you have not been able to do yourself. As a parent, you pass a strong message to your children when they see you stand true to your convictions even in uncomfortable situations. If someone else challenge them in the future about their convictions, they cannot doubt their ability to stick to what they believe is right because they have seen mommy and daddy do same in similar situations.

You are not perfect as a parent and you hardly will be. But if you commit to establishing the correct legacy for your children, then your chances of success are doubled. One thing you can always do is to acknowledge your mistake when you don’t meet the standard. By doing so, you would be teaching your children never to deny responsibility. When you treat your wife or husband wrongly in the presence of your children, don’t assume that your children don’t understand what is happening, apologize openly. They will learn from you the virtue of humility and the liberation that comes from making being a peacemaker.

Just as you are not perfect as a parent, it is important that you do not expect perfection from your children. As little children or even as teenagers, they will make their own mistakes and act below standards multiple times. You must be patient enough to lovingly correct them and allow them time to learn and relearn. You cannot plant a tree today, water it and expect it to grow and bear fruits after a few weeks. That won’t happen.

By all means, strive not to allow the behavior of your children determine your disposition towards them. If your children notice that your acceptance of them is predicated on how well they perform, their lives will be reduced to only wanting to please you and not living out their best life. You would deny them the opportunity of enjoying their childhood. This will in turn create in them a defective perspective to life and especially relationships. It may even affect the way they think of God who is called a Father to all. 

Always remember that your children deserve more than you have received. The way your own parents raised you may not be the best way to raise children even though it produced certain results. If you don’t like the way your parents treated you, don’t repeat the same cycle with your children. It will be counter-productive.

I am Busaosowo Bisong and I write to give a voice to the concerns of young people.