Claim Your Confidence

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase claim your confidence? What happens in your body when I say those words to you, or if you say those words to yourself?

This past weekend was the kick-off to the fourth and final course towards the completion of an Executive Coaching in Organizations coach program with the Center of Coaching in Organizations. We had to write answers to two questions prompted by the faculty member. The second read something to the tune of, “what are your hopes and dreams in course four?” One of my answers was, ‘build confidence’. The night began with the faculty member reading through everyone’s answers and as she got to mine, she said matter-of-factly, “Build confidence? You are going to claim your confidence!” What came to my mind was, “Oh, I love that! It feels doable, exciting, and empowering.” My body felt lighter. With a smile on my face, I shimmied in my chair ready to go. The idea of claiming my confidence shifted the way I embraced the experience of learning that weekend.

Since then, I have been reflecting on confidence. It’s kind of an odd deal. Why do some people have it, and some don’t? Can people truly be overconfident? Confidence is something I would say I have been striving for my whole life, particularly in the work setting. My imagination goes to this picture of confidence dancing in front of me with an open invitation to join. Depending on the situation, I might step in for a song or two, but something always draws me back to the sidelines. Kind of like an awkward 7th grader taking up space on the gym bleachers praying I’m not forced to dance the entire night away. So, I’m not completely without confidence but it has not been claimed like it would if one of my Gopher 5 Minnesota Lottery tickets miraculously matched all five numbers.

Can confidence be claimed if it’s not there 100% of the time? I think so. Hear me out! One of my most impactful life experiences was becoming a member of a gym community in my South Minneapolis neighborhood. I joined for the convenient 5:30 am class offerings and short three block walk but over time I was drawn into an Olympic weightlifting orientation that sold me on the idea of diversifying how I moved my body. I was into my 40’s and becoming more aware of how maintaining and building muscle benefits women of a certain age (that was me!). What I didn’t expect was the confidence that was going to accompany that experience. So, what was it about this particular experience that allowed me to claim my confidence?

Trust was the first thing that came to mind. The brilliant Dori Johnson who owns the gym lives by a few different rules and one is Find Your Day. Something within those words has always brought grace, encouragement, belonging, and framing of it being a journey. I not only trust her, but I have grown to trust myself as I try a new lift or even coach a class. Second, I am surrounded by “my people”. Those who cheer no matter what. Those who read your face and offer gentle pushes that remind me I’m not finished growing. I still have split moments of timidness when I’m going for a new PR (personal record) on my bench press, squat or deadlift. The difference is that once my hands hit that sleek barbell, the technique sets in, I’m focused on my breath, and I’m going for it. Have I “failed” a time or two? I suppose if the failure is not hitting a new PR but I like to refer to it as Finding My Day.

Now, have I claimed my confidence in my career? Have I claimed my confidence as a coach? Have I claimed my confidence in relationships? Not really but as I think it through, the ingredients are mostly there. I am lucky to have “my people” in all aspects on my life. There is trust, encouragement, and grace offered. I feel like I belong at work and in the coaching program. The one ingredient that sticks out as missing is that I’m not always trusting myself. All I have to say to that is, “It’s time, Allison. Let’s dance the night away.”

Share your Claim Your Confidence story in the comments!