Civility at Work: A Bridge To Build and Cross

Civility is a bridge that connects peoples standing on different ends of issues, with very different perspectives. And we must not only become bridge builders at work but, more importantly, we must learn how to cross those bridges ourselves.

My mom used to say (too often for my younger version liking): “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Of course, there is a time and a place for negativity. Sometimes it’s necessary not to be “nice” – like when you’re standing up for something you believed in, or when you see someone being mistreated.

But more often than not, when working with colleagues, respect and civility are the way to go. And having that bridge and crossing it is powerful.

In 2022, it seems that everybody has a work horror story.

A boss that demanded work turned in at impossible rates. A coworker that spoke badly about everybody in the office to the manager – then received favoritism, because the boss thought that person was doing the right thing.

There are small stories, like the colleague who ate fish every day and made the break room stink. And there are big stories, like outright racism and harassment.

One study even suggested that 98% of employees had faced incivility at work. [1]

Most of these cautionary tales come from one place – a lack of respect, civility, and etiquette.

My last article discussed respect – both respect for yourself and respect for others. Today, we’ll focus more on civility, and what you can do to make the workplace a better place to be.

Code of Conduct

“’Being truly civil means doing the small things, like smiling and saying hello to someone in the hallway or listening fully when someone is speaking to you,’ said [Christine] Porath, associate professor of management at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business. ‘It doesn’t mean you can’t have strong opinions, can’t disagree, can’t have conflict or can’t give negative feedback. It’s just do it civilly.’” [2]

This is an awesome place to start when defining workplace civility.

Civility, at its core, is a certain level of politeness and kindness. It’s treating people well. Not just to avoid conflict – though this is an important part of civility – but because you care about your colleagues. You don’t WANT to unnecessarily upset them. You respect them.

One big problem is civility is that it is often unwritten rules. Society is full of these “norms” that can be difficult for neurodivergent team members – or anyone, really – to grasp.

How do you combat this? Write them down!

As always, my first suggestion would be to talk to the team. Ask them what bothers them. Don't let this become a call out session. However, start figuring out what behaviors are holding you back. What behaviors are causing disruption at work?

It is important to actually have the discussion, instead of just assuming that you know. Maybe, you think multiple emails a week explaining the current company goals are helpful to your employees. After all, it provides clarification, right?

Maybe not. The team may not appreciate all this communication. They may feel like their inbox is getting too full.

Once you have established what civility looks like in your organization, set it as a standard.

HR Morning says, “Give employees examples of what’s not acceptable, rather than blanket statements such as, ‘We won’t tolerate rude behavior.’”

For example, if your office is back to working in office, set some boundaries about the break room. Say outright “Employees may not take other employees’ food or drinks.”

If you are still working remotely, have a policy that in Zoom meetings, you may not speak without raising your hand first, so as not to speak over others.

This may seem obvious to you. But again, you must remember that these social norms are not always the normal for everyone. An older employee who has never used zoom before may not realize that they are being rude. Or, like in the example above with the corporate emails, maybe the intentions are good, but the outcome is not.

That is why it is important to establish a code of conduct. Get it written down, get it where all employees can reference it. Leave no room for error or miscommunication.

Dos and Don’ts

Now, even though I just stated the importance of personalizing your own code of conduct, there are a few behaviors that are a good idea across the board.

1.??????Use professional language.

“Express appreciation to co-workers for their help, avoid interrupting others when they’re speaking, and apologize with sincerity if you have mistakenly offended someone.” [3]

No matter how close your staff is, no matter how friendly you are with each other, keep your language and conversation above the belt.

This is just too slippery of a slope. What one person thinks is a funny joke may truly hurt another’s feelings. Keep it professional.

2.??????Acknowledge people.

“From small gestures like a “hello” in the hallway or a thank you note, to things like recognition in a meeting or an annual award, acknowledgment is important. However, make sure acknowledgments are sincere; if employees feel they are not genuine they can be counterproductive.” [4]

Hello’s are huge. Say hi when you pass by. If you work remotely, make sure to ask people how they are doing before diving right in to the bulk of the meeting.

3.??????“Encourage calling ‘in,’ not ‘out’.”

When there is an issue, how do you deal with it? Do you call the colleague out on the spot?

If it is an issue where other employees may be unsafe, physically or psychologically, yes. Do not allow your employees to be mistreated.

However, if it’s not urgent, let it wait until you can speak to the person alone. Calling them out in front of the entire team only leads to embarrassment on their end, not actual learning.

Civility matters. TMA World released these sobering statistics.

“Nearly 9 in 10 of Americans (87%) who work in uncivil environments report that incivility has negative consequences on their job or at home.?More specifically:

·????????Hurts my job morale – 55%

·????????Makes me want to quit – 45%

·????????Leads me to be less collaborative – 40%

·????????Causes me to feel anger toward my coworkers or employer – 38%

·????????Reduces the quality of my work – 36%

·????????Causes me to discourage others from joining where I work

·????????Has a negative effect on my personal time away from work – 32%

·????????Leads me to be less creative – 26%

·????????Leads me to call in sick – 23%”

For your organization and your employees’ sake, create a culture of civility. It is invaluable.

1.??????https://hbr.org/2013/01/the-price-of-incivility

2.??????https://nihrecord.nih.gov/2018/08/10/workplace-civility-increases-productivity

3.??????https://www.plant.ca/features/keep-it-civil-in-the-workplace/

4.??????https://gracehill.com/blog/creating-a-civil-and-respectful-workplace/