Civility is Strength: Thoughts from Joseph Grenny

Having civil conversations is more important than ever. Whether it's discussing polarizing political views or the latest news, these skills are crucial both in and out of the workplace. Joseph Grenny recently emphasized the need for effective communication in his webinar, "Civility Isn't a Weakness: Four Skills for Speaking with Strength, Not Force." You can watch the full webinar here: https://ow.ly/T4yf50SOjLG.

The Art of Civil Communication

We are in a crisis of civility. We watch our peers and leaders resort to aggression, power-plays, and disrespect in every venue – from the boardroom to the dinner table and from social media to the senate floor. Surrounded by poor examples, we often mistake civil communication for weakness. Many wonder if you’re not shouting, will you even be heard? If you’re not arguing, will you get your point across? If you’re not putting someone down, will others see you as a pushover??

What most people stuck in the cycle of incivility don’t realize is that true strength, power, and influence come from one’s ability to speak both candidly and respectfully; to listen as much as you talk; and to be as concerned with understanding others’ perspectives as you are with sharing your own.

Mastering the skills of civil communication is essential for not only increasing your own influence but in building community and connection with others. Joseph shared these tips to begin practicing civil dialogue:?

• Start with Heart. Before you begin a crucial conversation, get your motives right. Ask yourself what it is that you want from the conversation for you, for the other person, and for the relationship.? Keep these motives clear and return to them–even state them out loud–when dialogue starts to degrade.
• Use Solid Evidence. Base discussions on facts, rather than opinions, to avoid premature conclusions and unfair judgements.
• Encourage Curiosity: As soon as you find yourself disagreeing with the other person, don’t double down on your differences. Instead stay curious. Ask questions to better understand why they feel the way they do and what experiences they’ve had that led them to their beliefs. It’s likely you’ll learn something that might influence your viewpoint, at a minimum you’ll increase your understanding of and relationship with the other person.
• Control Delivery: Go to great lengths to maintain a respectful and assertive (not aggressive) tone. If you feel yourself getting heated or emotional, take a minute to cool off or ask the humanizing question: Why would a reasonable, rational person feel this way??

Navigating High-Stakes Conversations

In high-stakes situations, the pressure can escalate into heated exchanges or aggressive behavior, which can harm credibility and effectiveness. Joseph stressed the importance of maintaining civility in these challenging scenarios. For instance, when addressing controversial topics or making critical decisions, maintaining a calm and composed demeanor can significantly influence outcomes, fostering more productive and constructive discussions.

It’s vital we navigate these conversations adeptly by adhering to the principles of civil communication. This includes understanding how tone, word choice, and delivery impact message reception and perception.?

It’s unrealistic to assume that you won’t encounter high-stakes situations, strong emotions, or differing opinions as you work and relate to others. It’s not about avoiding crucial moments all together–results and relationships depend on meaningful connection, especially in difficult moments. Rather, it's about mastering assertiveness without crossing into abrasiveness when conversations do become crucial. Ultimately, the impact of communication lies in its clarity and civility, not in its volume.

When you find yourself in a Crucial Conversation, use these skills to maintain civility and cultivate connection.

Want to learn more? Check out the webinar from Joseph Grenny here: https://ow.ly/T4yf50SOjLG.

Crucial Insights Vol. 4

Written & Edited by Jenna Weber, Brittney Maxfield