Circling Around Change

Hello Everyone! Welcome to On This Walk, a reflection on the winding journey of life in all its realness. We explore intimate, meaningful conversations as we reflect on pressing life questions, discuss both the tension points and choice points that can move us closer to our deeper, authentic lives.?

We try our best to find the paths that fill our lives with meaning, peace and connection. These paths begin within—exploring and balancing our inner landscape with awareness and compassion. Once connected deeply within, to our true nature, we seek to bring this essence and these gifts into our lives, relationships, and work, creating a life that feels aligned and authentic inside and out. Don’t think of me as a coach, guide, teacher, or mentor; I’m simply a walking partner sharing my experiences with you

Be my walking partner for the day.?

The contemporary poet, Jung Pueblo , writes, “Sometimes deeper mental clarity is preceded by great internal storms.”?

I read this and think, “Sometimes? When did I not experience that internal storm?”

When change is coming, the internal storms are a collision of new energy rising into the old, familiar behaviors, commitments and beliefs. They are a force that clears the landscape—picture the serenity that sets in after a storm. The same takes place within us.

But there are understandings and practices that can help us find the calm within the storm.

Let’s stick with our teacher, Nature, with the understanding it offers through the change of the seasons—something very much apparent here in the northeastern United States as we near the end of watching the falling leaves in their colorful glory.

The seasons show us the cycle of change that we all go through repeatedly throughout our lives. Autumn is a time of both beauty and letting go. The harvest is completed and it’s time to prepare for winter. The fallen leaves (i.e. that which we have or are letting go) become the fertilizer and compost for what will grow in the future. Next comes the starkness and bleakness of winter. It’s a season of repose. We’re meant to go within, to rest, to restore – to allow whatever needs to die or to end to do just that-end. We need this time before the birth and activity of Spring.?

Then Spring is upon us: the time of planting seeds of possibility and rejuvenation. This can look like new ideas, experimentation and exploration. This can be a time to let these new ideas and possibilities germinate, take hold, and build strong roots that support their growth into Summer. The Summer is the height of the growth season and full bloom, aliveness, and time to fully shine.

Our cycles of change follow the same patterns of birth, full aliveness, decline, death and then re-birth once again.

Having awareness of what season you are in can give you an idea of how to focus on what is unfolding and how to work with the change instead of resisting it.

Now comes the practices that support being more centered and listening more deeply within as these changes unfold. These practices can be things like meditation, contemplative reflection, or prayer. It can be journaling. It can be active imagination .?It can also be things like coaching and circling. All of these practices give us the space to expand our awareness of what is unfolding and how we are experiencing that unfolding while also keeping us from being over-reactive to all that’s changing.

Communal or group based practices give us a unique opportunity to walk alone, together – meaning, each of our journeys are personal and unique (in a sense, alone), and at the same time, others are on the same or similar journeys in their own unique ways – so we can both be alone and be together while we’re going through these changes. In fact, sharing this journey with other people can help us get in touch with this inner voice and teacher and start to understand the journey that we're being called to.?

For me, this practice of circling keeps coming back around. I don't believe there is one practice that fits all, but I do believe there are certain practices that fit many. And circling is one of those practices . Circling truly is a way of gathering in a small and intimate safe group that allows us to be “heard into speech,” as Parker Palmer says (I love that phrase: heard into speech).?

When you have people that are listening so fully, so deeply and intently with such presence and acceptance, you find yourself drawn into expressing what you are needing to share. You are able to feel and to be witnessed in those moments. It allows you to be truly seen. You learn to tap into and be guided by that inner teacher so that you can allow the words to be found that match your inner experience.?

By putting voice to this inner experience and letting that inner teacher be seen and heard, you begin to come into greater alignment.? You find that your inner world and your outer world start to to integrate. They start to unite and you no longer feel as separate or divided.

You start to accept the truths that are coming through you as you speak them into the circle.? More specifically, this ability to unite with your inner voice begins to usher in a richer, more felt journey of life that seeks to align you to your deeper, essential nature. To me, that's returning to your center.?

Once we connect to that part of ourselves, then it's about how do we live from that center? How do we bring that essential nature back out into the world??

You can use circling to find those answers as well. And, quite importantly, as you begin to feel your way into and make those changes, having a communal practice such as circling, means that you are witnessed by others as you integrate these new directions into your life. Being witnessed like this feels like being welcomed into this new way of being and provides you with support, encouragement, and acknowledgement that helps you stay your course.

I talk with Andrea Bendewald, a mindfulness coach, circle facilitator and founder of The Art of Circling and Alexis Pokorny Kahlow , a performance-based mindfulness expert, author and CEO of Open Deltas and author of “Out of the Grind and Into the Flow ” around the art of circling and creating transformational spaces centered on listening in episode 6 of my podcast, On This Walk. Feel free to take a listen and learn from these powerful and transformative women.?

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