Circles of Your Reality
“Does this matter?” is a question I ask myself frequently — one that doesn’t have a definitive answer. Whether a positive or negative situation, or whether dealing with others or with your own thoughts, determining what “matters” is subjective, relative to whatever in your world you’re choosing for comparison.
In thinking through this daily scenario, I’ve led myself to a concept I’ve deemed circles of reality. It’s a simple (like, really simple) exercise that allows one to regain calm by reframing how they’re viewing their problems.
In essence, the practice is about understanding that our focus changes constantly, from minuscule, in-the-moment thoughts to ideas about the world and the universe and what the hell we’re doing on earth. The smallest of circles are in the present, and it’s where we’re focussed when we hate the world because we stubbed our toe or got cut off in traffic. It’s very much immediate and feels important (or painful), but it’s not too difficult to see that those things won’t matter for long. At the other end of the spectrum is the sense of wonder we experience when we look up at the stars and let our minds wander. We focus on the size of the universe, the likelihood of our existence, the truly incomprehensible scope of what’s out there. From this, one of the largest of circles, almost nothing matters. We are insignificant, unimportant, a grain of sand on the world’s largest beach.
In between the smallest and largest circles of reality are countless other circles of various sizes. Some things matter only instantaneously, others for a day, some for a week, and some things affect you for your entire life. Our focus shifts from circle to circle constantly, depending on what’s happening to us and how we’re perceiving it. The practice to find calm is simply to learn to be aware of these circles and self-diagnose where your brain is at any point in time, particularly when stressed or upset. “My focus is on the wrong circle in my life right now”.
When experiencing frustration, anger or disappointment, our minds tend to go to the circle that perpetuates the negativity, which is why we often get rattled more frequently than we need to. Being able to think to ourselves “This hurts, but my focus is on a very small circle. My day is fine. My week is fine. This doesn’t have to upset me. There are larger circles in my life in which everything is great” allows us to not be upset, or at least manage our stress level. It can be that easy. We all have a million things going on in the present, over a longer period of time, and way into the future, and some things suck while lots are great. Making the choice to direct our attention to the positive elements of our lives — whether that means considering larger or smaller circles relative to our present experience — allows us to, quite simply, be happier.
Does your headache matter? Small circle, you can overcome. Did you lose your job? Larger circle, but can you go on? Will it matter when you’re 70? Would you trade your family, your safety, your relationships (huge circle) for that job? You will be okay. Alone at home, some things feel like they’re the most important in the world, but try telling that to the other seven billion out here (billions of whom have it much worse), because it will feel much less significant. Be aware of where your focus lies to understand that you have good in your life and you have great in your life. Understand that and manage your perceptions, and everything will come around in the end.
—Chris
Chris Ackroyd
Hey, I’m Chris. I created Life In Questions in hopes of helping people to think a little bit differently. I’m all about people, learning, sports, and the game of life. I believe that our minds shape how we live, act, and behave, and that by being more aware of ourselves, we can live happier and more successful lives.