Christmas in Care: Preparation for a Stable and Positive Christmas Starts Now:

Since September, we have all started to see Christmas looming on the horizon. For some, this festive period is met with renewed excitement each year, no matter how early the Christmas cards appear in the stores. And for others, the reality of the festive period may not reach until the last-minute dash around the shops a few days or the evening before.

Most agencies and authorities will tell you that they have policies against moving children over the festive period, despite this, last year freedom of information requests revealed that between 18th December 2021 and 3rd January 2022 there were 1257 children and young people that moved, some of them even more than once.

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, it cannot be ignored that the festive period focuses on family and togetherness, and many children in care have attested to difficult feelings of isolation and loss over the period. There is something we can take and learn from the commercial side of Christmas – preparation for a stable festive period for those in, on the edge, and that have left care should at a minimum be starting from now.

Children In Care:

The Christmas period can be a time of make-or-break for the relationships formed between a child in care and those that look after them. When the festive period is approached considerately, there are opportunities to promote and enhance stronger relationships, however, there is also potential to damage them. Young people have shared stories of being treated differently than birth children, feeling like a burden or a guest in somebody else’s Christmas and even being sent for respite so that families can go on holiday without them. It isn’t all doom and gloom, some people with lived experience have shared stories of feeling like they only truly experienced the love and warmth of Christmas since being looked after. Here are some tips and tricks to promote stability this festive season:

• Start direct work conversations with children now, what does Christmas look like for them, what do they expect and how are they feeling about it. Knowing expectations and worries helps you address them in advance and find ways to promote stability. Simple gestures like food they are used to or observing some of their home traditions is a great way to make sure they feel wanted, included, and cared about.
• Review policies for Christmas allowances, they vary massively with some policies capped at ￡100 up to one-week additional fostering allowance. In an ideal world, those taking care of children would want an equitable experience for all, this sadly isn’t always the case. If a boost to Christmas allowance is the difference between a young person having less to open than a birth child or child with a higher allowance, it’s a small fee to ensure they have an equal experience and feel equally valued to their peer.
• Identify all homes at risk of breakdown, put in mediation, support and additional help to enable the young person to remain in their current home until after the festive period.
• Be realistic, if a young person’s current home is at risk of breakdown and likely to not make it through the festive period, a planned move agreed by all in the next few weeks can ensure a new stable home in time for December and less chance of becoming one of the 1257 young people that experienced festive moves in a previous year.
• Respite over the festive period should quite frankly not be allowed. What would someone sending you away at the most ‘together’ time of year tell you? Really evaluate the motivations of individuals or homes requesting respite at this time of year and actively prevent it if possible.
• Understand that no one size fits all. Some young people may withdraw from celebrations as they associate the time of year with the family they are missing. Have the difficult conversations and offer practical emotional support.
• Treat children as your own on the big day, if you are a social worker, have a card and gift under the tree of the young persons home to be given to the young person, sign it with your name and please don’t reference your role – just wish them a merry Christmas. If you are a foster carer or home, get them involved in the day, have them help you prepare something or keep you company while you do a task, do as you would with your own children, and you’ll be doing right by them.

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Care Leavers and those with Lived Experience:

With instability for children and young people in care on the rise, there are rapidly increasing numbers of children that leave the care system without a notable positive and lasting relationship. Hence the call in the Independent Review of Children's Social Care for each young person to leave care with at least two connections. Unlike most people, that continue to be surrounded and welcomed by family often for their entire lives, those leaving care can experience lasting isolation, which can be heavily amplified over the festive period. Having spoken to a number of care leavers with both positive and negative experiences of the festive period here is some best practice you can implement to promote a Christmas of warmth and care for those with lived experience:

• Speak to those with lived experience as above, understand their individual needs and expectations and the ways you can support these.
• Organise two Christmas meals for care leavers, one in advance of Christmas for those who don’t feel comfortable to attend arranged activities on the day, and one on Christmas day as an opportunity for those who would like to come together and may not have other arrangements to attend.
• Arrange -if appropriate- for the young person to return home for Christmas, work with previous foster carers, children’s homes, or providers to explore ways that young people can come back to celebrate Christmas if they wish.
• Put out requests to the workforce and in the local area for befrienders that would welcome a care experienced individual into their home on Christmas day, make sure they are vetted and safe and that they build a friendship with the young person in the months leading up to Christmas ensuring they feel more comfortable to attend on the day.
• Ensure young people are financially supported over the festive period, that they have the finances required to ensure they have all the basics covered and the extras we all enjoy such as additional or better-quality food, and something tucked aside for a little treat.
• Some young people lacking connections may have no gifts the entire festive period, don’t wait for it to happen, send care leavers a gift and a card, not a generic soap gift set, speak to them, understand their interests and what a meaningful gift might be. Whether its bath bombs, books, trainers, or a specific brand of t-shirt, as long as its reasonable, we have the finances available to ensure they get one gift that shows we care.
• Review any outstanding issues or concerns with their home or support needs and pro-actively get them resolved before December arrives. This act alone can ensure they feel valued, cared about and stable over the festive period.
• Lived experience does not end at twenty-five. Be realistic about who in the wider cohort may need support and open initiatives aimed at care experienced people to all those that may require or wish to access them.

Edge of Care and Those Entering Care:

Christmas can be a pressure-point for many families, with heightened financial pressures, time off school and sometimes stressful family gatherings, there are a surprising number of children that become looked after over the festive period, including on Christmas day. Whilst it may not be possible to prevent children from coming into care or even appropriate to do so when intervention is needed, there are things that we can do to support families over the period and be better prepared for any children that many need to enter care during that time:

• Identify families that may require extra support to reduce pressure-points over the period, be realistic about their needs and put in a robust plan to support them. Speak openly about what the festive period and time off school looks like to them and what can be done to promote stability.
• Ensure emergency duty teams are robust and that they do not make children or young people feel that there is somewhere else they should be, they likely already have an awareness that you would rather be at home – it does not need to be apparent.
• Ensure all emergency foster carers or homes have standby gender-neutral Christmas gifts for any unexpected arrivals over the period or on the day, this can be a welcome gesture that can breakdown barriers for children coming into care at such a significant time of year.

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The festive period can be a hard time for those with lived experience, but it can also be an opportunity to reframe experiences and ensure that children, young people, and those with lived experience feel supported, valued, and cared for. In acknowledging the potential difficulties across the period and pro-actively taking steps to promote stability and ensure as positive an experience as possible, we can do right our children and young people and help them approach the festive period with renewed energy, excitement, and an understanding that no matter their circumstance, they have as much right as any other to a happy festive period.

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Your insights and perspectives are invaluable. Together we can forge a path towards an inclusive and equitable social care system. Drop your thoughts and comments below. I am also keen to see your own posts with the hashtag #CareThisChristmas showing what you or your organisation are doing to care for those with lived experience this festive period.

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