Christians Hurt...
We hurt ourselves. We hurt the world around us. Just because we’re Christian doesn’t mean we’re exempt from causing and receiving pain and suffering. Many Christians behave as though they are “better than” those who believe differently - or don’t believe in anything at all. Therefore, non-Christians tend to be turned-off to Christianity because they see the imperfections of those who claim to be “better than”. When the flawed and sinful Christ followers (Christians) hurt others, there’s no wonder people are turned away and disgruntled. Honestly, I don’t blame them in the least.?
If my personal faith wasn’t as strong as it is, I certainly would have been turned-off by those who claim to be Christians but don’t live that lifestyle in their hearts. I would have been turned-off in second grade when the kids at the Catholic school I was attending bullied my friend Jimmy, because his shoes were hand-me-downs. Back then, in the early 80’s, there weren’t scholarships given at private schools. Jimmy’s single-mom worked tirelessly to pay for his education.
I would have been turned-off by those same classmates who unfriended me in eighth grade when I decided to choose horseback riding over cheerleading. Their reaction was as though I committed an atrocity. But somewhere, deep within, I knew the horses would be longer-lasting and better friends than the people with whom I attended school. Mind you, there’s no blame on my part towards my fellow classmates. We were all kids trying to figure out the world and how we fit into it. I’m not making excuses for them either. For some, being popular was more important than to others. For me, being accepted was important, but it wasn't motivation to choose cheer over horses. I was an awkward kid with a weird name, parents who spoke with a funny accent, and a body that was years behind that of the other girls my age.?
I would have been turned-off by Christians by the man I married who claimed to be a Christian yet appeared unremorseful after raping his wife and causing deep trauma to my children. The wounds from that relationship took years to heal. The rape was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. The emotional, psychological, financial, and spiritual abuse beforehand lasted a few years. Once the abuse became physical, I remember thinking, “If he’s willing to rape me, what could he do to my coming-of-age daughters?” Never would I have thought the most harm would have been done to my son.
I would have also been turned-off from Christianity by the woman from a former church who attempted to slander my character amongst our peers and refused to come to the table when invited. Through my experience with her, I realized how deeply domestic violence affected me. One day, when I was heading out of my garage, I saw her car by the corner near my home - watching. Logically, I did what anyone would do (I say with a tint of sarcasm). I parked behind her waiting for her next move. The situation was a massive trigger to the former abuse endured. I felt 100% unsafe. I spent a number of upcoming weeks looking out my windows to see if she was lurking.? Even after filing a police report and a PPO (which I dropped because that was the right thing to do), I was constantly on edge. As a matter of fact, I spent the next two months being a hermit. No kidding, I didn’t want to be social with most people or follow through with any commitments made (virtually or in-person). Once I came home from work, I wanted to stay home - unless my inner circle asked me to do something with them. It was time for me to heal - again.
Time and again, I could have been turned-off from Christianity by the hands of my fellow Christians. But, I wasn’t. I wasn’t turned-off because I realized (at a very young age) that Christians are humans - go figure. We are humans first, Christians second. In all transparency, those painful moments and triggers strengthen my faith. Hebrews 11:1 teaches us:
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Faith is what keeps me going daily. Faith keeps me forgiving and showing grace. I keep forgiving myself and showing myself grace. I keep forgiving others and showing others grace as well. Do I forget? Oh no way!!!!! This brain is like that of an elephant. I keep the faith in God -- allowing Him to heal me -- allowing Him to heal others.?