Choosing the Right Coach for You: A Straightforward Guide

Recognising different types of support

Let’s get the confusing bit out of the way first because there are coaches who mentor, consultants who coach, and coaches who offer therapy. Here’s a quick breakdown of who does what:

?? Coaching gives you time and headspace for reflection and creative thinking, plus the clarity (and often accountability) to figure out a plan to create positive changes in your life. Coaching is non-prescriptive; your coach won’t “tell” you what to do (you will always be the expert on you). But they will ask thought-provoking questions like “What do you want to do about that dream?” or “What will you do next?” and “When are you going to do that?” to help you move forward and take action.

?? Mentoring involves sharing advice and ideas based on personal experience, typically from someone more advanced who has travelled a similar career path to yours.?

?? Consulting means giving straightforward advice on the action you should take next in order to reach your goals. Consultants are usually experts in their field, offering personalised guidance to help you overcome challenges and move forward by telling you what to do next.

?? Group coaching programmes involve coaching multiple people all in a group. (That’s pretty self-explanatory in a Ronseal “does what it says on the tin” way, isn’t it? Not old enough to remember those ads from the 80s? Watch this.) Sessions are often live (rather than pre-recorded) and include workshops, webinars and other opportunities for interactive learning. Group programmes can be a cost-effective way to benefit from expertise while also learning from the other participants in your group.

?? Blueprint or course-based coaching sessions typically involve structured, pre-designed and/or pre-recorded content to cover specific topics or outcomes. Blueprints are ace if you prefer self-paced, structured learning, have specific goals in mind, and are comfortable following a predefined curriculum.

?? Therapy sessions support emotional challenges, mental health conditions, and belief systems. Often focusing on past events, it involves exploring root causes and personal growth through therapeutic approaches. In comparison, coaching conversations may touch on the past to bring context, but us coaches don’t spend much time there, because that’s more a role for therapy or counselling experts.

The definitions I’ve shared above are widely used and accepted, but it’s important to note that:

• a.) You will come across other variations for each of these approaches because, well, that's the internet for you. Besides...
• b.) It’s not necessarily a case of one or the other. Many practitioners use their own specific blend of methods to best support their clients.

Do coaching qualifications matter?

I’m a qualified and certified coach, trained to meet standards set by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). But should that factor into the decision when you’re looking for coaching support? Well… that depends.

Frustratingly, for both you and me, the coaching industry is unregulated, so anyone can change their job title, call themselves a coach without any experience to back it up, and then all of LinkedIn can congratulate them on their new role. ???

Training for coaches varies hugely, from freebie courses on Udemy to the mega-intense (in a perfect-for-me way) diploma I did, which involved 125 hours of live lessons and 100+ hours of one-to-one coaching.?

The ICF is the world's largest community of trained coaches. I deliberately chose to opt for an ICF-recognised coaching diploma and membership, as their code of ethics resonates strongly with my own values of equity and fairness.?

So, do qualifications matter to me? Yes!

Do they matter to anyone else, though? Well, I’ve never been asked about my qualifications when speaking with a new client. I have had to provide certificates when coaching through agencies. But do I think that being certified means more coaching clients? Nope.

Should qualifications matter to you? That's entirely up to you. As with probably every other industry, there’s always a tiny minority of people who ruin it for the rest of us who are working hard to do good work and have a good impact along the way. Having a qualification doesn't mitigate the risk of coming across someone like that, sadly. That’s why it’s so important to do your research when choosing the right coach for you, so please keep reading for advice on this. :)

What type of coaching support do you need?

Like most things, coaching works best when it’s specific and focused. Once you’ve decided that coaching is right for you, think about your individual goals and challenges to find a coach who aligns with your needs.

I work with neurominority adults who feel stuck and overwhelmed in the chaos of daily life. They want to design and achieve their version of success and are looking for strategies and support to do this in the way that suits them best. (I don’t believe there is one “right” way.”)

I specialise in coaching employees and the self-employed via the UK’s Access to Work (AtW) scheme.

This means that AtW clients receive full or partial funding for their sessions from the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP).

?? Most AtW clients don't need to pay me a penny because 100% of the cost of their sessions (sometimes referred to as "coping strategy" sessions) is covered by their grant and so the DWP pay me directly. ?? I’ll be publishing a series of articles for employees and the self-employeed around the AtW scheme soon, so make sure to subscribe to this LinkedIn newsletter for more info, or head over to the gov.uk website here for the details.

But what does that kind of support look like in practice?

In The City and Guilds Neurodiversity Index Report 2023, the top ten greatest challenges neurominority workers reported were:

1. Work/life balance - 12%
2. Time management - 11%
3. Being valued for the skills I have - 9%
4. Emotional wellbeing - 9%
5. Feeling of being different - 8%
6. Feeling psychologically safe - 7% (Read more on psychological safety here)
7. Communicating with peers - 5% (Find more guidance on effective comms for neurodiverse teams here)
8. Being a carer as well as working - 4%
9. Understanding organisational settings/rules - 4% (Read more about neurodiversity in leadership here)
10. Home challenges - 4%

And actually, that’s a pretty darn good snapshot of the kind of things I work on with my clients.

Whether it’s work-related or general life-related (usually a mixture of both), as your coach, I am here to provide support and nudge you with the right questions to help you better understand yourself and those around you.??

Most of my client sessions consist of pure coaching, but when appropriate, I’ll draw on my mentoring and consultancy experience to share tools and strategies or make gentle suggestions.

Our conversations might cover things like:

• ?? Setting a goal for the session to keep our conversation on track. That’s the big difference between having a cuppa and a nice chat versus having a conversation that offers dedicated thinking time and accountability for real action.

• ?? Strategies to support productivity and focus. Dopamine-lover? Professional procrastinator? All brains are welcome here.

• ??Whatever is taking up the most space in your head, and what we need to cover to lessen that mental load and quieten the internal chatter.

• ? Advocating for your needs while maintaining boundaries.

• ??? Ways to communicate with compassion but without conflict.

• ?? How to increase your confidence in yourself and your skills to move closer to what you want to be, do or have.

• ?? Quantifiable logical stuff like metrics and stats, but also the non-tangibles like emotions, feelings and confidence.

• ?? Personal stuff. (Yes, even if your goal is technically work-related because our work and personal lives will be forever intertwined.)
• ?? What you want to dial up (or down) regarding how you support your physical, spiritual, and/or emotional health.
• ?? What you think you should do versus what you want/need to do.

Choosing the right coach for you

Even when you know what you’re looking for, the search for a coach can become overwhelming pretty quickly because there’s just so much choice. I always prefer to ask for recommendations, but of course, a Google search works too.

Once you’ve got a shortlist of potential options, here are three things you can (and should always) do to help you find the coach that’s a fit for you.

#1 Do your due diligence

Before you commit precious time, energy, and finances/funding to coaching, research the coaches you’re considering. Look at their websites and online presence. How do they come across? Are they likeable and well-informed? What do their former clients say about them? Testimonials provide valuable insights into the coach's approach, methodology, and overall effectiveness.

Look for specific details about:

• the results their clients have achieved
• how the coach supported them
• what the coaching style was like
• how the client felt after working with them. My clients are always invited to leave a testimonial IF (big if - it's their choice) they feel comfortable sharing their journey publicly as I know it helps future clients get a true sense of what it’s like to work with me.

“Before I signed up to work with Victoria, I felt like I had to struggle alone. I had always known I was dyslexic but had only recently become aware that I might have ADHD. Victoria has been a trusted coach, and I have felt very comfortable with unmasking and being my authentic self.” ?- Graham

If it's helpful, I have a stack of testimonials on my LinkedIn profile; pop over and have a look if you’d like to read more.?

#2 Get on a discovery call

Many coaches offer a free, no-pressure introductory chat so you can speak to them and find out more about how they work before you commit.

I recommend you always have a discovery call with a coach before paying any money.

Because I specialise in neuroinclusion, I want all neurominorities to feel at ease from the moment they land on my booking page. It’s really important to me that potential clients know what to expect - the duration of the call, how it takes place, whether they need to be sat at the desk with the camera on (no they don't, btw), and what we might talk about.

The discovery call is also your chance to ask any questions and get a feel for whether you'll get on with your potential coach and if your personalities align (which is so important that it gets a point to itself in number three below).?

You definitely don't need to (and should not be expected to) make a decision about working together there and then on the discovery call.

#3 Check the vibe

I once attended a coaching session where the coach asked me a barrage of “why did you do that” style questions, which felt like a personal attack and that I was being told off.???

Starting a question with “why” can feel quite accusatory. It’s far gentler and more effective to start with a who, what, where, when or how - e.g., “What made you say….” or “How did you know that was the right next step?” Believe me, it works!?

Anyway, I left that call in floods of tears, and upon reflection, I realised I hadn’t done my due diligence to find a coach I’d really get on with.

I don’t mean that my clients and I are bezzie mates enjoying a bottle of Pinot on a Friday night (I gave up drinking in 2018, so that’s not for me anyway - read more about that here). But your coach should be someone who “gets” those little quirks, soothes any awkwardness, and puts you at ease because they aren’t judging you. You never feel less than; you’re an equal, and you’re being seen.

For coaching to be effective, you have to feel connected and safe in the presence of your coach. This means you can be open and honest in your sessions without fear of judgment. It might sound fluffy, but it really matters.?

One of my Access to Work coaching clients, Emma, prefers to use Microsoft Teams for our calls instead of my usual Zoom. While waiting for Emma to join our call one day, I spotted the virtual backgrounds feature on Teams and decided to go all in with a Minecraft backdrop. ?? My daughter was a big fan of the game, so I took a quick pic and browsed through the other backgrounds.

When Emma joined the call, she found me floating in outer space. ?? Cue intense panic from me as I frantically tried to find the “remove background” button. Emma (very graciously) didn't judge and, instead, guided me back to my usual office setup with some clear instructions. And THEN we had a laugh about it (once my heart rate had calmed down!).

That is exactly what I mean by connection and alignment. Our sessions are a total joy to attend; there’s no social hierarchy or formalities because Emma and I connect as equals.

[I also checked, and Dr Emma Langman-Maher was totally okay with me sharing this silly story! ??]

How does the coaching process work?

There's no one-size-fits-all approach to coaching. My process won't necessarily look like another coach's, but that doesn't mean both aren't equally effective. Like all good coaches, I'll constantly refine and hone my methods based on continued development, experience, and what I see working well for my clients.

Within that framework, I tailor sessions to work best for you, but here's a rough idea of what working with me and my HSP (highly sensitive person) brain looks like:

• ?? We start with a discovery call to check we vibe together and that coaching is what you need. If coaching isn't what you need, I will be honest. Therapy and self-care may be more important for you right now.
• ?? A service agreement so we both know what to expect. For example, you won’t get the results you want if you don’t do the actual work - from turning up to the calls to taking action in between sessions. I’m really good at what I do, but I can’t do the work for you or by osmosis. I’m sorry. ??
• ?? Regular calls where you join in a way that suits your brain, energy, and mood. Video on or off or while walking and dialling in audio only. It’s your choice, I don’t mind because these sessions are designed to meet your needs.
• ?? Thoughtful questions to untangle your thinking and challenge your status quo. Oh, and you’ll be doing roughly 80% of the talking. But take your time when responding - I am patient AF, especially when you might feel your thoughts are scattered, or your words are rambling. I promise I’ll listen to every word you say because it’s all relevant and helpful to hear in terms of the bigger context of your world.
• ?? I’ll treat you as an equal with clear, compassionate, jargon-free communication.

• ?? I’m not driven by status or ego, and I don’t tend to vibe with anyone who is.
• ?? Action items at the end of each call - this is the stuff you’ve committed to during the call and/or questions I’ve posed for you to reflect on before our next call.
• ?? Connection, empathy, and kindness. I will move heaven and earth to help you in any way I can.
• ?? Accountability between sessions if you want it. Via email or a voice/text app.

Find out more about me, how I work and what I’d do if I had a Tetris empire - click here to head over to my website.

Credentials matter, but connection is crucial

Regardless of your job title, personality type or shoe size (okay, that last one is a joke), if there’s a gap between where you are right now versus where you want to be, coaching can help.?

And while qualifications and experience are important, it's equally essential to find a coach you connect with - who understands your personality, values, and goals, and who creates a supportive and non-judgmental environment.?

Remember that coaching is a partnership. When both sides are fully invested, the right coach can empower you to be/do/have what you want in a way that feels good and aligned.

About Me - Victoria Tretis

Hi - I’m a certified coach specialising in working with neurodivergent adults, with sessions designed by someone who gets it ?? HSP + RSD Thinker | Access to Work Coach | 80% listener = 20% talker.

I'm based in Nottingham, UK, with my other half and our eleven-year-old daughter. I love working from home, and our labradork (not a typo) of a dog (shown in the pic at the top) and three rescue cats keep me company during the day.

I'm also a big fan of living a sober life (since 2018) ... and ditching the dye in favour of letting those greys shine through (see pic below and read more on that here). ??

?? Are you an employee or someone who's self-employed and thinking about Access to Work coaching? Need support to unmuddle your thoughts, get clear on your goals and finally figure stuff out?

I’ve already completed over 200+ hours of coaching with 30+ neurominority folks. You ready to see if we vibe together? Book here and let's find out.

If you enjoy my articles, please help me by liking this post and sharing your feedback in the comments on LinkedIn. Your engagement feeds the algorithm gods, which boosts visibility and helps spread awareness of neuroinclusivity. Thank you for being so supportive! ????