On Choosing the Right Coach

Choosing the right coach for yourself is like choosing a life partner or a business partner.

That makes the choice both easier and harder.

Easier because the same principles apply so if you are successful in choosing a life partner or business partner, you'll be able to translate these principles into finding a great coach.

Harder because oftentimes people struggle with all three: choosing the coach, choosing the life partner, and choosing a business partner.

Unfortunately, in so many cases people step into the space without having clarity on what exactly they want. And they just jump into any relationship.

I'm writing this to you to hopefully add some puzzle pieces that would contribute to your thinking systems and help you choose more effectively.

Here are some foundational principles.

Let's dive in.

1. Identify the problem correctly.

(at least to the best of your ability).

Most problems stem NOT from not being able to find the solution to a problem. Most problems perpetuate because of the way the problem statement is formulated.

This is a big part of what I do in my coaching practice. One of the most important skills that I train my clients to develop is the skill to ask the right questions.

The quality of your answer is the quality of your question.

Ask nonsensical questions and you will be getting nonsensical answers.

90% of all the questions that people ask are nonsensical.

The moment you reengineer the question the question destroys itself.

Here is a simple thinking tool that I call The 3 Mental Filters.

Before you vocalize any question put it through three mental filters:

• Where is the question coming from?
• What are you trying to attain with this question?
• If your best friend came to you with the same question, how would you coach them?

Test your question before bringing it to the table.

There is a lot of work on clarity that you can do before engaging with the coach.

You will be engaged with the coach more thoughtfully if you identify the problem with the highest possible degree of precision.

2. Read first.

Most coaches create content. They might not enjoy marketing too much but they do it.

As a coach, I would rather focus on coaching and honing my craft, however, putting the message out there is important. You can't live your mission if your mission is unknown to the world.

So, coaches will publish their thoughts.

Go and immerse yourself in the stuff that they create.

Understand their thought process, read through their articles, read through their posts, watch their videos, and listen closely to what your intuition tells you.

Instincts don't lie.

Something within you needs to gravitate towards the energy of the human you are considering to be your coach.

And then, look for substance.

Look for the quality of thoughts. This is the most important thing that you can focus on because your coach can only bring you to the depth of their understanding.

If there is no depth of understanding, if all you see is just shallow marketing, creating noise for the sake of noise, posting selfies, puppies, and nonsensical marketing stuff, then yeah, sure - this content will find its audience as well.

But what do you want?

What's the transformation that you seek?

Look for insight. Look for knowledge. Look for wisdom.

Your coach is somewhere out there and they create knowledge systems for people out there because they want to improve the world, no matter if the world is paying them for that or not.

Why?

Because this is their true nature.

Birds fly and sing.

Trees produce oxygen.

A true coach creates knowledge systems that help other people harness the chaos of this world.

3. Collect your data points.

Almost all coaches will first invite you into a discovery call to explore potential alignment.

If the coach jumps right into selling mode this is a red flag. ??

Here is the thing.

You wouldn't marry someone you've just for the first time.

You would date around and you would see people and by the very process of meeting other people, you would develop your understanding of what works for you and what doesn't.

Over time you will crystallize your understanding of what kind of person you are and who you see next to yourself for the rest of your days.

Same with therapy. If you're looking for a therapist you would date around. Collect your data points and see what the free market has to offer to you.

The same principle applies in coaching.

?? Meet more coaches.

There are so many coaches out there and they will all give you a free sample of their coaching, and honestly, there's a lot that can be already concluded just by the first several minutes of interaction.

Is there chemistry? Is there energy? Is there substance in what they say? Even in a short conversation whether it's 15 or 30 minutes do you feel like that the value has been delivered to you? Did they listen to you fully, non-judgmentally, quietly?

That's the thing that you want to look out for - NOT what they are, but WHAT YOU are feeling with that person.

Ask your questions. Interview them. Pressure-test both their competence and confidence.

A coach is not someone who will be the source of all knowledge and wisdom. It's a partnership.

A true coaching relationship is a co-creative process and you are the main hero of that story - you are the one hiring the support system for yourself. So hire with confidence. And fire fast if things are not working out for you.

This is how I level set in the beginning with people who want to work with me.

I would be the first one to tell you that I'm not a coach for everyone.

I don't need clients. I have clients.

I need Success Stories.

I challenge people. I apply pressure. I show you how to work with your mind and destroy your own limiting beliefs and falsehoods. Agreeing to work with me you subscribe to ruthless, brutal, unapologetic truth.

And sometimes truth hurts. For many people this is a painful process. There is no transformation if you're clinging to the past identity - this is the whole purpose of the work we do together.

?? Identity reinvention.

I would be the first one to tell you: "Listen, it's okay. It's okay if things are not working out for us. I have a network of coaches I am constantly making referrals to. If we are not a fit, let me make an intro and let's just stay friends."

However, I will also be the one to tell you that the stuff that I do no one can do. And that's not arrogance, bragging or beating my own drum. ??This is confidence that stems from absolute knowledge that I can deliver.

At the end of the day, it is your choice. It has always been your choice.

What you want to do in your life.

The way you want to live it.

Who you want to marry.

Who you want to work with.

And what kind of coaching partner you want to have by your side in the process of manifesting your desired reality.

4. Prepare for the call.

?? Here is something I share with my potential coachees before the first call.

Reflect on these questions:

• What's the current state?
• What's the desired future state?
• What is the gap?
• What are the blockers?
• If I engage in the 6 months coaching project right now, what is the success for me at the end of it?
• What have I tried to do myself? Why it doesn't work?
• Why do I think you need a coach?

Brainwrite before you brainstorm.

The more you think about it, the more intentional you can be.

5. A great coach coaches. At all times.

A great coach will always coach you.

It could be anything - a 15-minute discovery call, 30-minute rapid fire, one-hour session, or a 120-minute deep dive - a coach coaches at all times.

And that's what you need to feel.

You need to feel that you are coaching, you need to feel that there is a difference between your first state at the beginning of the call and your end state at the end of the call, where you clearly feel that clarity has increased, organization of thought has increased, and you're walking away with either a new degree of understanding or an actionable item - something you can execute on.

Not all sessions need to be breakthrough sessions full of mind-blowing insights.

Some sessions can be simply calibration sessions, some sessions can be returning to the foundational principles, some sessions can be iterations on the current systems, and they can get very tactical.

But either way, that's what you want to see.

You want to see and feel that in every single interaction, you are being coached at all times.

6. A great coach will give you experience.

Why do you come to coaching?

?? Everyone comes to coaching to have transformational experience.

So look out for that.

On your free coaching session, look for transformational experience.

You have to have an internal confirmation that something has changed. You have unlocked new degrees of understanding and your new newly developed systems of thinking translate into new internal states that in turn drive new behavior, new habits, new patterns, new systems, new actions, and eventually lead you to new experiences. And from that experiences, new thinking emerges.

A coach who is worth their money will deliver you that.

They will deliver transformational experience.

7. A great coach does not seek to be transactional.

Mediocre coaches are there for quick buck.

Get in. Get cash. Get out.

Their coaching is pay to play.

Great coaches are infinite players.

I am not in the coaching game to work with my clients for 6 months project, and then "good bye friend, never see you again".

My ambition is not to be a transactional coach. My ambition is to become a lifetime advisor.

Life is too short to spend it on shallow relationships.

The secret to life lies in depth. Not breadth.

8. Watch out for those who charge hourly rate.

All coaches go through this cycle of evolution.

I've been there, everyone has been there.

At first, people start charging hourly just because they don't have confidence in their coaching ability. And that's okay too.

Coaching just like anything is a journey. We all evolve and progress in our skill.

You might me meeting someone who is still in the beginning of their journey. Their skillset might not be as high, but their heart is in the right place (hopefully). They want to help you.

So definitely explore, especially if you're on the budget and you cannot afford working with top performing coaches at this point in time.

I just want to highlight the foundational principle here. Coaches, are like artists, we don't charge for our time, we charge for the transformation delivered.

Transformation happens when there is execution.

Execution happens when there is skin in the game.

And that's the question that you want to ask yourself: what is the investment that YOU are willing to make in YOU.

At the end of the day it is a question of what you value the most.

You can DIY your success and pay for your insights with the chunk of your life.

OR you can have a catalyst and transform faster buying your time with cash.

For me, it is a no brainer. I can generate more cash. But I can't generate more time.

So I spend thousands of dollars on coaching. Because I need to learn faster. And the ROI on my investment is 10x-100x, depending on the application.

So explore. See what options are out there, but definitely keep this in mind.

?? As coaches, we don't charge for our time, we charge for the transformation that we deliver.

With that being said, the next principle also applies.

9. You get what you pay for.

You get what you pay for. It's unfortunate, but I have a lot of experience even with people who've been playing it cheap with coaches and paying 100 dollars an hour and then they got traumatized from that experience.

So when they come into my practice, our focus at first is just to undo what has been done to them. And that takes time. Healing takes time.

Price is not always equal quality. But there is a correlation. This principle you can see everywhere in life.

You want 5-star Michelin experience, you pay $1000 for a dinner.

You want the best technology currently available on the market, you pay premium.

That's how Apple charges for their products. They are positioning themselves as a premium brand and that's what you pay for.

You want a 5-star hotel, you want a 4-star hotel, you want a 3-star hotel. What you pay gets you a certain level of comfort.

Flying first class versus flying economy.

You get it.

There is a direct correlation between the investment and the quality of service or product your receive.

10. Look for Testimonials.

How do you buy stuff on Amazon?

You scroll down to the testimonial section right away.

Why?

Do you want to know what people say about the product even though Derek experience is not your experience it is real. It is something you are trying to extrapolate into yourself.

The same principle applies with humans.

?? Social proof.

Look for what other people have to say about the coach you are considering. Even better - go reach out to them and and have actual conversations and collect direct feedback.

There's only one thing to have in mind.

Coaching like anything in life follow the same rule.

The more you put into it the more you get out of it.

You will find experiential confirmation for everything that you believe to be true.

I had a few people online who texted me that coaching is a sham and it doesn't work. This is true. It is truth for them because this is what they choose to believe in. You create your reality with your thoughts. Or should I say, your thoughts ARE your Reality.

But those who have opened their mind to the possibility that not everything they know might be true, who who have the courage to entertain the idea that they can be blindsided by their own mind, they step into the space of discomfort, space where growth happens, space in which they have a chance to realize how deep is the rabbit hole of the mind. ?? ??

Last words

I know what the mind is doing right now.

The mind is saying: "He published this article to sell more coaching."

I have nothing to sell.

Nothing can't be sold to those who have no intrinsic desire to buy. (Look at how you buy and confirm for yourself.) You buy because you see value, you see a solution to your problem.

Water boils at 100C degrees. At 99 it merely simmers.

I work with those who are at 99 - with people for whom change is a non-negotiable.

Working with them is easy. All they need is just a catalyst. Just a nudge and a bit of direction.

My clients are high-functioning, high-earning, top performing execs and business leaders already. All they seek is just even higher degrees of performance, higher degrees of mind mastery, and deeper grounding in inner peace and clarity of thoughts.

They don't need convincing that coaching works.

They know it does.

Those who are at 98C and below are not my people.

For them living in the dream state is still the preferred place to be.

They are not ready, and no matter what I say my words will not penetrate them.

But if you are reading this content, and it resonates with you, maybe you are ready.

Maybe there is something in you that is seeking awakening.

Regardless of which direction you take in life, I wish for you to discover the power of transformational coaching.

Bill Gates said it best: "We all need people who give us feedback. This is how we improve."

One conversation has changed my life.

Maybe it will change yours.

Good luck out there.