Choosing Respect When So Many Aren't.

Why Choose Respect When So Many Aren’t?

When I was a teenager growing up on Long Island and attending public school, I lived and breathed the performing arts. Sports were not my thing. And because I was outgoing, confident, and verbally skilled, the bullies in my school - many of them revered athletes - picked on me, mercilessly. Their preferred epithet while they were beating me bloody: “faggot.”

To say I felt incredibly disrespected would be a gross understatement. In fact, because of their attacks - for which they were never held accountable - I was frequently rageful, despondent, and broody, engaging in violent revenge fantasies. Were it not for my older brother, my close friends and some very understanding and compassionate teachers, counselors, and church ministers, I may well have acted upon those fantasies.

Instead, I was “heard” and coached by them to try my best to be respectful to everyone, no matter who, no matter what they said or did. It wasn’t easy.

Right now, the eyes of the world are on America because the bullies – the white supremacists, the neo-Nazi’s, the extremists, and conspiracy nuts - are out in full force attempting to overthrow the United States government through violence in our nation’s capital, and in state capitals all over the country.

Incited by the President, his allies in Congress and the right wing media, these people – believing an easily disproven lie - are not only being incredibly disrespectful of our democracy when they attack our sacred institutions, they’re also demonstrably committed to hurting and perhaps killing their fellow Americans. Watching a few videos of the mob screaming “Hang Pence,” and beating police officers with flagpoles while waving the Confederate flag and sporting shirts with the letters “Q” and “6MWE” (“6 Million Wasn’t Enough” - a reference to the number of Jews killed in the Holocaust), makes their extremist affiliations very clear. These are not protesters, they certainly aren’t patriots; they are violent insurrectionists, they are domestic terrorists, and according to reliable government and media sources, they are not done yet, not by a long shot.

So, how are we Americans who love our country, who respect its governmental structures, and who believe in our democracy and our Republic, to respond? Indeed, how is anyone supposed to respond when facing such horrific evil?

I say, with respect. But, not for the individuals who perpetrate these crimes – they have deliberately trampled any claim to be respected by anyone - but for the law, for the institutions that our great nation is built upon, and for the processes that are designed to bring such criminals to justice. Right now, we must choose to respect our laws.

Rest assured the United States has clear regulations designed specifically for these situations. U.S.C. Title 18, Section 2383 - Rebellion or Insurrection, is just one of them: “Whoever incites, sets on foot, assists, or engages in any rebellion or insurrection against the authority of the United States or the laws thereof, or gives aid or comfort thereto, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.”

The way I see it, respect for the law is the only safe harbor we have right now, and we must steer for it, purposefully, proudly.

Unlike most high school bullies who almost always get away with it, the people who are deliberately breaking our great nation’s laws must be held accountable, and that includes the people at the top who are inciting, encouraging, and enabling this lawlessness and violence. And when they are arrested and held for trial, we must strive to treat them respectfully, within the constrains of the law and civil society, regardless of how destructive and misguided they are. 

So why choose respect when so many aren’t? Because if we don’t, if we act upon our revenge fantasies, if we seek to do violence on them as they have done unto us and our nation, then we are lowering ourselves to their level, the base inhumanity of bullies, insurrectionists, neo-Nazis, and white supremacists. We would be disrespecting our laws, just as they are. To paraphrase Shakespeare, if we don’t choose respect for the laws of our great nation, then that way lies madness.

Gregg Ward is the Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Respectful Leadership.