Choosing Our 'Hard'

In other editions of Monday Morning Thoughts, you have read about my belief in making the hard choices . Hard choices are what place us in opportunities where we grow, advance and thrive. They are also what test us, challenge us, and allow us to find what we’re made of. That’s what’s so confusing about hard choices - everything within us is telling us to go the easy route but we know that hard choices are good for us. ?

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Over the weekend, I read a social media post that perfectly illustrated the challenge in making the best hard choices.??

-Being in debt is hard and so is being financially disciplined. Choose your hard.?

-Communicating well is hard. So is not communicating well. Choose your hard.?

-Making hard choices creates an easier life. Making easy choices creates a harder life. Choose your hard.?

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When we commit to “choosing hard” we are making the decision to consider the longterm implications of our choices. Often in my career, managers, coaches and partners have used language like “seeing the bigger picture” to describe this kind of consciousness. Focusing on the bigger picture allows us to more clearly name the choices that help us succeed in the long-term and more readily elect opportunities or moments that move us from our comfort zone into the growth zone.??

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Some may call it pessimistic to concede to the fact that no matter what, life will always be hard. I tend to think of it in quite the opposite way, however. When stuck between a few hard choices, here is how I work through what is best:?

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Which hard choice best supports what I really want long-term? - Often, we think about what our destination or end goal is, our choices and paths become much clearer. That's because we are normally great at mapping things out when the outcome is clear. It's with this in mind that I try to start at what hard choice best supports what I’m trying to carry out. To frame this as an example, if I’m trying to save a specific sum of money to buy an expensive item in 3 months, making the hard choice to forgo buying a meal out instead of cooking at home becomes much easier because it supports what I want more overall. Inversely, if I am just trying to save more for the sake of saving more, it becomes much harder to connect skipping the thing I want to buy now, with no apparent reason to connect that hard choice into.??

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Which hard choice will I be most proud of when looking back? - We all probably have people in our lives we aim to make proud. Parents, siblings, spouses, friends - their approval and support mean the world to us. But we all aim to make our own selves proud. We want to be able to look back and feel the glow that comes with being impressed by and delighted at the hard things we excelled through. So, when I’m faced with hard choices, I try to think about what I would be proud to say I selected? For the sake of example - I make a lot of mistakes as a father and husband, and most are unintentional. However, when those mistakes happen, my hard choices are often to acknowledge and apologize for them or to fight and defend them. I like to think I would be most proud of myself for acknowledging and apologizing and that helps me take that road more often than I otherwise may.??

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If I were my own consultant, which hard choice would I recommend? - Have you ever been listening to a friend or colleague talk about a problem and the right choice is so clear to you, but they can’t seem to find it? Aw the beauty of being on the outside looking in! But when we’re deciding on things for ourselves, we don't have that same advantage. That’s why learning how to become an observer of our own thoughts is such a powerful skill to be developed. When we can do that, we can almost step outside of our own emotions and treat our moments as if we’re watching and listening to someone else. This helps us think about “what advice would I give this person if they came to me with this difficult decision?” Then we can more carefully give ourselves that advice. ? ?

'Choosing our hard' is a mindset that, with time, can become organic and simpler the more familiar we become with our own tendencies and desired benchmarks in life. 'Choosing our hard’ takes conscious commitment early in our pursuit of this mindset and definitely takes discipline. But by embracing the preliminary stages of this approach to growing and succeeding, we can unlock a much easier path to our goals, ambitions and pursuits. We can achieve the things we want and combine our efforts into greater gains.??

“It’s not about avoiding difficulty; it’s about choosing the right difficulty. Choose your hard and create your future.” - Unknown?