Choose Your Words Carefully

Steve Correa(1)

Words are powerful tools that shape how we communicate, think, perceive, and relate to the world. Language bridges our inner experiences and external reality, influencing our emotions, beliefs, and even our identity.

Two colleagues, Priya and Ramesh, were sitting in a café, watching a man across the street frantically waving his arms and talking loudly on his phone. Priya chuckled and said, “That poor guy must be in the middle of a huge argument. Look at him; he’s so agitated, waving his arms like that. I hope it gets sorted out.” Ramesh, however, shook his head and smiled. “I don’t think it’s an argument at all. He’s probably just really excited, maybe sharing some great news. People get passionate like that when they’re enthusiastic.”

Both observed the same behaviour: a man gesturing while talking on the phone, but Priya saw frustration, whereas Ramesh saw excitement. This reflects how personal experiences, perspectives, or moods can colour our interpretations of others’ actions.

McClelland’s work on motivation theory, particularly his identification of three main types of motivations — achievement, affiliation, and power — suggests that the way individuals describe a situation or image reflects their dominant motivational drivers. For instance, as part of McClelland's general methodology in his Thematic Apperception Test (TAT), participants were shown ambiguous images, including various scenes (not just a sailboat). They were asked to tell stories about them. Different individuals might describe them in a way that reveals their underlying motivations:

Achievement Motivation: The viewer might describe the sailboat as a challenge to be mastered: “The sailboat is cutting through the waves, navigating the open sea. It must have taken great skill to harness the wind and sail with such precision.” This description reflects a focus on personal accomplishment and mastery.

Affiliation (Recognition): A person driven by affiliation or recognition might interpret the sailboat in terms of connection with others: “That looks like a fun day out with friends, everyone working together to steer the boat and enjoying each other’s company in the sun.” This interpretation highlights relationships and a sense of belonging.

Power Motivation: Someone motivated by power might describe the sailboat as a symbol of control and influence: “The captain of the sailboat must feel powerful, steering the boat, commanding the crew, and conquering the sea.” This emphasises control over others or the environment.

The sailboat remains the same in each case, but how it is described offers insight into what drives the viewer: achievement, recognition, or power.

The words we label behaviours reveal much about us and can drastically alter how they are perceived, even when the behaviour remains the same. The connotations and implications of different terms can evoke various emotional responses, judgments, or assumptions.

Here are a few examples:

Confident vs. Arrogant

Confidence refers to self-assurance in one’s abilities, reflecting a positive sense of self. In contrast, arrogance is associated with overconfidence, lacking humility, and disregarding the opinions of others. For instance, consider a person who speaks assertively during a meeting and expresses strong opinions. If others perceive them as confident, it suggests a positive outlook, associating them with leadership qualities and a sense of capability. However, if they are described as arrogant, the same behaviour may be viewed negatively, implying that the person is self-centred, overly dominant, or dismissive of others.

Frugal vs. Stingy

Frugality involves the wise and economical use of resources, often seen as a positive trait of financial mindfulness. On the other hand, stinginess carries a negative connotation, implying an unwillingness to spend or share, marked by selfishness. For example, when someone carefully controls their spending, being described as frugal would imply that they are making thoughtful financial decisions. However, if the same person is labelled as stingy, it suggests they are miserly, perhaps unwilling to help others even when they have the means to do so, casting a more selfish light on their behaviour.

Meticulous vs. Nitpicky

Being meticulous means paying careful attention to detail and being thorough in one’s work. Nitpicking, however, conveys an excessive focus on small, trivial details that can frustrate others. For instance, when a person thoroughly reviews every aspect of a project to ensure accuracy, being called meticulous would imply they are diligent and conscientious. In contrast, being called nitpicky suggests they are overly critical and focus on minor issues in a way that slows progress or irritates their peers.

There are many more examples: Cautious vs. Fearful, Persistent vs. Stubborn, Direct vs. Rude, Innovative vs. Reckless, etc. The labels we attach to behaviours carry connotations that can dramatically change perceptions, even when the underlying actions are identical. By being mindful of our language, we can avoid unnecessary bias and communicate more accurately.

From Jiddu Krishnamurti, we learn that words are merely symbols, and symbols are not what they represent. We must be careful not to become too attached to our words. Words are conditioned by patterns of thought that are often limited by concepts, beliefs, and ideologies, mostly from the past. True understanding occurs when the mind is not preoccupied with verbal thinking.

When we use words, we label, categorise, and define, creating separation between ourselves and others or between our thoughts and emotions. We become mentally rigid when we cling to specific words, doctrines, or ideologies. This rigidity prevents us from seeing things as they are because we are attached to fixed interpretations. True listening, he said, happens when we are not merely hearing the words but are attentive to the space beyond them, to what is unsaid.

The words we use in our internal dialogue — our self-talk — shape our beliefs and emotions. Psychologist Albert Ellis developed Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), which focuses on how irrational beliefs (often reflected in negative self-talk) can lead to unhealthy emotions. Replacing harmful inner language like “I always fail” with more balanced phrases like “I’m learning and improving” can transform one’s mindset and emotional state. The mind interprets our internal dialogue as a reality.

The words we use, internally or externally, don’t just communicate ideas—they construct and alter reality. The mind and words are inextricably linked, from shaping perception to influencing emotions to defining identity. By becoming more mindful of our chosen words, we can reshape our minds, change our attitudes, and ultimately transform how we experience the world. Choose your words carefully.

[i] Steve Correa is an Executive Coach and Author of The Indian Boss at Work, Thinking Global, Acting Indian