Choose Your Own Adventure
“You’re so chill.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I don’t know, it’s like you’re always in a calm and relaxed space. Also, you’re never excited about anything. You could be a monk.”
“That’s not true. I just don’t get giddy excited. And I’m not always like this — you just haven’t seen me worked up.”
That’s a typical conversation I’ve had with some friends. They might as well think I’m the Dalai Lama or something. Although I won’t deny I’ve thought about becoming a monk, just for the experience, and of course the enlightenment (badly needed).
Anyway, this got me thinking about the kind of energy I give off, and more importantly, how it wasn’t always like this. There was a process that got me to somehow evolve in this way.
A few things here.
First, people change. Some of us do it intentionally and purposefully. It takes a lot of self-awareness, patience, and persistence. This is a lengthy topic, so we’ll expound on it another day.
Second, and in relation to the first, it’s easier now than ever before to evolve yourself. We’re literally surrounded by information that can help us with our self-development. Content in all forms — books, videos, audio podcasts, blogs, etc. — are everywhere, and within reach.
All sorts of topics are available, too. Take your pick from various ideologies, beliefs, and concepts that somehow point to a similar set of truths— Meditation, Stoicism, the Japanese concept of Ikigai, the Danish Hygge, the Swedish Lagom, Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle and the concept of The Infinite Game.
Willingness is the only pre-requisite.
Third, and the thing I’d like to emphasize here, is practice. So we’ve identified areas for improvement and we’ve learned what to do. The logical next step, of course, is to just do.
Well, that’s easier said than done. Because doing means applying what we’ve learned, and that means actually getting out of our comfort zone. It means unlearning what we’ve been told to be true. It means becoming aware of our tendencies and guarding against them. Who would want to do that?
Additionally, it’s not just one specific scenario where you make a big decision, and voila — congratulations, you’ve leveled up. Nope, it’s about small decisions made at every micro-moment, day in and day out, for as long as we live.
Easier said than done, mister. Yes, but not impossible.
I’m naturally hot-tempered and prone to shouting. At that micro-moment where something threatens to piss me off, I’m faced with two options:
In recent times I’ve been successful at choosing option 2 during those micro-moments.
I used to road rage a lot. These days, I’m still faced with micro-moments whenever I’m behind the steering wheel — pedestrians running around where they’re not supposed to, private vehicles on berserk mode, buses and other public utility vehicles acting like they own the road, you name it. Again, these micro-moments require a decision. Will I:
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I’ve been choosing option 2. I know, I surprise myself too.
This also applies to work situations. The trick I use is keeping things in perspective — what’s the worst case scenario if this happens or doesn’t happen? Most of the time, it’s not as bad as we might think, relatively speaking.
And to no one’s surprise, we’re actually more able to handle things when we have a clear mind. Choosing to stay calm and composed at that micro-moment instead of stressing out (and stressing others out in the process) leads to this clarity.
Let’s try to distill this idea.
Micro-moments.
Micro-decisions.
It’s becoming apparent to me that life is made of these.
The fork in the road.
Those two doors in a maze.
That page in the “choose-your-own-adventure” book.
They’re scattered all over and all throughout our lives. And we are entirely in control.
Remember this the next time you’re faced with a micro-moment that requires a micro-decision.
One option is easy, and feels natural.
The other is difficult, and it leads to your desired evolution.
Your call. Which one will it be?