Choose your hard

Is one choice ever truly harder than another, or is it a matter of embracing discomfort?

Do you ever get caught in a circle of options, but you can only seem to talk yourself out of doing something new?

Where does this voice come from?

Our conscious focuses on the here and now - what’s the best option for me right now?

Our unconscious way of thinking brings to mind our hopes, our values our beliefs into what could be.

This then brings that dilemma: which one do I choose? Because both…..are hard!

You may have read "Thinking, Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman or "The Chimp Paradox" by Dr. Steve Peters which essentially both talk about our conscious and unconscious way of thinking. We often see the short-term gain win over long-term, how our emotional state is central to our decision making and how habits can change this.

This is where understanding our view of what is hard is important - why do we think that?

? So where do you start? I’ll be exploring some examples, and how coaching can help you choose your ‘hard’ more consciously. Starting with...

1. INTEROCEPTION

This is our ability to listen to our bodies and interpret what we are feeling. It requires us to pause, tune into our internal bodily signals, and truly understand our feelings. But ignoring these signals is hard too—leading to disconnection and rumination.

As babies, we learn to experience emotion through motion (e)motion. Our earliest words are to interpret and express what we need.?As adults, we learn behaviours that distance ourselves from these communications and to ignore or stifle those feelings. By reconnecting, and being open to learning again what our body is telling us, we can understand what we actually need, not what we think we should need.

2. EMBRACING DISCOMFORT

Feeling discomfort is hard. It means facing fears, uncertainties, and growth pains head-on. But avoiding discomfort is hard too—leading to stagnation and missed opportunities.

Why does embracing discomfort matter? Discomfort is a way of feeling that, by its very nature, is asking for something to change. By not being curious around the thoughts and feelings of discomfort, we are merely postponing the need to address the issue. By postponing, the issue only grows.

If you find it hard to do this, try listening to some classical music and note what you feel listening to it. Channel 4 (UK) have recently released a show called ‘the piano’ which is accompanied by people’s stories; explore your emotional response to the music along with their stories.

3. NAVIGATING UNCERTAINTY

Not knowing is hard. Accepting uncertainty and living with unanswered questions requires strength. But insisting on certainty is hard too—leading to rigidity and missed possibilities.

Why does navigating uncertainty matter?

People don’t mind change, they move house, they change jobs, they buy new clothes…..but uncertainty brings anxiety about the future and the prospect of grief if there is loss. By making something concrete, which can be our actions or our feelings, we ‘fix’ the situation by making it known.

4. EXERCISING AGENCY

Exercising agency is hard. Taking responsibility for our choices and actions can be daunting. But giving up control is hard too—leading to helplessness and regret.

Exercising agency is a fundamental part to being a healthy leader and healthy human. Without self agency we do not believe we can protect ourselves or affect change and we become helpless. With agency comes risk and fear - what happens if I get it wrong? If we test ideas, take risk and know that we will survive through the discomfort, we will be much more open to adapt through our learning experience.

When we consider that these patterns were built out of, and in response to, the relationships you have with others, challenging them can be done most powerfully with someone by your side. That partnership is the heart of my coaching practice.

For more details on my coaching, and some day-to-day tips, my fortnightly newsletter may just be what you are looking for: subscribe here